Child Traing After Early Childhood, This is a Question, I need help!

Greetings fellow SermonIndex members.

Here is a little bit of a story and then I earnestly request your input.

My brother's wife passed two years ago and he has 4 children. His oldest has moved west with his mother's family, and now he has two sons, 15 and 16, and one daughter 12 at home he is parenting almost alone.

Before her death their marriage was not well and they were living in a home divide against itself. Many of the principles he would have liked to instill were mostly undermined for catering to the children's feelings. Not that he was blameless, but in general that was the pattern.

Now, two years later, he has the children's respect and love, but is overwhelmed with trying to undo 20 years of bad parenting. He was withdrawn the children from public school and has enlisted my assistance homeschooling them in a pace programs. Since my involvement, by God grace, there has been improvement.

As can be expected, in spending time with them in schooling I began to see how their relationships function and the needs in the home. My brother clearly sees and understands these needs also, and wants to rectify the situation, but is limited in time trying to be a provider, spiritual teacher, and Dad and Mom.

Here is where I come in as his "single" sister. Beyond schooling he has requested that I become more directly involved in training them in the functions of running a home and more directly involved in the character training of his daughter. This poses some other adjustments in my life, but I am willing as the Lord provides for my situation, but that is a different story.

I've done much in way of preparing myself to be a wife and mother. Listening to many Godly teachers and working with families by way of being a service to them, etc etc etc. Especially the Kenaston and Pearl ministries. So here I am in a position of playing a supporting role to my brother and in part parenting the children and feeling utterly inadequate.

My question specifically is a request for resources or helps in training an older child that hasn't received proper child training from infancy. How do you reach the heart and alter the perspective of an older child? For example, simple things like self-denial; communicating with patience, etc. I think if I can reach them, especially her, the 12 yr old daughter, in those areas, then teaching home-making skill will go much easier.

Hope this isn't sounding like babbling and makes sense. Please respond with prayerful input, not sympathies and hopelessness. I don't think the Lord would have called me or even more so my brother to this if there wasn't an answer.

Thank you so much to anyone who replies,
God Bless!

I can recommend a couple of books from Devern Fromke, I have used them in my home and found them to be very helpful. They both contain a collection of short stories that children and teenagers can enjoy and discuss, perfect for character building.

They are titled Seeing God's Purpose in Everything and Seeing God's Wisdom in His Ways.

You can purchase them for $6 each at the folllowing link...[url=http://www.kingsleypress.com/devern-fromke.html]Kingsley Press[/url]

In Christ,

Ron

How do you reach the heart and alter the perspective of an older child? For example, simple things like self-denial; communicating with patience, etc.

Be forewarned though... (you probably already know this but) you won't get it right either! And really, we are not supposed to; if we [i]can[/i] get it right, what do we need God for, really?

One thing to remember, when you don't get it right, humble yourself and apologize to the children! It takes a LOT to say your sorry to a child especially when you KNOW you are wrong! From being a teacher, one thing that I've seen kids hope to see in a parent is that we aren't a smart or perfect as we tend to think we are!! LOL

To me, I believe this is truly the circle of life... hurting, humbling, asking for forgiveness, hurting, humbling, giving forgiveness. Our parents are the first people we must forgive and if we do, we can only hope to live so that our children would choose to forgive us as well. My sons are 19 and 17 and I told them a few years ago after coming back to the Lord, "I can save you a lot of money in counseling sessions." And they said excitedly, "How?" I told them, "When ever you think of something that I did negatively or that I slighted you in some big or small way, or I mistreated you.... forgive me and you will save thousands of dollars!"

Also, I want to add another thing I might have misread in your post. I really hope that you and your brother are not negative concerning the children's mother and how she raised them. They love her! If any negativity has happened, please pray about apologizing to them because it's the little foxes that destroy the vine and you wouldn't want all your hard work to go for not because of some hurt feelings that has festered and allowed bitterness to grow. But then again, if nothing negative has been said, then toss this advice into the trash where it belongs!

Truly the only one who can reach a heart and alter the perspective of an older child is the Holy Spirit but who ever the Lord [b]allows[/b] to reach in, they will!! Have faith, sister because that's how we walk!

No, we don't talk negatively about her. When we are talking we talk about her as we would any other member of the family with good and bad qualities. But never in a put down or disrespectful way. We all loved their mother, and even when their marriage wasn't good, somehow as parents they were able to teach the children to honor and respect the other parent. It also helped the children in the loosing of their mother, that their parents reconciled and my brother was the one that nursed her till she passed, with some assistance from our Mother. But he was the one by her side taking care of her.

Lysa wrote:

How do you reach the heart and alter the perspective of an older child? For example, simple things like self-denial; communicating with patience, etc.

"Communicating with patience" takes patience and kids watch how you communicate every single thing! You betchya! "YOUR" portrayal of these things will communicate [b]far more[/b] than your words or books ever will.

Be forewarned though... (you probably already know this but) you won't get it right either! And really, we are not supposed to; if we [i]can[/i] get it right, what do we need God for, really?

One thing to remember, when you don't get it right, humble yourself and apologize to the children! It takes a LOT to say your sorry to a child especially when you KNOW you are wrong! From being a teacher, one thing that I've seen kids hope to see in a parent is that we aren't a smart or perfect as we tend to think we are!! LOL

To me, I believe this is truly the circle of life... hurting, humbling, asking for forgiveness, hurting, humbling, giving forgiveness. Our parents are the first people we must forgive and if we do, we can only hope to live so that our children would choose to forgive us as well. My sons are 19 and 17 and I told them a few years ago after coming back to the Lord, "I can save you a lot of money in counseling sessions." And they said excitedly, "How?" I told them, "When ever you think of something that I did negatively or that I slighted you in some big or small way, or I mistreated you.... forgive me and you will save thousands of dollars!"

Also, I want to add another thing I might have misread in your post. I really hope that you and your brother are not negative concerning the children's mother and how she raised them. They love her! If any negativity has happened, please pray about apologizing to them because it's the little foxes that destroy the vine and you wouldn't want all your hard work to go for not because of some hurt feelings that has festered and allowed bitterness to grow. But then again, if nothing negative has been said, then toss this advice into the trash where it belongs!

Truly the only one who can reach a heart and alter the perspective of an older child is the Holy Spirit but who ever the Lord [b]allows[/b] to reach in, they will!! Have faith, sister because that's how we walk!