Is a christian always suppose to say yes?

Hi

As Christians, should our answer always be yes?
If we are asked for help from another believer or from someone who is not saved should we always answer yes to their request? I am not speaking about doing anything that would go against Gods word, I am asking about when others ask you to do things, is there ever a time when it is alright to say no. How does a christian know if they are just being used or taken advantage of? Is it possible to say yes to often, to give help to someone who is always asking?

It was shared with me that there are times we need to step back from a person who is asking for help and let the Holy Spirit lead us in how we respond. Sometimes we actually steal away an opportunity the Lord has for them to learn something by always doing for them and helping? In our desire to want to care for others we may actually not be demonstrating love for them by always responding with a yes. Does this sound right to anyone else?

Thanks guys
love in Him
ebeth

The Lord Jesus said no when they asked him to come and do "good" when Lazarus was sick, because he listened to his Fathers will, some time later the Father said "go" and he went, i am sure when he said no, many looked at him with surprise and questioning... maybe even some pherhaps as selfish not going the "extra" mile to help his friend when he helped so many others? or maybe people had similar thoughts...

anyhow, its ok to say no... whatever is not of faith is sin, if we are helping people not in faith and saying yes more out of a sense of "guilt" or something else then faith it is sin.

So i think in all our yes, helping, we need as with everything walk in the spirit. And i am convinced sometimes he will lead us to say no, sometimes even without giving a specific reason, other times he may tell us yes when every fiber of our flesh is screaming no.

We need wisdom and leading from the spirit where we say our "yes" , if we do it foolishly we will waste our time helping out where God never intended us to helping and working.

Pray and he will show us all we need to know.

Text book reply...

Walk in the Spirit, according to the will of the Father, grounded in the Word of God, for the glory of Christ.

Practical reply...

Not sure. Confess your lack of knowledge and wisdom in every situation, and ask that God would work good through any foolish decision that you make, through His sovereign grace.

Let your yes be yes, and let your no be no...

Hi wind_blows...

I don't know if you are referring to the passage within the Sermon on the Mount (or plain) in which Jesus instructed us to "give to everyone who asks" (Matthew 5:42 and Luke 6:30). To some, these passages (and the passages that surround them) seem to indicate that we are bound to a new written law that was spoken by Jesus. In such cases, these words become absolute commands. If a person were to attack you or your family, you would not resist. If a person asked for you clothes, you would give it to them. If a person asked for your house and all of your possessions, you would give it to them...simply because they asked.

However, there are some believers who look at these words as an elucidation of the greater and only commands of the Law of the Spirit that state, "[i]Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind[/i]" and "[i]Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself[/i]" (Matthew 22:36-39). Jesus stated that these two simple commandments "hang all the law and the prophets" (Matthew 22:40).

There are some other commands that were spoken by Jesus in the Sermon on the Mount that are often difficult to digest. In regard to lust and adultery, Jesus told people to "pluck" out their eye and cut off their hand and throw them away if they caused one to sin (Matthew 5:27-30). I suppose that the escape clause is that an eye or hand doesn't really cause sin...because lust and adultery are matters of the heart and not of the eye or hand. In fact, Paul wrote against the notion of dividing off parts of the body in writing about the Church being the Body of Jesus Christ (I Corinthians 12:14-26).

One might actually question whether or not there are other precepts from Scripture that supersede others. For instance, the New Testament says that a man is supposed to take care of the needs of his family (both immediate family and extended family), then he is "worse than an infidel" (I Timothy 5:8). This preeminence of family (or the Church) is echoed elsewhere in which we are told to do good to all men but "ESPECIALLY unto them who are of the household of faith" (Galatians 6:10). It would seem that the command to take care of the needs of the family supersede any of the demands or requests from outsiders.

In other words, there are some things that you cannot give away because they are not really yours to give away. No good father or mother would ever consider "giving their daughter away" in marriage to a wicked person simply because he "asked." We are not robots who are bound to obey the evil whims of this present world. Rather, God gives us wisdom and discernment about such things. When we understand the "whole counsel of God," we realize that God is first and family is second. Paul stated that those men who are married "careth for the things that are of the world" and "how he may please his wife" (I Corinthians 7:32-33). It may seem "unspiritual" to concern ourselves with the things of this world -- but it is the command of God to take care of our families.

As a result, if a person asks for things that are meant to be used for the care of your family, I do NOT believe that you should give it. In addition, I think that you should use wisdom when you are asked for things that might enable a person into sin. I heard a story once about a man who was asked for money by a homeless man. Thinking that he was doing work for God, this man gave the homeless guy about ten dollars. The homeless guy immediately turned around and walked a few feet over to another person and purchased some sort of baggy filled with drugs. I'm not sure that the poor in the Scriptures were using their money for such deviant and sinful behavior. In fact, I think that Jesus set a pretty good example by feeding and clothing such individuals rather than giving them money.

More than anything, I would encourage you to pray before you give to those who ask (especially in regard to money). Yes, if you have the means to give (and it will not hurt your ability to provide for the needs of your family), it is good to give. I pray that you (and all of us) would have the discernment and wisdom on how to handle such things.

I heard this quote once:

"Fill the tank of your car with love, but always allow Wisdom to be in the drivers seat."

