~Continues~
One day he pulled up his pant leg and showed me an ugly scar on the calf of his leg. I asked him, "What happened there?"
He said, "Another soldier and I were fighting. I knocked him down. He grabbed the hatchet out of my belt, took a swing and missed, but got me in the leg."
Then I made a very serious mistake. I asked him, "Did you kill him?" Marko immediately exploded. I thought he was going to give me a whipping right there. It was the only time Marko really got mad at me. I knew right away I shouldn't have asked that question.
Another day he loosened his belt and told me to pull up his shirt. I couldn't figure out what he was trying to do. He kept saying to pull up his shirt, so I did. I couldn't believe what I was looking at. I asked him, "What's that?"
He said, "Shrapnel. They took out the biggest pieces but the rest they just left." His back was still loaded with shrapnel about the size of a lead pencil and slightly bigger.
Marko couldn't stand the sight or sound of a gun. We had a nail gun that would shoot nails into concrete. You would put the nail in one end and use a .22 shell for the charge, then hold the gun against the wall and pull the trigger. Another one we had you would just hit it with a hammer. Marko never touched them. He would make me shoot all the nails. He would not allow me to shoot any until he had left the room and was a long ways down the hall. He could not stand the sound of a .22 shell going off. One time I went to a pawn shop and bought a rifle, a .30-.30. When he found out I had bought a rifle, he really worked me over. -That was a stupid thing to do! You don t need a gun! All they do is kill. You need to get rid of it."
For years Marko couldn't sleep at night with a fan or air conditioner running, even on hot summer nights. If he would wake up in a semi-conscious state and hear the fans beating the air he would think he was in the war, scream and dive for cover only to realize he was in America in his own home.
"Peachey, do you know why I'm atheist?"
I said, "No."
He told me, "I turned atheist in the war. The thing that turned me to atheism was the priest. Before the boys would go to the front lines the priest would come out and pray God to bless the guns that they shoot to kill. Peachey, when I saw that I thought to myself if that man was praying to what he thought was God, then I knew there was no God. For a man to pray for something like that! Tell me, Peachey, what was that man praying to anyway?"
To tell the truth I didn't know what to say. I thought if I tell him the priest was praying to the devil he for sure would say there is no God, and yet I couldn't really say he was praying to God either. So I didn't say anything.
"Peachey, I know you believe in hell but do you know that war is worse than hell?"
I started to say something about what the Bible says but he cut me off and said, "YOU JUST DON'T KNOW! The animals kill only for food or to protect themselves or their little ones. But people have a mind to think. You cannot believe how bad they can torture and mutilate the human body and yet not die. The concentra....' And he stopped for a bit. "Peachey, I went through hell in the war. When I got to this camp I could not believe half of what I was looking at, it was so bad. Peachey, if you stood where I stood and saw what I saw you wouldn't believe any of it. Your mind would not be capable of absorbing it. You could think the worst that you could think and you wouldn't even come close to what it was like. It was that bad. The stench was nauseating. Flies and maggots crawling all over the people. Their flesh was rotting and falling off their bodies as they were walking around. They had their bellies cut open and their guts hanging out and then they made them march. They had to hang onto their guts with their hands. Otherwise they would fall out and they would stumble and fall, tripping over their own guts. Some got so tired and weak that they could no longer hang on to their insides. They would trip and fall and the minute they fell they would get shot. The next man behind him didn't dare slow up. He had to march right over the dead body even if he had to step on it or he'd get shot. Peachey, it was so bad I could hardly take it."
I wanted to ask him some questions but didn't know if I dared. I decided to risk it, so I asked him, "What else happened there?"
"Peachey, if I told you more you would think I was lying."
I told him, "No, Marko, I believe you'1 be telling the truth."
"No, Peachey, I can't tell you any more. You wouldn't believe it anyway. You just couldn't. I only told you what I thought you would believe. The minor stuff. The rest of it your mind wouldn't grasp. The torture and mutilation was so bad. Peachey, there was so much screaming and crying and suffering and praying. Peachey, you have never seen people praying as hard as they did in that camp. The prayed, they prayed like everything. And you say your God answers prayer, Peachey? WHERE WAS HE?"
Needless to say, I had nothing to say. I, too, wondered where God was in such situations. All this time Marko had his back turned to me. As he was talking, he would not look at me. I started to move around to face him and he immediately said, "Peachey, don't look at me, please!" Then Marko continued talking. "Peachey, I saw blood run like water in a river and I don't mean a little trickle. It was deep and wide and it was pure blood. There was so much heavy fighting in the war. The boys in the front lines thought they were big and tough and macho until the bombs hit and the shells started exploding. Those boys were on their knees crying, 'Mama! Mama!' and they bawled like babies. I mean bawled like babies. They prayed like everything to their God. And they were still killed. And you say you believe in a God?"
