The Case for Early Marriage

The other day in "Christianity Today's" newsletter this long article, "The Case for Early Marriage" appeared. I would encourage all to read it. It can be found here: http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2009/august/16.22.html

The writer makes the case that while churches promote chastity, they also discourage marriage until a later age, not until one is financially more stable, more mature, etc. But he is suggesting that by doing so, subjects young people to greater temptations because of the strong urge to mate at such a youthful age.

Many years ago this same magazine printed a similar article but that time the issue was "why do the young today mature at a younger age?" It was noted that girls begin menarche at a much younger age then their grandmothers did thus making them deal with the urge to mate at a younger age. Why is this happening? When this is the case the temptation to remain pure becomes much more difficult. Couple this with the trend to marry at an older age and you have a volatile situation. And they suggested [then] that culture has imposed a serious moral dilemma upon its youth.

I read this article and was deeply impressed and got me to think seriously....so the next time the ladies at our church got together, I asked the older mothers at what age menarche appeared for them? The responses were astonishing, no, it confirmed the article! They said 17, another said 15 and this was considered young back then. (Most of these sisters were born in the early 1900s, before 1910.) Then soon after menarche set in, they married. Now these females were capable of reproducing and they could find the outlet to mate in marriage. This was the culture and it worked.

The question is asked, "why do girls mature earlier today then in ages past?" The older article suggested the exposure to artificial light will hasten maturation, giving the examle of horsemen who will expose their animals to longer periods of light to hasten their maturation. When this idea was run by some local farmers they concurred.

While moderns wrestle with moral purity, especially the very young, is it because of our materialistic lifestyle that we have imposed upon the young such a grave moral dilemma, fighting against nature and then forbidding them marry until they are older?

The argument of waiting until finances are in order points to a radical shift in modern culture how males were trained to provide for themselves as well. It used to start when they were very young. Dad would give his sons some pigs, calves, fowl to raise and perhaps a few acres of land in which to produce a crop and then the proceeds were sold - at a young age. By the time a fellow reached 20 he had a fair amount of money to begin housekeeping, although many young couples back then moved in with mom and dad until a house could be readied for their habitation.

Today I see little girls maturing and I grieve. Interestingly, other older mothers notice this as well and are alarmed...

I shared this with the idea to stimulate your minds and perhaps discussion....

Blessings,
ginnyrose

This is the best book I've found on the subject Ginnyrose has brought up. It is balanced and brimming with wisdom. I recommend everyone who is considering marriage - or who already is married - to give it a read. There's a chapter written by Zac Poonen's wife Annie especially for young women.

[image][img]http://www.cfcindia.com/web/books/zac/pictures/slm.jpg[/img]

[url=http://www.cfcindia.com/web/books/zac/sex_love_and_marriage.html]The book[/url]

Quote by paulmcg:
"My wife and I are both 19 and we've been married for almost 1 1/2 years now. Definitely think that young people should more often be marrying than waiting until their older."

The advantage of marrying young is that young folks are not as set in their ways as older adults which will make the blending of these personalities easier UNLESS both act like spoiled brats who whine and nag to get their own way. But then older adults do the same.

The disadvantage of marrying younger is that the surrounding culture does not support it. If a couple does marry young and all of their friends are still footloose partying they could feel like they are being deprived unnecessarily. They will not have any mutual friends for mutual fun and support. This is where popular culture is. And at the same time their friends are living like husband and wife without benefit of clergy which is damming to their souls.

Yes, marrying younger would require some major shift in thinking about marriage. It would also require the parents of the couple to become actively involved in seeing this marriage succeed, something I would guess most couples would not appreciate.

Yet, modern life has seriously damaged the human body, subjecting it to temptations the mind is not mature enough to handle...and what can the modern parent do to counteract this? Hard question, IMHO...

For once I am glad I am as old as I am...makes my growing aches seem so trivial in comparison. On the other hand Scripture also informs us that where sin abounds, grace did much more, so the situation is not hopeless.

