Chatting online

greetings

I was talking with some sisters in Christ and we were discussing the dangers of internet chat, and even the use of pm on a forum such as this. One of the ladies shared with us about a woman in a news article who professed to be a christian and yet has become involved with a another married man through a forum on the internet. It began with them sharing in the forums and then they started sending each other private messages. Their conversations became more personal and more secretive, this woman said that she was able to share things with this man that her own husband would never be able to understand. After a few months of sharing through pm they began chatting online with out their spouses knowing. Eventually they decided to meet and are now involved in an affair. Both are leaving their spouses and getting divorced. They believe God brought them together because both were actually in really unhappy marriages, even though the woman admits things did not become really strained until after she began secretly chatting with this other man.

I was wondering how some of the other who visit the forum handle this. For me, I always have my husband read any pm that I get that are from men, and if he thinks its appropriate then I respond under his guidance. My husband knows my passwords to my email and online accounts and I do not take part in chat. I really think that any woman/guy who finds themselves ever keeping their passwords or online activity like chat, posting, or pm with the opposite sex a secret from their spouses this should be an alarm that they are on dangerous ground.

God bless
maryjane

Maryjane,

How would I handle this? I would not sit still for a conversation like this. If this is the level of conversation these 'sisters in Christ' have to offer, you are better off leaving them alone.

First off, you are hearing gossip, this is to be avoided. It is slanderous, too.

If some woman confessed this behavior to you personally then you could comment and advise her to repent but for a group of women who call themselves 'Christian' to sit and gossip is just wrong. Perhaps the one telling the story is actually the one, or she has a day dream of being the one, still it is sin, to actually have done it, to think of it and to partake in a hen party cackling about it. Flee their company.

Does you husband know about that conversation, as you say he knows all your passwords? I would think you wouldn't want him to see you partaking in anything like that. If he does know, what did he say? I would think you would know what would be said here, I can't imagine why you even have to pose a question as this.

this should be an alarm that they are on dangerous ground.

white stone :-(

White stone or anyone else I offended

I should have made clear that the lady was sharing from an article about women and men who have become involved with in extra marital relationships because of their use of internet chat and so forth. Sorry I did not convey that better. No this was not some one that we knew personally and yes my husband does know about this post and the article and the conversation. The group that I was talking this over with where not gossiping but discussing that there is in fact a real danger for that kind of thing to go on if you are keeping secrets from your spouse. I think its a valid question to consider, many men and woman spend a great deal of time on the internet chatting and visiting forums(not saying that is wrong) just think it can open up people to temptation that does not need to be if they are not careful about how they go about sharing with others of the opposite sex. Personally I do not believe that woman should be a sharing or counseling with men with out their husbands being present and involved. I believe woman should minster and share with women and men should do so with men. This is just my opinion though and I wondered what others view point on this subject might be. If this is not an acceptable topic then I will take it down it is not my intention to cause anyone and offense or harm.

God Bless
mj

Edit: I went back and corrected my original post, hope that makes things a bit more clear then before. Also I did not mean to imply or make it seem as if I was saying that the forums that were talked about was this one, but rather it was said to have been a Christian forum. I really hope that clears things up and sorry for any confusion. At my husbands suggestion I also changed the title of the thread, the other one was probably not the best choice.

Whew! :-P

Excuse my comments, in light of your explanation, they are not necessary.

Kindest regards,
white stone

Well, anybody that has a strong marriage has nothing to worry about chatting online. No man or woman would ever leave their spouse if they are truly committed to each other. The internet does not break marriages.

Now if the marriage isn't strong and the spouses aren't committed to each other, it's a different story. it just won't matter whether through the internet or meeting somebody at work or at the gym, people will have affairs and sometimes divorce as a result.

So the key is having a christ centered marriage and committing to God to never leave your spouse.

Chatting online is much less dangerous than flirting with a co-worket or going with a friend of the opposite sex to the gym.

