In my first post I wrote and said that I stumbled today. That is not the truth, I did more then stumble I lied tonight. I spoke with another sister in the body of Christ(no one from Sermon Index) and I lied to her. She and I have a bit of a history together that has at times been hard for me, but that no excuse for lying as I did. After our conversation ended I knew almost at once what I had done was sin. I knew at once that I had crucified Jesus with my sin against Him. I began examining my heart in this and I realize that I just wanted her not to lecture me, to just be able to talk with her and not feel as if I was being tested, but again that is no excuse for my sin.
I am so sorry Lord for sinning against you, for lying, for crucifying you with my sinful behavior. There is no excuse. I know I have come here to this place before and I know that I have cried these tears before, and yet here I am again. I stand before You oh Lord seeking Your forgiveness for the hurt I have caused You, for the pain I have inflected upon You.I am so sorry.My dear Lord, You who are so kind and loving forgive me...the beauty of who You are is demonstrated in all that You do for me and have done for me. Lord let there be no turning back to self living.
I know this probably seems a kind of strange post to share here, but this is all I have right now and I just felt I needed to confess this and pour it out.
Thank you for allowing me to.
rdg
edit: My original post I asked about fellowship because this is the topic that was being discussed at the time. I am learning that my way of doing things is not His way, I need to do more.