Dear bible4life,
I agree that rainydaygirl makes a very important point, that you should focus on knowing Jesus and not on yourself and how you feel. As Paul Washer said in his sermon "The True Gospel", "It's all about God". You might want to listen to this sermon, which touches on many of your concerns at [url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G7X24_vOWwU]Link to The True Gospel (Paul Washer)[/url]
Also, I pasted below my response to a different thread which I pray will be helpful to you.
Copied from another thread:
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If you ask any Christian if they are born again, almost all of them will say yes. But we know from scripture (Mt 7:21-23) that on the day of judgment, many who claim Jesus as their Lord and Saviour will be disappointed to learn that they will not be allowed into God's kingdom.
The truth is one does not become a born-again Christian by declaring himself to be such. Neither can the declaration of a "religious authority" like a priest, or a pastor, or an evangelist make it so. Only God is qualified to decide the matter. However, he has provided sufficient guidelines in the Bible to help us assess ourselves in this regard.
First, we must make a distinction between a professing Christian and a born-again Christian. A professing Christian is one who has turned towards God and openly acknowledges Jesus as Lord. In a sense one can say that he has faith in God... but the critical question is what kind of faith? This distinction of different levels of faith or belief is explained in the Bible in Mt 13:1-23 (Parable of the Sower) and James 2:14-26 (Faith and Deeds).
A professing Christian can be likened to a new believer who believes in God and his word, yet has not yet imbibed a sufficient understanding of scripture and God's character to experience a life change (being born again). A professing Christian is still a seeker who has not yet reached the end of his journey. A reborn Christian is one who not only believes in God and his word, but also has come to a point of understanding where he is overwhelmed by the greatness of God's love, the majesty of God's holiness, and the sinfulness and unworthiness of his own life. The reborn Christian is so moved by these things that he truly falls in love with God the the way explained by Jesus in Mt 22:36-40 "with all your heart and with all your soul and will all your mind".
I believe it is this "falling in love with God" phase that constitutes true rebirth. Of all human values, virtues, or emotions, it is love that has the power to change lives. It is love that changes one from being a "taker" (self-gratification) to being a "giver" (selflessly gratifying the object of our love). Love is what makes parents die for their children; it is what makes patriots die for their country; it is what made God give up his only son for us; it is what made Jesus die for our redemption; and it is what will make us live or die for Christ. That is why scripture says in 1Co 13:13 that love is greater than faith.
The journey from being a professing Christian to a reborn Christian depends on how well the Holy Spirit is able to lead the believer. It can take an instant, or it may take a lifetime, and sometimes the journey is never completed. As explained in the parable of the sower, if we allow ourselves to be distracted, if we lose interest, and if we fail to become deeply-rooted we could fail to complete the journey --- thus we have a situation where a "born-again" Christian appears to lose his salvation and end up in hell. The truth is he was never born-again, though he claimed to be.
I believe that a true born-again Christian --- one who has come to know God intimately, one who has fallen totally in love with God, and whose overriding goal in life is to please God and God alone --- such a one can no longer be lost (Jn 10:29).
Love is so powerful that one would seek to please his or her beloved even in the absence of rewards and even with the threat of punishments. Thus we see how the apostles and many Christians devoted themselves to serving the cause of Christ even though they suffered and died for it.
One way I try to distinguish true born-again Christians from those who have still to reach that point is to ask: Why are you a Christian? Most would answer something like: To gain eternal life; to be blessed; to become righteous before God; to be with fellow believers; to gain guidance; to get to heaven, etc. To paraphrase these responses, they are saying "I am a Christian to get something good for myself" -- still with the attitude of a "taker" but definitely moving along the right path (thank God). But those who have been transformed would answer "I am a Christian because I love God", and if pushed they would admit that they would still be Christians even without the promise of salvation, even without heaven or hell, even without the promise of blessings. These are those who would suffer and die for Christ. These are those of whom the Bible says "the world was not worthy of them". These are the ones who can never fall away --- because they are in love with God.
