Spanking

How important is spanking in raising a child? I would guess many of us here on SI have been spanked as a child, but then I may be in for a surprise: many may say 'no, I have never been spanked and I consider it a barbaric act in raising children!'

Proverbs 13:24; 22:15; 23:13-14 speak much in advocating the use of the rod in compelling a child to obey when he is inclined to do otherwise.

In raising a child it is so very important that one learns unconditional obedience to a parents commands/wishes. A child does not have to know why he/she is told to do something: he/she is to obey. When a child learns to obey a valuable lesson is learned in regards to how one is to approach the Scriptures, and other authority figures God has placed in our lives. Regardless who you work for or with, or if you are your own boss, you will have to submit to some kind of authority - if nothing else the Internal Revenue!

Some modern parents opted to raise their children relying on psychology, reasoning to get their child to obey. And, depending on the child's temperament, it may work - for a while or even into adulthood. But what happens when this [now] adult meets with circumstances which are more rough and not so 'sweet' if he/she has never learned to surrender his/her will to another?

So, what am I getting at? I just learned that a person close to me was raised by parents that resorted to psychology to raise her and now she finds it almost impossible to submit to authority. Oh, sure, she will obey the law of the land, but what about husband, God, and others? All are viewed with a critical attitude, people never do things just quite right and hence she feels justified to do her own thing and everything else be hanged!

Anyhow, I was reminded how important it is for a child to learn submission in the home, in the school, in the church and to God. Unless this lesson is learned, they make poor spouses, poor parents and are hard to get along with socially.

Anyone have any thoughts?

ginnyrose

I have three kids ages 18, 13 and 12. People around us have always complimented us on the way our kids were raised because they see the good manners, the deference to elders, respect for others, obedience, and relative maturity of our kids.

For us, it seemed so easy being parents. We didn't worry or fret about how to raise our kids, nor did we seek books on modern psychology - we relied on God's wisdom in the Bible. So, yes - our kids were spanked each and every time they exhibited bad behavior (folly is in the heart of a child), but this was done lovingly.

We started disciplining them this way very early (less than a year old) because medical research showed that the most rapid brain development in kids occurred between ages 0 to 2 years.

Our experience is that, with early discipline, kids no longer need to be spanked much after 2 years of age. By then, they have learned the wisdom of obeying their parents and acting responsibly. From ages 3 and up, mild verbal reprimand was all that we needed to correct our kids.

But we also have never tried to limit our kid's attachment to us as parents, as some try to do. From infancy, we always rushed to their side when they cried. We embraced and held them as much as they wanted. We allowed them to sleep in our room whenever they felt like it. And my wife breast-fed our kids until they themselves decided they were too old for it (about 2 years old).

Great post Leo. You story is very similar to my wife and I. Except that we continue to spank when needed. I have a 6, 4, 2 and 2 month old. All we have done is follow a biblical model on how to raise out children, and you are correct. You can see a difference in how they act and respect others.

Yes. I agree with biblical spanking.

Ginnyrose wrote

In raising a child it is so very important that one learns unconditional obedience to a parents commands/wishes. A child does not have to know why he/she is told to do something: he/she is to obey.

I am NO expert for my wife and I have 3 young ones right now. May I add to your above statement... Yes what you said is true that a child say 1-2 yrs old we should be training to obey unconditionally without a reason why. However, as they get beyond that age we are to move into giving the reason with the reproof so we can begin to sow on their conscience.. The last thing we need to do is create moral robots, that go rogue the minute authority leaves their presence. The goal should be to move from unconditional obedience to unconditional obedience with the moral reason for the obedience so the child can grow in making decisions on his/her own, not because their parents said so, but because they have learned that lying for exampling, is sin, hurts people, etc. They begin to make the choice to obey as they grow up from their conscience..... And hopefully by the Grace of God the awakening of their conscious by the sowing of moral standards will help lead them to the cross at an early age. rnieman