The important thing is to always have ones heart, and ones eyes, set continually upon the Lord. To sin is to lose communion with He that is altogether lovely - and no person, or thing, is worth the loss of He that is above all things.

Greetings billk

It was not the chatting that is the problem necessarily its keeping secrets from a spouse and conversing with a member of the opposite sex with out your spouse knowing that is the danger. Of course your are right if a persons marriage is not on solid ground and centered on Christ Jesus then that couple is already going to be facing huge hurdles to begin with. And I agree that flirting or hanging out alone with members of the opposite sex with out your spouse present should not be happening.

Thank you for your post and welcome to SI

God Bless
maryjane

Edit: Heartsong I think we posted at the same time. I agree that its never worth grieving our Lord. He is and should always be our focus. Thank you:-)

Not trying to sound sexist, but the fact of the matter is...

Girls / Women either belong to their fathers, or their husbands.

All relationships should be acted out accordingly to the fact mentioned above.

No married man or married woman not married to each other should ever get into a personal conversation with each other. Ever. The potential is too real.

Maybe some people need other people to keep track of them to keep them from sin, but there just might come a time or place where that person is out of sight, and therefore out of mind. It is to my heavenly Father that I have given my heart, my mind, and my soul. I continually commend all that I am to Him, and He keeps me from falling. He is ever present and fully knows the condition of my heart. He gives me correction and I turn at His command.

Maybe some people need to hold to the above to keep themselves from sinning, but that does not mean that everyone else has to also. It is when we try to put others in our own little box that problems arise.

Greeting Heartsong

I think what Krispy was referring to is the kind of conversation where one spouse is confiding in a person of the opposite sex about private or perhaps even marital situation. If that is what he meant then I agree, there is a very real danger for a wife/husband to go to another person of the opposite sex and share personal conversations if that person is not their spouse.

You wrote:Maybe some people need other people to keep track of them to keep them from sin, but there just might come a time or place where that person is out of sight, and therefore out of mind. It is to my heavenly Father that I have given my heart, my mind, and my soul. I continually commend all that I am to Him, and He keeps me from falling. He is ever present and fully knows the condition of my heart. He gives me correction and I turn at His command.
_____

I am not sure if you mean for it to but it almost sounds as if you have no need for the body of believers that makes up the church. We are called after all to Hebrew 3:13 But exhort one another daily, while it is called To day; lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin.
I do agree that God can and does correct us and He alone can help us to over come sin, but He also uses others to help us in our walk with Him daily as well. That is what being apart of the body of Christ is about, helping one another as we walk together in Christ.

I share all my passwords and email infor with my husband because I love him and respect him. I do not want to give the enemy any kind of foot hold in my life or my husbands life so we share these things with one another.

God Bless
mj

I am not sure if you mean for it to but it almost sounds as if you have no need for the body of believers that makes up the church. We are called after all to Hebrew 3:13 But exhort one another daily, while it is called To day; lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin. I do agree that God can and does correct us and He alone can help us to over come sin, but He also uses others to help us in our walk with Him daily as well. That is what being apart of the body of Christ is about, helping one another as we walk together in Christ.

Greeting Heartsong

I understand that there are those who would rather tear down then help point us toward Jesus. I have encounter that at times in my walk as well. It is a real blessing though when we have those around us who love Jesus, more then self and are willing to pour themselves out into each others lives and demonstrate the love of Jesus to speak into our lives truthfully.

You wrote:But as far as confiding in others about my spouse - well, for the most part, I just confide in the Lord.
__

I am sorry to admit sister I did not realize that you were married. Forgive me for not paying closer attention. For some reason I was under the impression that you were a single young woman.

For me personally I have some very close older mature ladies whom I know will speak to me in love that I share with things concerning my marriage on occasion, but as you mentioned I to often go to the Lord and seek Him on those matters. There have been many areas of self that I have had to die to where my marriage is concerned. I find that being married can be a place that Father uses to really help us grow in Him daily:-) Parenting is another one:-)

Thank you for sharing with us.

God bless
maryjane