Blessings,
ginnyrose

Thanks for the link. I enjoyed reading it. He brought up a few things that I haven't heard before.

ginnyrose
If I am completely honest, I am not sure what I think about this article yet:-) I got married when I was very young and it has been very difficult at times for us both. There are occasions when I wish that both my husband and myself had more time to grow and mature in Christ before we entered into marriage. A lot can be said for having that time when it is just you and the Lord, before your attention is divided?(hope that makes some sense)

thanks for sharing
rdg

This is an interesting topic.

I mean I think of cultures like even in Islamic Nation or maybe Catholic in which they have held to their older culture. In doing this in many ways they have preserved good. One example is that men will hold hands as friends and not be weary of any homosexual things.

However, it would seem that in the US we have had counter culture movements. It tells us in Scripture that things will get worse as the last days come upon us. I think that the state of the US in changing compared to the preserved cultures of other places are telling.

I often wonder if the big cities of the US and what not are not what God wants. In that he destroyed the tower of Babel and told men to disperse and multiply.

I wonder if Christians should be in cities, but I guess it is a calling. It is a hard topic for me this whole city thing in that cities often seem to bring help economically, yet at the same time you see what happens to the morality in the area.

One of the wildest things is how the US is supposed to be a Christian nation and yet it is the most immoral of all in many ways. For instance some countries will not allow immoral things on the internet ect. Sometimes these nations will not even believe in God at all nor have any fear of God, but just the law written in them. Of how much more then are we who have both the knowledge of God and the law written in us to be.

So, here is what I was thinking. Maybe people are to marry as soon as thing are able to function physically in that way (this is just a thought)?

I mean the culture just in so many ways seems ridiculous. It often thinks that youth are treated like children til they are 18. I mean should men and women not be treated like adults as soon as they are 14 or something. It is good for a man to bear the yoke in his youth.

I see this in the South American culture. Men are trained to be working from a young age.

One thought though is that we are not grown in our personalities and so therefore do not know what we want in life and so not in a partner. I would answer though. Well, if your a Christian and not so confused in the dark then you know what you want according to scripture.

We just in America have it so much better then many and so we are not pressed with many things. So therefore we act differently. We put up our noses at many things because we do not know the harshities of other places.

As for myself though as a single person who seeks to zealously serve God. It is really hard to find a woman that would meet your requirements. Also, as a man who was not raised Christian it took me years to have my mind renewed and so might have been better for me to hold off.

But yes, this article I would say is good. There are pros and cons to it and as with all things you can go to an extreme this way or that. He who is slow to anger is great in understanding.

I was also thinking about parents choosing your mate for you. Wondering if it were right or wrong. I know that there were many different things that went in to play in certain situations though. For instance to marry into a certain family was like moving up in a caste system or something in prestige so it was more of a business thing. Again the US would not often consider this as they do not always function in families and are not always apt to care about financial things as much as other things. Also, if you had good and godly parents you would trust them to bring you the right person for they were wise and mature and ect. The same thing happens often today where a parent will tell their child whether or not they like the person and the child will take it to heart. So, I'm not really sure what I think about this since there are so many things to consider and specifics in culture that I may be unaware of and so am patient to come to a conclusion.

Hello...

I have often believed that marriage should be postponed until the man can "prepare a place" for his bride. A man who cannot provide for his home, after all, is worse than an infidel. I know so many young people who run into marriage -- without truly understanding the depth of what such a covenant requires.

However, I don't think that there is any sort of Scriptural mandate about WHEN to get married. Yes, the writer of Ecclesiastes tells us to "enjoy the wife of our youth." However, I don't believe that this is any sort of requirement (and I don't think that anyone would claim that it is). I do think that a "common sense" prerequisite is that both the man and woman should be mature enough to both understand and fulfill the vows of a marriage covenant. In today's society -- including the Church -- there are so many young adults who think and act like children. They are still juvenile in thought, actions, and desires. This is often reflected in their marriages.

