Hi rookie...
Interesting -- and thanks for sharing!
I had a similar experience when I came to Christ. I was quite agnostic as a teenager. I was an honor student from a good Christian home. I had plenty of friends. However, I just didn't know if God truly existed or not.
Little-by-little, I began to wonder whether or not God existed. This question troubled me quite a bit. I reasoned that, if God existed, I was in deep trouble. I remember thinking about this one day in the early summer as I watered the lawn. I started thinking about the story from the Bible about men who saw Jesus after he resurrected. I thought to myself, "[i]If God really existed, and I saw him, I would run to him and embrace him[/i]." I remember being shocked at thinking something like this...because I was fairly "certain" that God didn't exist. However, I felt like I was onto something (if that makes sense). I knew that I didn't believe in God (let alone know Him)...but I felt something overwhelm me.
The next week, I went to a Christian summer camp. I really didn't want to go, but I knew that my parents were going to send me anyway. Besides, they had plenty of "normal" things to do (like a pool, a lake, hiking trails, horseback riding, etc...). So I didn't mind being "forced" to attend the camp.
During the week, we had to attend "share groups" at various times throughout the day. One day, we were told that we needed to bring our "favorite Scripture verse or passage" to the share group the next morning. Since I didn't really read the Bible, I didn't have a "favorite" passage of Scripture. So, a few minutes before the group was going to meet in the morning, I tried to find one. I quickly opened up my unused Bible to Matthew 11:28-30. I quickly read over it and thought that it sounded good enough, so I put a pencil in my Bible to hold the place.
I arrived at my share group, nervous that the others might realize that I didn't really know or understand the Bible (or even truly believe in God). Our group went around the circle with each person reading or reciting their verse(s). Finally, it was my turn. I read the verse aloud. As soon as I finished reading it, I looked up at my share counselor and the others (to see what they thought). I remember that the counselor just nodded and said, "Nice," and then quickly moved on to the next person. I was happy that I seemed to fool everyone with the verses. No one else seemed to have even cared about the verses that I read. Little did I know that God was going to use that passage to directly impact me.
Throughout that day, I felt this extreme heaviness on my heart. Everywhere I walked, I kept thinking about the words in that verse: "[i]Come to me[/i]..." Over and over again throughout the day, I heard those words pierce through my agnosticism. "[i]Come to me...and I will give you rest[/i]." In fact, that passage actually made me quite miserable for the rest of the day (if that makes sense). I couldn't enjoy myself while I played basketball or volleyball. I couldn't enjoy myself when I was canoeing or in the pool. I was still myself, but the realization of how "lost" I was had become overwhelming. I now agonized throughout the day...when I mentally sinned and when I was just alone. Yet I tried to hide the fact that I had suddenly become the most miserable person on Earth.
That night, I attended the mandatory Church meeting. It was an old fashioned "campmeeting" type of service outside in the Texas warmth. I remember watching people as they worshiped the Lord during the songs. I was still trying to hide the misery within my own soul. After the sermon, the speaker invited people to get right with God. There were plenty of other teenagers around me who were even weeping as they "got right with God." Me? I was still so empty and miserable inside. I didn't think that I could hide it any longer, so I finally walked off from the camp. I walked out into that field in utter despair. Suddenly, when I couldn't stand it any longer, I thought about going to find one of the counselors to pray for me. It had never dawned upon me until that moment that I could actually become a Christian. I suppose that this was because I didn't actually believe in God...maybe until that point. I looked back at the meeting area and realized that all of the adults, counselors and pastors seemed to have their hands full. So I walked further out in the field in that warm Texas night.
When I stood out in that field...I was still in agony. I felt so completely empty and "dry" (if that makes sense). Finally, when I stood at the apex of turmoil, I just whispered in a painful release, "[i]God, I want to know you[/i]."
It was then that I heard God speak to me. It was simple and pure and undeniably from God (and not myself): "[i]You don't know Me[/i]." This set off a release from deep within. I cried out to God over the next few hours as I poured my entire life out like water before Him. I told God that I would trade all that I was, and all that I would ever be, if I could just know Him, and be His friend. I kept telling Him that I wanted to know Him. It was real...undeniably supernatural...and I felt as scales (like Saul) had fallen from my spiritual eyes. I knew that I was suddenly born again. Every bit of unbelief had faded into the obscurity of the shadow of the knowledge that not only does God exist, but that I now knew the one true living God.
I remember laying in my bunk that night...feeling so "new." I knew that God existed...and that I knew Him (no matter if anyone else on Earth truly knew Him too). I had just passed from my old life...into my new eternal life.
Rookie, I agree. God spoke to me BEFORE I even truly believed in Him. Yes, He used a passage from the Word of God. Yet this came before I even believed that God even existed. I was not "regenerated" before this point. I was still an "honest agnostic" when I read that passage from Matthew. Yet God used it to speak to me and penetrate deeply within my heart of hearts.
So, I am thankful that we can hear God's voice BEFORE we are regenerated. In fact, I doubt many people can be regenerated without first hearing God speak to them or reveal Himself to them.
:-)