Greetings Ginnyrose
I did spank my boys when they were younger. Some needed the rod more often then others because of willfully disobeying. Its so funny to me because you always hear people say how wrong it is to punish a child with a spanking yet all my children will tell you that not only did they deserve the punishment they were glad that I cared enough to be involved in their lives and that I took the time to correct them when they misbehaved(sinned). I always took the time when I disciplined them to point out to them what they did, why it was sin and that in their sin they hurt Jesus. When it came time to apologize I always make sure they understand that while its good to make amends with the person they transgressed its most important that they go the Lord in prayer and repent. Seeking His forgiveness is upper most important. Any time I heard "its not fair" from one of my children I used it as an opportunity to get out the Bible and share with them the passages of Jesus suffering and dying on the cross. Afterward we would talk about how it was not fair that Jesus died and suffered for sins that He did not comment and that if things were always fair then each of us would have to pay the penalty for our own sins. As they got older they became more and more thankful that things were not always "fair."
Learning to submit our will is a process I think that should begin very young.

God Bless
maryjane

A few comments..

Leo - It is gratifying to read of dads who love their children…your children must be fortunate to have you for their dad.

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Rnieman wrote: "The last thing we need to do is create moral robots, that go rogue the minute authority leaves their presence. The goal should be to move from unconditional obedience to unconditional obedience with the moral reason for the obedience so the child can grow in making decisions on his/her own, not because their parents said so, but because they have learned that lying for exampling, is sin, hurts people, etc."

I agree.

Part of parenting is that one needs to train your children so you will eventually be without a job. The empty nest is a wonderful era of life as well. I thoroughly enjoy it except that the body keeps informing that it has gone quite a few miles.

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MaryJane wrote: "Learning to submit our will is a process I think that should begin very young."

And you won’t learn it any younger. Unfortunately, it is also a lifelong process. It just is not a foreign way of life if it is learned from childhood.

MaryJane, you are a good mama. I loved your testimony….

I am so disgusted how I fell for the Christianized version of Dr. Spock’s method of child training when I was a young mom. This method promoted the concept of reasoning with your child to get him to obey. You took on the role of a friend rather then a parent in authority. This is the method I referred to in my original post. However, in time I did learn a parent should not have to tell a child more then two times to do something. The first time he/she may not have understood the request. So you repeat it to make sure he did. THEN if there is willful disobedience, there are consequences.

Recently, I read something that I thought was such a brilliant idea, so good I wished I had known about it when I was a young mom. (I did share it with our son who has five children.)

To teach a child how to hold still: you start when very young. You set him/her on the floor with a small toy on a blanket for a few minutes each day, telling him he needs to be quiet, that he cannot move off this blanket. Increase this time as you go until you get to the time you expect this child to hold still while in worship service, which could be 40 minutes. Seems to me this would be the maximum that a very young child could be capable of …if the child wants to sleep, this would be fine. The goal is to teach the child to be quiet, content for a period of time.

Blessings to all you young parents with children. Enjoy it while you can. Don’t allow the devil to bring in his devices which are designed to lure people away from God, especially children. They are so precious…sometimes there are brief moments when I wish I could do it all over again but I no longer have the stamina - God knew what he was doing when he disabled the female body to not reproduce.

ginnyrose

People compliment us on the behavior of our kids, and I always respond "it didn't happen by accident!"

This is a real honor. Consider yourself blessed, Krispy.

It seems like it never fails that when we go to Wal-Mart you will hear a kid yelling and screaming with the parent standing idly by, not working to restrain the child. Some of these kids are way to big to be throwing a tantrum. In any case a parent should never allow this to happen. If it would have been mine, I would have told that child he will be dealt with at home and he would never again have done a repeat performance.

Now guess what kind of person this child will grow up to be and guess who will have to use restraint on it. Yeah, it is legal for the police to physically restrain a body but let a parent [EDIT] discipline a child in public and you will invite the wrath, inquiry of the Human Services....

ginnyrose

Dear Deep Thinker,

I know we consider a good "slap" a form of God's solution, but the Bible does command the use of a rod for discipline.

I am not a tyrant nor did I ever like the idea of hitting my child with something, but the Word is the Word and His ways are not ours.

When we begin to view lighter ways to deal with inborn rebellion, we have altered the Lord's Word because we think He is too harsh.

I had a spanking paddle called "the helping hand" and I bought it in Amish country. My children knew the appearance of that meant that they had crossed the line and they still talk about it to this day. :)

I hated discipling them, but knew if I didn't obey the Lord, the price would be greater as Ginny stated. I have a problem about striking a child with my hand and once they were older, ( which wasn't too long), I resorted to a rod.