I have known such young Christian couples who were quickly engaged and then quickly married. In the back of my mind (although I prayed that it would be otherwise), I felt that serious trouble might arise in the future. Sure enough, most of these young couples (18-21 yr olds) experienced very real problems. One young "Christian" couple was divorced within a month -- after the young "Christian" man was not all that he presented himself to be (and was caught up into gross, sexual sin)! Another young lady in our Church used to come over to my family's house just to cry on the shoulder of my mother (less than a year after getting married). My mom used to explain that young Christian ladies often "glamorize" marriage with pre-conceived fantasies and notions that are unrealistic (and almost entirely unscriptural).

Sadly, many young people feel that they are more mature than they actually are. This is especially true when they think that they are in love. I think that the truly wise young adults are those who pray about such a covenant and are truly prepared and willing for a "no" answer from God or their parents. Life can be hard -- even for young Christian couples! A young man must understand and be willing to take upon himself the responsibility of a husband and a father BEFORE he enters into such a lasting and binding covenant.

That said: I am happily married! I love my wife more than myself. I am constantly consumed with a desire to take care of her -- spiritually, emotionally, and physically. This is a natural desire -- but one that weighs heavily upon me at times. Thankfully, I was fully aware of most of these things before we were engaged. Yet, even with this knowledge, I was still surprised by it all.

Of course, the bottom line is to pray before ever considering such a thing. We must make sure that young, Christian adults can sift through hormones, personal desires and goals, the voices of others and the true voice of God before engaging into such a covenant. It is truly a wonderful thing!

:-)

I really think that is good for young people to marry as long as they are not just trained to be providers (for males) and taught to take care of a home and children (for females) but trained in the fear of God and that one is a great sinner in need of Christ. One thing I've learned in marriage is that you can either become Christ like or destroy your marriage, there's no other way. So whether you marry young which is better and good all that should matter is Christ.

Roniya, Thanks so much for posting this link to the Albert Mohler show. I listened to it, then 'rewound' it again to relisten to certain parts again. I would highly recommend it. I am so glad people are discussing this issue, making folks think that perhaps this is another aspect of American culture that is broke and needs repairing.

Ginny, in your little community do you see any issues of delaying marriage amongst the conservative youth that you know?

hhmm, how can I answer this question in a few words? For starters, the church we belong to is part of an Anabaptist group and there are five of Anabaptist churches in our county, of whom three belong to the same conference and the other two belong to other fellowships but not the same ones. Between these three groups there are a lot of similarities but also some differences. Keep this in mind as I reply.

In this culture, education beyond high school is not promoted. In the larger group education beyond the eighth grade is discouraged. So secular education beyond what is needed to read, write and do math is not considered essential for life.

The males that grow up in these churches find their life work by their dad helping him get started in his chosen occupation. Most dads are self-employed and as time goes on his business grows and he will incorporate his sons into his operation so that by the time he is 20 or soon after, he can support a wife. Usually, a mobile home, or a small house will be purchased for the son and his wife to live in. There they will live until finances increase and they will build larger on a larger piece of land in the country.

The girl, in the meantime, will be taught homemaking skills by her mother. She will be able to do gardening, can/freeze food, cook, bake, sew, clean, keep a house orderly and clean. She may also do some work outside the home to earn an income but it is not with the idea that this will be a career for her to pursue for a long time - just something to do to earn some spending money.

These youth are taught that marriage is for life and that divorce is not an option. Children are to be welcomed into the home and their arrivals are celebrated. Family size will vary from one to eight, most have four. If there are any less it may be because nature did not give them any more.

Mothers are expected to stay home and care for the children; Dads are the primary breadwinner. As his work expands, the wife may assist and as the children grow older they help. are these people poor? No. None are on public assistance but do accept social security payments when retirement is reached.

