There's a couple of things that I sensed were missing in your post. One was a vibrant body life; a living church that you fit into. We must have some sense in life, that THIS is where the Lord has me. Every true Christian that ever was young, and desired to please the Lord has struggled as you are. "What do you want, Lord? What should I do?"
The other is the Peace that passes understanding. We may fight; we may struggle, but Peace is something that should not vary or waver, and is the Strong witness that God is with us.
There is also such a thing as Divine discontentment or Divine failure. God can drive us into the wilderness in order to create barrenness to create trust. This is always intensely personal, and it must be so. It is a good thing to be submitted to your parents, but there must come a day when you are nudged out of the nest, to learn to fly on your own.
As far as America goes, it is still your country, and as a citizen, your right to enjoy the benefits of it. Taking Pell grants, or the like, is something that American students do. I would wager that most here have; I did; but I do not see that as the real issue.
You have heard the expression "Finding Yourself".
Matthew 13:18-21
18. "Hear then the parable of the sower!"
19."When anyone hears the word of the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what has been sown in his heart. This is the one on whom seed was sown beside the road.
20"The one on whom seed was sown on the rocky places, this is the man who hears the word and immediately receives it with joy;
21yet he has no firm root in himself, but is only temporary, and when affliction or persecution arises because of the word, immediately he falls away.
It is important to find that root in you that is your true spiritual identity. Otherwise, your faith may be built on a system, or a man, or an idea, and be found to be fictitious.I sadly, have seen many fall away, who began so zealous. Now, they deny Jesus.
Spare no cost on this quest, and when you find God, you will find yourself, and things will become more clear. I would advise you not to make maxims, like, "never any children", or lifetime constraints on yourself. The Lord is bigger than that. He says "Swear not!", so we don't come under condemnation when we end up being led where we swore we wouldn't go.
This may [probably] will involve taking big risks. Do it; take the risks you are led to by faith. It is here that God is proven.
Nehemiah 9:7-8
7 “You are the LORD God,
Who chose Abram,
And brought him out of Ur of the Chaldeans,
And gave him the name Abraham;
8 You found his heart faithful before You,
And made a covenant with him
To give the land of the Canaanites,
The Hittites, the Amorites,
The Perizzites, the Jebusites,
And the Girgashites—
To give it to his descendants.
You have performed Your words,
For You are righteous.
Abraham took a great risk to leave everything familiar to him, but it is written that "he believed God." All of us are the same in varying ways.
