Spitfire,i hear what you're saying, and i feel your pain ... i've been there, unable to forgive myself even after Christ had forgiven me in my running to Him for salvation ...i think you summed it up best when you said;Quote;"I'm sweating and groaning to go through some kind of narrow, constricted opening in the spirit. It's not happening very fast. I feel like a baby stuck in the birth canal".Spitfire that's exactly what you're suppose to be doing ... Scripture says that the whole creation did the same thing until Christ, the hope of glory, came on the scene ...Rom. 8:[22] For we know that the whole creation groaneth and travaileth in pain together until now.[23] And not only they, but ourselves also, which have the firstfruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting for the adoption, to wit, the redemption of our body.[24] For we are saved by hope: but hope that is seen is not hope: for what a man seeth, why doth he yet hope for?[25] But if we hope for that we see not, then do we with patience wait for it.Your believing on Christ for your salvation canceled out the above initial groaning, but not the groanings that come with getting your spiritual sea legs, to walk the true Christian walk ... There are some saints who seem to get it right off, then there are those of us where it takes some time ... But as i said before, if you keep meditating on your own infirmaties, and not the love of God/Christ/Holy Ghost for you, your not birthing thru is not God's fault, but your own, because you're the one that's holding onto the canal walls, and all that is is resistance to the love of Christ, via the Holy Ghost, whosw attempting to free you ... That is why the scripture further states ...[26] Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.[27] And he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God.Spitfire you, others, and myself can't do a thing for you in the breech birth position that you're in now ... Only that great spiritual obstetrician the Holy Ghos t can ... i hear your pain, and i can tell you more importantly the Holy Spirit does too ... Cry out to Him about your condition, and ask Him to make intercession for you, and He will, unto that great High Priest in heaven named Jesus Christ, who knows exactly what you're going thru Heb 4:[14] Seeing then that we have a great high priest, that is passed into the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our profession.[15] For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.[16] Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.Then the scripture goes on ...[28] And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.[29] For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren.[30] Moreover whom he did predestinate, them he also called: and whom he called, them he also justified: and whom he justified, them he also glorified.This hurtful birth process toward your fine upstanding Christian walk may seem like your dying in the process, but take it from someone whose been thru what you're going thru, you're actually in a process towards life ... All things, even what seems bad, will eventually work out to the good, but we do have something to do with that process and it's this ... How much will we resist the Spirit's aid toward our eventual birth in this particular instance, for i sure hope you realize that as long as we're walking on this low plain there will always be another birthing to success that the Holy Ghost will be taking us thru ... All i'm saying is that the anestesia in the process, is meditating on the love of Christ, by returning His love ... The scripture continues ...[31] What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?Now how the Holy Spirit got me out of self condemnation to the point of spiritual growth stagnation was thru a Baptist preacher who made me understand that i, especially i, don't have the power to be against myself, when God is for me ... Who do we think we are to continue to condemn ourselves, when God has forgiven us in initial salvation, and made a way of provision for us to forgiveness when we mess up in our christian walk ...1John.1[8] If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.[9] If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.[10] If we say that we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.Even after salvation we will sin in some degree, we'll not be sinless, although we should sin less ... What makes a saint of God sin less? ... Meditating on the love of God toward us, will make us return that love to Him by the offering up of our bodies/lives as a living sacrifice to Him ... And the scripture continues to sum up why ...[32] He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?[33] Who shall lay any thing to the charge of God's elect? It is God that justifieth.[34] Who is he that condemneth? It is Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen again, who is even at the right hand of God, who also maketh intercession for us.[35] Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?[36] As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.[37] Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.[38] For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,[39] Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.Who can seperate us from the love of God ... Nothing, and nobody, including, and especially yourself ...It took me some time to get to this, but with the aid of the Holy Ghost, and the prayers of others, eventually the anestesia of God's love relaxed me enough to let go of the side of that old birth canal i was so comfortable, but so uncomfortable in, and allowed me to be born into a sin less walk with God ...It may take you some time also Spitfire, and i'm praying for you, and i know the Holy Ghost will do the rest ... i look forward to your future testimony in this regard on this forum ... God bless, and amen.