marriage?

A friend of mine is getting married, her name is Sara. She has been courting this guy for a year now. They have never been alone together. All of their time together has been with others present because they wanted to make sure that there was not ever any chance for compromise(I think this was a good thing). When she told me she was getting married she said that her fiance is really wonderful guy and that she feels very blessed that they are both on the same page spiritually where marriage is concerned. She talked a lot of their friendship but she did not mention anything about being in love, which I kind of thought was odd. I asked her how he proposed and she said that they discussed the idea of marriage, prayed about it and both felt led that they are to marry. I was confused by that so I asked her again how he proposed and she said that he did not actually propose in a traditional way. She said they came to an agreement that getting married would be beneficial for the two of them and how they could best serve the Lord. So they are going to get married. I asked her if she was sure she really loved him enough to want to spend the rest of her life with him and she said that I did not understand their relationship. She said that they were not in love like the way the world likes to portray love. She said that she loves him but she is not romantically in love with him(nor him with her)She said they are very compatible and that they care for each other but they agreed that they would not allow themselves to get caught up in the worldly notions of love and marriage. She said they have prayed about this and feel strongly that they are making the right choice.

Any way she asked me to be a part of her wedding(a very simple ceremony coming up) and I told her that I would, but honestly I am having second thoughts. I mean from listening to her talk they are getting married for very practical reasons, but nothing else. I don't want to see my friend make a huge mistake, shouldn't she be "in love" with the guy she wants to marry and spend the rest of her life with?

Not sure what to do
ebeth

I think she gave you an honest answer. My opinion only, but if this is her and his first marriage, and they invited you to partake in that blessing... be a blessing.

What would you tell her if you pulled out? "I think that love should look like this, instead of that..." Do you truly know her heart? I by no means am saying not to voice your concerns for her well being to her directly, but if she is set on marrying him and vise versa, why would you want to talk her out of getting married?

I would highly suggest, for anyone thinking and praying about marriage, to get some marriage counciling from a solid Godly couple. A couple that have shown and lived over time, and not just in the church building, that their marriage is on solid ground and based around the Lord.

Blessings sister.

Genesis 2v24, 'Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.'

Let me say this, whether they love each other or not, is not your problem.

It's their's.

However, it says in Ephesians 5 for husbands to love their wives, and for the wife to respect her husband.

Most churches give little teaching on marriage and what is involved concerning the word of God.

Most Christians get their 'teachings' from the world and don't give two bits what the word of God says.

Sadly, in the future, they could end up getting divorced, and I think that is what is concerning you.

But, truly, the ball is in their court as to what they do.

God bless.

Ebeth,

Be in the wedding with them and for her! The Lord has allowed you the privilege of witnessing something different from up close and personal. The Lord might want you to learn something!

Let’s look at the history of people marrying without being in love, especially in the Lord... thousands of years of it worked through people's Godly obedience.

All of sudden , we get modernized and think we have to have romance and to "fall in love" to be happy and the divorce rate skyrockets for 1st timers, we won’t even go into 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th or 6th timers! But my point for even bringing this up is that some of these people didn’t want to burn they wanted to marry for that “romance and falling in love” and sadly, that [b]concept[/b] has wrecked more people’s hopes and emotions possibly anything.

Onward to positive things, the Lord told Derek Prince to marry both His wives. He barely knew one and was not even good friends with the other when the Lord told him to do this. He obeyed the Lord and they had to obey the Lord too. They had wonderful marriages! He definitely didn’t marry the world’s way! (I think he has a book about it)

I’m rooting for your friends!! And I hope you are too!

God bless you Ebeth!!

I would encourage you to be in the wedding as well.

With care in Christ...

Yesterday was our 35th wedding anniversary. I only believed I was in love with my husband when I married him. After 35 years, I KNOW what loving, and being loved is about.

I believe your friend and her future husband are on the Narrow Path and that their marriage will be blessed because they have their eye on Jesus.

We were backslidden when we married and I am constantly amazed and humbled at how thoroughly Jesus guided us then, even though we did not choose to follow Him as we should have.

Go and dance at her wedding, you will be glad you did.

white stone

Hi

Thanks for all the great responses. I really appreciate the honesty in them. Please don't think I am trying to push my view on to my friend of what marriage should be.(still trying to figure that one out myself)I just want to be sure that as her friend I am giving her prayer and support in what the Lord has for her. Marrying this guy for all I know may be exactly what is in the Lords heart but I don't think I would be much of a friend if I did not go and pray with her and talk with her about my concerns. She told me she would expect no less from me. So then I got a call from Sara this morning and we talked some more.(she could sense my concern for her when we spoke the last time) So she has asked me to come over so we can talk some more. She is a very honest person and knows that there are some of her friends and family that are concerned about her decision(specially because she did just turn twenty and marriage is a huge step) I told her I will be happy to come over and listen to what she has to share with me. I will say this Sara has always had the heart to walk in the Lords will and as someone said here I think I may just end up walking away from this whole thing having learned a great deal about love and marriage from my friend:)

Thank you again for sharing with me. Good things were posted here and I will be praying and considering them as I go to speak with Sara today.

love in Him
ebeth

This is such a foreign topic for me because I'm single...but I want what it says in Song Of Solomon. I don't think there's anything wrong with romance.

