I moved from Southern Illinois in 1993 to Kansas city, Mo. with my family and business. After about 2 years, we returned back home. The whole experience was wonderful, but traumatic, and left me with a feeling of loss, and I kept on pursuing the Lord for His Geographical will after returning home.
I returned to Kansas city in early 1997, scouting the land, hoping I might hear the Lord redirect us back there. I was driving in the older neighborhoods in South Kansas City, looking at neighborhoods and houses, and caught up in prayer. I cried out to God for help, and direction, and as I was driving around, in this mode, alone,and it happened.
The voice of the Lord surprised me with His Word.
"Son, I'm teaching you how to Love!"
He spoke with compassion, and a surprising common tone...not at all like Charlton Heston did and heard in "THE TEN COMMANDMENTS".
"Son, I'm teaching you how to love!"
"Well, that's fine, but what about ME?.. could have been my attitude. I never did hear where I was supposed to go, so I went back home, where I remain these 15 years later.
I now realize more of the privilege and mercy that I have been shown. I now understand the import of such a word. What good is it to be exactly where you ought to be, without Godly fruit or character? 1 Cor: 13...the love chapter; without it we are but a shell, and a waste, no matter if we possess the universe.
"He scourges every son he receives". I never knew that discipline in my early days, or how precious it really is, and what a gift it is. God did not have to teach me anything; He could have let me go my own selfish way...but He did not. He has called me "son". I now see that there is no greater privilege, and I am careful to make sure that he will never name me bastard...so I strive to endure some of his more harsh methods of His teaching...the Cross.
I must diminish...He must increase. I could never be taught that by man, and I could never endure that without manifold grace. I have learned that it is 10,000 times more important in what I become, than what I do. I have learned that death must work in me, for any of His life to transmit to others, and I seek to die to myself, that He might live in me, and through me.
All of this, is of course in measure, riddled by failure. I have learned that if I stumble, to get back up again, and it seems that I find myself getting up quite often. I have learned to dust myself off, look again to Jesus, and begin again. I have learned that His grace is sufficient, and His mercies are new every morning.
And most surprising, is that I see glimpses of myself that I do not recognize...flashes of a compassionate man...a loving man, and merciful. This is a miracle. I know the selfish religious manipulator that is me.
So, which is better? To be in the right place, or become like the right God? Jesus loves me, and I am God's son too.