Well, I didn't know what to say. I knew in his mind he had proven to me there was no God. So to change the subject I went back to the concentration camp. I said, "Marko, I have read some books on the concentration camps."
He cut me off and said, "You have NEVER read about this camp and you NEVER will." I asked him why and he continued talking. "The world will never know about this camp because no one ever came out of this camp alive. No one EVER!"
I had been mixing a wheel barrow full of cement and when the reality of that last word 'ever' hit me. I remember standing there with my hoe in midair, chills running up and down my spine, and the hair standing up on the back of my neck. I stood there thinking I didn't blame him for being an atheist. I tried to place myself in his shoes. If I would have experienced what he told me and saw what he saw, I thought to myself that I probably would have come out of the war an atheist myself. But I did say something to the effect we don't always know why God allows things like this to happen.
Marko said, "That's the trouble with religion. People say God does this and God does that. They are so positive until they can't explain something. Then they make some feeble excuse and have nothing to say." Marko still had his back turned to me for quite awhile after that.
Occasionally Marko would talk about Hitler. He would always talk about the good points of Hitler, how the German economy was booming and how he completely eliminated crime. But sometimes he would admit to some of Hitler's bad points, especially the concentration camps. One day he told me, "History will tell you Hitler committed suicide but I don't believe it. I think he had a stand in, somebody that looked just like him. They killed him and Hitler escaped."
By this time approximately one year had gone by and there were four or five of us bachelors still living in the unit house. I guess you could say we had become careless. We were all expelled. Some of the boys bought a television set, stereo and such like. We thought we were enjoying life until one day we came home from work and there sat Clifford Mastre in the living room. We didn't know he was coming so we didn't have time to clean house. There sat the TV set and stereo. There was no use hiding them anymore so we just left them set, feeling guilty and embarrassed. Well, Clifford was a man after God's own heart. He visited all evening and acted like he never noticed anything. I thought surely he was going to reprove us and tell as how wrong we were and how we should straighten out our lives but he never did. We had a very nice visit. I thought he was going to a motel for the night but he didn't. He said he wanted to spend the night with us. I could hardly believe a preacher would spend a night with a house full of expelled boys. Well, it came time to go to bed and Clifford got up and made as though he was going to bed. Immediately something told me, "You can't do that. Ask him to have devotions." So I asked him, "Clifford, would you have devotions with us?"
"Why sure," was his answer. So we all sat back down. Then I thought, now we're going to get it. He's going to find some scripture to condemn us and really set us straight. I do not remember what scripture he read for sure. It was in the Old Testament and it was something very similar to the fifty-third chapter of Isaiah. Talk about the Holy Spirit condemning and convicting us! That kindly old gentleman had every opportunity to set us straight but instead he presented the gospel of forgiveness and salvation. He spent the night with us and left the next morning. I will never forget that visit.
The atmosphere at the hospital was becoming very hostile toward the conscientious objectors. The Vietnam war was in the headlines every day. Some of the men in my department had been giving me a bad time for quite awhile already. Especially the plumbers. They would curse me and call me a yellow belly. It seemed I was picked on more than the rest of the CO's and I don't know why. I tried to avoid the electricians, painters and plumbers as much as possible. I would take the long way or go in the back ways just so I wouldn't have to meet them. I remember the first time one of them hollered at me, 'What's that yellow streak doing down your back?"
At first I thought I did have something on the back of my shirt. I whipped around and tried to see what was on my shirt. Then I realized what he was meaning.
The CO's were being closely watched by the FBI. I didn't realize this until one day Marko and I were walking down the hall when all of a sudden he poked me in the ribs and said, "There comes a couple FBI agents. Just keep on walking, mind your own business, don't look around. They're checking on you CO's." After we got past I asked him how he knew they were FBI's.
He said, "Peachey, believe me, I know!" There for awhile about every week or so Marko would poke me in the ribs and say, "There come some FBI's." One day I asked him how he knew they were FBI and maybe not some businessmen. He told me, " Just watch their eyes. A businessman will come down the hall not paying much attention and maybe with his head down a little. The FBI is always well dressed. He has his head up and he acts like he's minding his own business. But watch his eyes. They are taking everything in. His eyes may not always move but he sees everything." After awhile I was also able to spot them. It wasn't all that hard and if I would see them soon enough I would duck into an elevator or down some steps. I didn't want them looking me over.