I see some couples, like Derek Prince, marry people God told him to marry (without the feelings at first) and then I see other couple who get the feelings right away, keep the momentum going, and everything works out.

It seems like God lets some people chose there spouse, meaning they just fall in love and then get married. Other times, it seems God has someone specific for them and it has nothing to deal with romance. I don't know.

The bible has both cases. What do you think?

i think that god brings two people together in different ways i have a question for you Santana.

Krispy,

It's kinda like a person I know who used to be a family and parenting counselor who at that time had never been married and did not have a child of her own. Makes no sense.

YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO...just kidding. I'm sure you were were expecting some kind of counter-attack or something.

This is a side note. Growing up catholic, I never understood how Priests gave marital/children counseling.

I will second Krispy's thoughts here. Love is an ACTION, a choice, not an emotion. "Anything you can fall into, you can fall out of."

I would say by what you initially described that they DO love each other, which is exactly why they have approached their relationship this way.

Dear Mr Krispy

You wrote:

If you yourself are not married I would recommend you go and listen to your friend and refrain from offering advice. You may actually find yourself advising them against the Lord.

I will not be offering my friend any advice(i find when people do that they usually are coming from self angle any way. I should add that I think advice and Godly council are two different things) I will pray with her, listen to her and ask her questions as the Lord puts them on my heart, I want the very best for her so I will listen.

Edit: I removed some of this post because I was concerned the way it was written it may have come across other then how I meant it to:) besides it wasn't really important to the conversation.

Thank you though for sharing your wisdom with me as an older brother in Christ. I do take your council to heart and would never do anything to hurt my friend or to persuade her against what she honestly feels the Lord leading her to do. I do want to go with an open heart and listen to her, I always want to be open to what the Lord has for me to learn and grow in. I have no delusions of thinking I have all the answers. I just want to support her as the Lord would have me to.

May I ask you a question, do you feel that romance or romantic love is an important part of a marriage? If so how or what does it look like in a christian marriage? Believe me when I ask I do not want to be one who looks to Hollywood for their understanding.

Thanks for spending some time today talking with me.

love in Him
ebeth

May I ask you a question, do you feel that romance or romantic love is an important part of a marriage?

Yes

If so how or what does it look like in a christian marriage?

It can look like many different things. Removing the ways of the world, I would say the following...

Sacrifice...honoring your spouse more then yourself...dieing to yourself...loving when the other does not love back...giving more then you receive...patience...forgiveness...being a Christ like example...lifting up instead of tearing down...picking up your cross daily, hourly, every minute...placing your needs and wants last...being kind and gentle...treating them better then yourself.

Sacrifice...honoring your spouse more then yourself...dieing to yourself...loving when the other does not love back...giving more then you receive...patience...forgiveness...being a Christ like example...lifting up instead of tearing down...picking up your cross daily, hourly, every minute...placing your needs and wants last...being kind and gentle...treating them better then yourself.

That doesn't sound romantic at all. Sounds more like death. =)

I've heard about this "concept" of love and marriage but so far I've never personally met a couple who decided to marry just because they felt like God led them ... speaking for a woman I honestly have to say that it would be almost impossible for me to marry someone without some kind of "romantical" emotion involved. Living together, working for the Lord together, that would be all fine but the idea of being intimate without love - rather awkward... Maybe it's easier for men?!
Now I'm really curious about Derek Prince marriages. Is there maybe a sermon or can you read something about it online (or just in the books??)?

This is one honey of a thread! :-)

I love Krispy's take on this issue....

My husband was not given to romance much either before we married but he is NOW! We have been married for over 42 years and I love it! My hubby is so sweet! He is so romantic! (He did give me a sweet card yesterday and some roses!) You see, males are not always given to this mindset - they have to be taught by their wives and then you have to be willing to respond accordingly.

Yes, the idea comes from God, I just know it does - read Song of Solomon. But in order for it to blossom to its fullest potential it requires commitment, love for God (so you have a source to feed yours)and a selfless mindset - one that works to please the other.

I suggest you listen to Ravi Zacharias' sermon "I Take Thee, Rebecca". This deals with the issue of romance before marriage. (You may have to go to www.rzim.org to find this sermon.)

Blessings,
ginnyrose