Allow the Holy Spirit to move you...if a need is put upon you're heart, then the Lord will give you what is needed to met that need.

Learn to say 'No'; it will be of more use to you than to be able to read Latin.
- Charles H. Spurgeon

Hey
Thanks for the replies. I was not so much speaking about money but more to do with my time. There have been times when I really struggle with saying no especially if the person asking for help or a favor is not saved. There is one person who is often asking for help(with their children, running errands, chores around the house) that is not saved, I have spent time sharing truth with them so I feel like I should never say no to them? I feel guilty if I do because I think does saying no reflect badly of a Christian?

I had never thought about my saying yes and doing all these things whenever they ask might be interfering in what God truly has for them...

Thanks again. One last question, how do you say no to someone if you feel the Lord leading you to? Especially if they are not a christian?

with love in Him
ebeth

One last question, how do you say no to someone if you feel the Lord leading you to? Especially if they are not a christian?

Just be honest and don't make any excuses for saying 'no'. You may look at them in the eye and say something like this, "I would love to but I can't". Smile when you say it...

This is for starters. Likely when you get right down to it, the Holy Spirit could lead you to saying else. But whatever you do, do not feel obligated to explain your reason for saying 'no' and do not lie about it!

Blessings,
ginnyrose

Thanks for the replies. I was not so much speaking about money but more to do with my time. There have been times when I really struggle with saying no especially if the person asking for help or a favor is not saved. There is one person who is often asking for help(with their children, running errands, chores around the house) that is not saved, I have spent time sharing truth with them so I feel like I should never say no to them? I feel guilty if I do because I think does saying no reflect badly of a Christian?

We are to redeem the time. This means that we need to guard it and not sell it too cheaply. There will always be "good" things that can eat up your time and prevent you from getting to the "God" things that you are supposed to be doing. I don't believe saying no reflects badly on a Christian. There are times you must.

This is for starters. Likely when you get right down to it, the Holy Spirit could lead you to saying else. But whatever you do, do not feel obligated to explain your reason for saying 'no' and do not lie about it!

This is a great statement about what it means to let your no be no.

When Jesus walked the earth, he was constantly being pulled on by men who wanted Him to do their will. However, Jesus only did what He saw His Father doing. He only did the will of the father.

It is a great revelation when we discover that only God can meet people's needs. Sometimes He may choose to use us, but the last thing that we want is for people to depend on us and not the Lord. We should love all men, but when men are depending on us to meet their needs, we should let them know that we are not their source of supply.

Mike

No - we are called to be servants not subservient.
I suffered years of abuse all my teenage life by a deacon in my family church.
As a result I had no confidence, no self esteem and felt I was always on the outside looking in on life.
I desperately wanted to be liked and appreciated.
Due to this fear of being disliked I would and could never say 'no' - no matter how much it put me out ot trouble it caused.
I was in such bondage as to what people thought of me and was the ultimate doormat of all doormats!

What started to strengthen me was in 1995 having to make a stand against strange manifestations and teachings that crept into a little church that my husband and I were on the ministry team of, and eventually due to extreme pressure had to leave.

My life was then filled with a sense of worth and being needed by being asked to work voluntarily at the local Police station.
I gained so much respect for my quality of work that in no time I was in charge of recruiting and training staff, training police, and had such responsibility and trust among all departments.
I would never turn a job down and nothing was too much trouble.
For five years I was promised a full time paid job - which I did eventually win. On going full time I had to cut my hours down - as i was doing too many! I also ended up with a new sarg who hated me and was determined to get rid of me.
I suffered him and his abuse for a year and he lost me my dream job, which he had told me on our first meeting that he would do!
I then found out that a WPC on my team had been undermining me, by coming to me with problems she was having with this sarg, but then repeating back to him my sympathies for her.

When this led to me losing my job, she then realised she would have to take on my work as well as her own and cried, begging me to continue working voluntarily again to help her out as she wouldn't cope without me.

This was too much for me, the police I worked with were devastated at losing me, but told me that if I continued my work there after all the bullying I had suffered, they would lose all respect for me - as I would be showing no respect for myself!!
This was a lightbulb moment, I never saw it that way before! We teach people how to treat us by what we allow!

You have no idea how liberating it was for me to talk to that WPC and say 'no way!'to her. When she started in tears I then told her that she had never supported me when I needed it and it was all her fault that I was leaving, so in no way would I help her now, she had to take the consequences of her actions.
It was such a release and so empowering for me, I'd done it, I'd stood up for myself and I've not looked back!

The following week the police area superintendent who is a Christian, called in and asked where I was, he was then asked by the Police I worked with 'do you seriously expect her to be here after the way she has been treated!'
He relied 'No, I would have been surprised if she was here
but I've been praying for her and was so concerned for her.

Now I've had strength from God to deal with Goliaths in my life - to right the wrongs and to stand up and be free of what people think of me if I say 'no'

Even taking part in these discussions and sharing my opinions with you all is a miracle in my life. I was once the quiet one who kept everything locked away inside - so afraid of people would think of me! but now people around me have grown closer to me and there is such respect for me, and now if I do say 'no' to anything, there's no problem.