If we beat them, they will not die. My children loved and respected me and later in years so thanked me when they saw the conduct of their friends.

Selah.

I resorted to a rod.

KathleenP, your post on the use of the 'rod' brings back some memories...

I used to use a switch harvested from the trees in your yard, keeping it on top of the refrigerator. One child, and it may be more then one who did it, made sure I had one on hand at all times. He/she will go out and break one off the tree and bring it in to show it to me! I would thank the child and place it on the top of the frig. (BTW, the one who supplied the switch may very likely be one who experienced its application!)

Years later the children talked about this and they would laugh! and I would smile. :-)

ginnyrose

I do want to bump this thread chiefly because it's an issue that is crucial in today's church.

If we don't teach our children to honor and respect both ourselves and others via chastening and, most importantly, the Lord's wisdom, we will lose that godly seed He so desires.

Thanks to all you young parents that are endeavoring to train up your children in a biblical manner.

It is frightening how child phychology has silently made it's way into the church.

Knowing that I will be judged on how I raised my children that were given to me is almost more sobering than my own personal walk, because they were placed in my specific care. May the Lord wake up the church in this area.

What happened to the sweet "Yes Ma'ams and "yes Sirs" that graced the lips of those that were taught to respect the older saints. At the age of 48 I can still remember that era.

May we yearn for what has been lost dear saints.

Quote:
"Yes Ma'ams and "yes Sirs" that graced the lips of those that were taught to respect the older saints."

It is amazing how these few words have so much power in teaching respect in children for their elders. It is so little but has such profound results.

I am also wondering if our hurried lifestyle does not have a detrimental effect on our children. We are always two steps behind and in the process we get frustrated because we are not getting accomplished what we needed to.(Yes, White Stone, I am preaching to myself. too.):-) Perhaps, we need to step back and reevaluate our goals, what is essential and focus on it, and quit running over our children.

Social demands is another great robber of peace in the home. There are so many sports' practices, music lessons to be had, camping trips...how do these enhance family life? Too many 'good' outside activities do nothing to better family life, but rob it instead, don't you think?

Thanks for the input.

ginnyrose

DeepTHinker,I am so sad you were raised by an abusive dad...I hope you have learned from this experience and that you are not perpetuating it in the life of your children - I assume you are married with children. The parenting styles we were exposed to when growing up usually become our pattern in parenting UNLESS we allow the Holy Spirit to transform us to reflect his will in the matter.

BroTom mentioned how he felt like he was too harsh in the raising of his son...I am satisfied he knows what he did, I will not dispute that. There, however, is the problem with us seniors - when we grow older we look back and wish there were so many things we could do over. We feel like we didn't do it right, whatever it may be.

The Holy Spirit convicted me that I did not treat child #3 right....I had to call him to apologize. You see, I got so busy with work, gardening and he simply fell through the cracks. He had two older siblings who kept track of him and entertained him; I did not have to. He was a compliant child; I took him for granted. It was so very hard to know what his interests were because he did not assert himself...so what was the problem? He was a person who I never learned to know, and I was not sympathetic nor sensitive to his needs. Oh sure, he learned to submit to authority, so much he became a 1st.Lt. in the National Guard.

Yes, parenting is not for cowards.

ginnyrose

Thanks all for your responses. I am so sad also DeepThinker for what you went through. My father's abuse culminated in many children suffering from mental illness and one suicide.

I have Christ Jesus though, and I simply sought to do things His way and with the love that my unsaved father lacked. I grew to pity my Dad, for he dwelt in denial and insanity and died alone without Jesus.

No matter what our lives were prior to our conversion, we must see Jesus as the restorer. I could not avoid discipline simply because of what I suffered. I prayed much and asked for wisdom which He faithfully supplied.

Ginny, thanks as well for your input. We all as parents learn from our errors and if only others would desire the godly counsel we could give! :)

The inibility to show our children limitations and teach them to respect and honor is an overflow of a church that also wants an easy walk. It really does require persistence and we tend to give up when we don't see immediate results. We have begun to fail in so many ways and I fear the outcome will be the cost of many souls.

Thank you all for your thoughts. It has never been an easy task to rear children, but having the Word and Jesus as our guide, I desire that we would have those little lights that shine in this dark world.