One day I was over in the one wing of the hospital where they kept all the animals -- the dogs, cats, rats, mice, rabbits, and monkeys. These animals were used for medical experiments. There were five floors of animals. I was on the ground floor and I don't remember what I was doing there but I was walking down the hall and there I met a man in a white uniform. He claimed to be a CO but I couldn't figure out what he was doing there because no CO's worked in that part of the hospital. According to his uniform he didn't belong there either. Of all the CO's that worked in the hospital, it didn't matter what religion they were, there was a certain air of meekness and quietness about them. This man didn't have that air of meekness. He asked me, "Are you a CO?"
I told him I was. He said, 'Well, I am, too, but what I want to talk to you about is that we're being taken advantage of. The hospital is only paying us minimum wages and then getting a lot of good help. They know we have to be here for two years. We need to band together and demand better wages just like everybody else is getting."
Immediately a red flag of warning went up in my mind. This man had an attitude that was too aggressive. Plus his age was against him. I guessed him to be in his mid thirties which is too old to be drafted. He didn't possess that air of meekness. He asked, "Don't you think we're taken advantage of?"
Well, I told him, "I am not too concerned about the wages. We could be in Vietnam, you know, and to me minimum wage is a whole lot better than going to war."
He tried to get me to see his side of the issue but I wasn't too interested. Besides his attitude was not that of a genuine CO.
Then he said, I talked to a bunch of other CO's and they feel the same way I do and we re going to get together and have a meeting some evening. I 11 let you know and I want you to come to that meeting."
As I suspected he wasn't a CO because I looked for him every day for a couple weeks. I even went back to the same wing of the hospital several times but I never saw him. I didn't want to have that meeting with him but just wanted to satisfy my suspicion that he was an FBI agent or maybe an informer.
The plumbers, electricians, and painters were constantly on my case for not defending my country. They kept calling me yellow belly, draft dodger, and of course names that are not printable. Sometimes Marko would tell them to shut up and mind their own business and then they would quit.
Every morning when I went to work I always went ten to fifteen minutes early to beat rush hour traffic and find a good parking place. The hospital entrance into the engineering department had a large foyer facing the street. I would always sit down and visit with the other men that were there. It was usually the draftsmen, electrician foreman, my department boss and maybe a couple other men and a few CO's. We would watch the traffic and people come and go till it was time to go to work.
This one morning I came to work as usual and there was nobody sitting in the foyer which was very unusual. I figured I must be late for work but a look at the clock said I was ten minutes early. I went in the office and there was no one there. I went past the electricians' lunch room, down through the boiler room, past the plumbers' lunch room to where our break room was and I didn't see one person. This was very unusual. I retraced my steps back up to the office and never saw anybody. It was five minutes till 8:00 and the secretaries were not there yet. I could not figure out what was going on. Finally I saw one man so I asked him where everybody was. He just mumbled something and kept on walking to his office. I couldn't even find Marko. I decided I would just go up to the floor where we had been working and get things ready. Maybe by then Marko would be there.
I got up to that floor and walked into the room where we had been working and there they were - the plumbers, painters and electricians, and they were all standing over by the windows talking in low tones. The minute I walked into the room they stopped talking and they all turned at the same time and looked at me. My heart immediately jumped to my throat. I knew something was wrong. One of the plumbers, Al Schmidt, was a huge giant of a man, six feet six inches tall and weighing well over three hundred pounds. His weight was not in his mid section. His arms were bigger than my legs, his fists were huge. They looked like the bottom of elephants' feet when stuck in front of your nose. He cursed and swore and came walking over to where I was and said, "Just what are you doing here?"
I started backing up against the concrete wall. The only thing between me and that giant was my tool box which was only waist high and not much protection. Again he asked me, "Just what are you doing here?"
There were about six or seven men and they all stood around me in a semi circle. They were all cursing at me. I said, "I just came to work like always."
He asked, "Why aren't you in Vietnam where you belong? Why aren't you defending your country?"
I told him my parents taught me it was wrong to go to war and the church I go to also teaches it's wrong to kill. That plumber's rage was increasing by the minute. He said, ' I don t care what your parents taught or what your church believes. I want to know why you're here."
The more I tried to explain to him my position the more angry he got. Then he said,
“We’ re going to take you to the recruiter's office this morning and we're going to see to it that you go to Vietnam. I bet if you were in a foxhole in Vietnam with a rifle in your hands and the Viet Cong would start coming at you, you would shoot just as hard and fast as anybody else. You wouldn't be a CO then."