In the fifty years the Anabaptists have lived here there have been only two unwed mothers and this just happened in the past year. The one says she was raped and the other - will call her May - got involved in sin. She was 'forbidden to marry' a fellow her parents did not deem good enough for her and then she got involved with someone else and had a child. May was involved with this man for 8 years, unknown to her parents or family. These situations sent shock waves through the entire community because it just is not supposed to happen and it didn't until now.

Moral purity is taught and expected. The lifelong commitment to marriage is taught and expected. This is 'our' culture.

Roniya, to answer your question, I would have to say "no" because the young people are not waiting to get married until they are quite old although there are some older singles who would love to be married.

For fifteen years I have worked at a Crises Pregnancy Center and am well acquainted with the morals of the world 'out there'. Since we all live in the world, the struggle to not be a part of the world is very real - we will not escape unscathed.

My real concern is the premature maturing of girls and how it will impact their ability to stay pure until they are emotionally ready for marriage. Couple that with mothers who refuse to teach their daughters any responcibility and homemaking skills you are allowing a girls to grow up totally unprepared to face life as a wife and mother, hence the rise in divorces and single motherhood.

I was a young girl once, I know the drives that dwell within to mate and menarche did not appear until I became a teen. How on earth are little girls going to handle this stress at 9, at 10 or 11??? And then you tell them they cannot marry until 25 or so??!!

I mentioned light as being a factor in early maturing. Ccrider (I think it was) mentioned diet being a factor. From what I have read both contribute to early maturing. My husband reminded me how my dad used artificial light to hasten maturing in the foxes he raised (for pelts). If somehow one could limit artificial light in homes (like getting to bed earlier) and watch the foods fed to the children, one could perhaps control some of this.

This piece is too long...there are more issues, like the males needing to get married...just listen to Mohler's program - it is so good.

God bless all of you, especially, you singles. My heart goes out to you because the world and its culture is exceedingly wicked -you know that. I would strongly encourage those who have godly parents to solicit their assistance in helping you find a mate. Be open with them about your desires, your struggles...you might actually find them helpful...

Blessings,
ginnyrose

Last night a friend, BonnieJane, and I attended a fund raiser by Life Choices. Their featured speaker was Pam Stenzel. Pam is a renown speaker promoting chasity, speaking to teens, parents, educators and whoever. She speaks to 500,000 teens in a year, sometimes in public schools as well.

Pam has worked at a CPC in Chicago for nine years and speaks from her experience in Chastity counseling. She speaks from a Biblical view, does not mince words, is blunt, passionate and on fire. She is a feminine version of Paul Washer - speaks with lots of energy and conviction. She kept me riveted to my seat, a major accomplishment for any speaker to be able to do this to me!

Pam detailed the danger, the destructiveness of STDs in the human body; illustrating that one cannot sin safely, there will always be grievous consequences.

As Pam spoke Romans 1:24-32 came to my mind. It seems to me we indeed are seeing the judgement of God poured out on the individual who will mock God and serve his own lusts.

On the practical level modern day STDs will cause infertility. In a matter of a few years you will have many young women who will want to have children but will find themselves infertile because of immorality. May I be so bold to suggest that those who hanker for zero population growth will find their goals achieved through the youth's promiscuous living?

Now where does the church find itself in this mix? Stats declare that these youth are just as involved in this sin as their secular counterparts. Is your brotherhood declaring war on immorality? or is it taking a relaxed attitude towards it "we must forgive" and then proceed as though nothing happened? What is the victim to do when a debilitating disease shows up, maybe not even for 3 years? Test yourself next week and all looks clear, but wait - in three - five years you may test positive! When you want to marry, will you be honest enough to tell your potential spouse that you carry a disease that will infect her? Yes, people can forgive, but your body does not forgive. (1Corinthians 6:18) There is a reason why Paul admonishes the church to not allow this sin to be named once among you. (Ephesians 5:3). This will call for some strong preaching, teaching, strong parents who will work more diligently to protect their children.

Fortunately, scripture also says that where sin abounds, grace did much more. Romans 5:20. So, while the moral climate is worse then bleak, the divine assistance is in bountiful supply.

ginnyrose