The whole room had exploded in a rage. There was so much cursing and swearing. They called me every name in the book and then some. That plumber was standing in front of me, his huge arms swinging back and forth, opening and closing his huge fists and hollering at me for all he was worth.
Finally I asked him, "Wha... What did I do? Is there something I did wrong?"
He said, "Didn't you see the news this morning or read the paper?"
I said, "No."
He said, "There were five boys from the Kansas City area that were killed last night."
I thought those men were mad before. Now they were completely beside themselves with rage. He said, “Have you had a good night's sleep in a nice warm bed? You got up to a nice hot breakfast, got in your car and drove to work and nobody bothered you. Those poor boys spent the night in a foxhole in the swamps with the snakes, mosquitoes, alligators, and all kinds of bugs. They were wet and cold. Only to get killed, just so you could have your freedom."
I heard one of the electricians hollering, "Hit him! Hit him! Hit the bastard!"
Another one was hollering, "Get him out of here! Let's take him to the recruiter's office!"
I looked at the door. Under normal conditions it would be five jumps to get to the door, but by this time I was so scared I knew I could make it in three jumps. I also was watching those huge fists. I knew there was well over six hundred pounds of torque behind that fist and if it ever connected my lights would immediately go out besides getting a broken nose and busted teeth.
About this time Marko walked in and stood right beside me. He swore and said, "What's going on here?"
Then the plumber turned to Marko and said, 'Why do you have this dirty *@#!!!' CO working for you? He needs to be in Vietnam. He's nothing but a yellow bellied draft dodger!" The plumber was still hollering at the top of his voice. And we’re going to take him to the recruiter s office and get him out of here. He needs to defend his country. Marko, you were in the war, you about gave your life. They left you out in the battle field thinking you were dead. You were in the front lines and foxholes. You were wounded for your country. You fought for what you thought was right. Even though you fought in the German army you fought for what you thought was right and we highly respect you for that. We don't hold it against you even though you were in the German army. But this dirty draft dodger has no respect for his country."
I looked at Marko and I noticed his neck turning bright red starting at his shoulders and slowly moving up towards his ears. All this time Marko never said a word. The whole room was still wild with rage. I was getting more scared by the second. I thought if Marko turned against me I would have to leave. And leave in a hurry. I looked at the door and 1 thought I would have to make it in two jumps. Marko had blocked my exit. I would have to cartwheel over the tool box if possible and out the door. My heart was pounding hard. My adrenaline was really flowing. My legs felt like spring steel and they were surging. The thought crossed my mind not to jump my hardest. I might tear my tendons or rip my leg muscles. All this time I had one eye on those fists and one eye on Marko. Would he turn against me?
The red line on Marko's neck kept moving up. About the time it reached his ear lobe he exploded. "Will all you men shut up! If we were all Mennonites there would be no war!" As soon as Marko began speaking I heard a loud crash. There was nothing in the room that fell. It was a supernatural noise. The room was immediately charged with a Presence. I didn't know what it was. The men were stunned to a shocked silence. That plumber still stood in front of me. His arms went limp by his side. His fists opened up and he stood there speechless. There wasn't a sound from anybody. The plumber was trying to speak. His mouth was opening and closing. His lips were trying to form words but he couldn't speak, not a sound, not even a grunt. I can't put into words the relief and gratitude that flooded my soul towards Marko for having stood for my cause. That plumber knew if he would have lifted one finger and touched me, Marko would have lit right in the middle of him and decked him. There we all stood. No one spoke. It seemed like a long time but it was probably only a few seconds.
Finally I heard some feet shuffle and the plumbing foreman in a very quiet and subdued voice just above a whisper said, "Marko, you're right. You're probably right. Men, let's go to work." Still no one spoke. All I heard was shuffling of feet and the jingling of tools and tool carts. No one said a word until they went over the threshold of the door and out in the hall, and then all I heard was mumbling. Finally it was just Marko and me standing there. He turned to me and said, "Peachey, let's go to work."
That ended the harassment. From that point on no one, absolutely no one ever ripped or railed or spoke in a derogatory way on my CO stand. No one ever cursed me or called me a draft dodger again.
I looked at Marko and he had a very troubled expression on his face. All day I wanted to ask him why he stood for my cause but he was very unusually quiet and from the look on his face I couldn't bring myself to ask him. All day he hardly spoke. About 4:00 p.m. he said, "I'm going home."
!Continues~