Is it really possible for a marriage to be reconciled after one of the spouses has committed adultery? Isn't adultery usually the end of a marriage?
How does a spouse let go of this kind of betrayal? I know that we are called to forgive but its such a personal rejection and betrayal in a marriage...
in Him
ellie
I read a story about a woman who's husband had committed adultery, and she was deeply broken and hurt.
And every day she would look at her husband and be reminded of what he had done, and the pain was very great, but she prayed and asked God how can she keep the marriage together and how to overcome her pain.
And the Lord reminded her of what He did for her on the cross and how even though she fails Him "her savior" he forgives her and loves her.
Her husband was repentant and sorrowfull, and wanted to be forgiven and at counceling one day she looked at her husband and said,
What you did to me hurt very deeply, and I will always have the scars of what you have done.
But for the rest of my life I choose to embrace what you have done to me and forgive you, I choose to not run away from the pain but accept the pain as Jesus willingly accepted His cross. I will do this because I love you and I love the Lord. I do this to save our marriage.
This is a true story, and with God all things are possible.
We as humanbeings are always hurt and dammaged by other human beings, some times by accident or on purpose, but as we grow in the Lord we realize we must embrace a cross that will always say I forgive you, and will pray for those who afflict us. So God will be able to bring fruit from ANY situation that God has allowed to come into our lives.
Hi wind_blows...
Remember, the Lord is "married" to the backslider.
I sometimes think about how certain believers sometimes stumble and fall. Each believer can and does sin (if they say otherwise, they are lying). However, each time we return to the Lord, He accepts us with open arms. After all, a righteous man might fall seven times...but still get back up again.
Now, I don't know what I would do if my wife were to do such a thing. It would hurt...and hurt deeply. However, I know that I love my wife. I suppose that the important thing is to see if such a person has truly repented of what that person did. Otherwise, the pain of being with them might actually outweigh the pain of being apart. If my wife had fallen into adultery and couldn't overcome it (or experience great sorrow and repent of her actions), I don't know that I could handle being with her.
by wind_blows
Is it really possible for a marriage to be reconciled after one of the spouses has committed adultery?
Isn't adultery usually the end of a marriage?
How does a spouse let go of this kind of betrayal?
So adultery doesn't have to be the end. Usually, adultery isn't about the spouse anyway (if that makes sense), it's about the betrayer and THEIR selfish desires. THEN the other selfish part is they "feel" they have to share with the unknowing spouse what they did and bring their world crumbling down around them and their life.
I do not advocate telling the unknowing spouse if they don't know. I do advocate true repentance and telling another brother (or sister) and determining with them and/or the pastor NEVER to put themselves in that position again.
All things are possible with Jesus Christ and Him alone!! He is our only hope! (removed last paragraph)
God bless you,
By walking with God, it is greatly possible to survive adultery.
When my wife left me for the other man, I was hurt, but God instantly lead me through the O.T., showing how indeed Israel is currently a wife living in adultery to Him, and yet He longs, I repeat, LONGS, for the restoration of His bride to Himself. Then in the N.T. He showed me how the Church is also an estranged bride, and how the work of Christ was the reconciling of an odious and adulterous woman woman to Christ.
Then He showed me how no adulterer or adulteress will enter into His kingdom when He is come. That the only hope my wife would ever have of eternal life with Christ was through repentance, and how there must be men and women willing to labor to stand in the gap, and repair the breeches in the walls, obeying His command to pray for those who despite-fully use us.
I could not see how I could hate the woman I married so much as to willingly let my hurt and pride stand in the way of praying for her salvation. Seeing how God longs to be reconciled to His people, only showed me more how much I wanted to be reconciled to my wife.
I made vows to God in front of men the day Jess and I wed. One of those was for better or worse. I tell you, divorce is the worst I never imagined. But I tell you, when God asked me if I was going to break my vows to her and to Him, or if I was going to trust Him for a miracle and the resurrection of that dead marriage, remembering what Christ payed for my soul, I had nought but to respond "If it takes till the day I die Lord, I will wait for you to work life into this marriage."
And God has drawn me into a closer relationship to Him than I ever had in my previous 30 years of life. With all my being, I have fully forgiven my wife, for any considered crime against me is less than my least offense against God. With all my soul, I long for the day that He shall complete in this land of the living, His promise to me. 3 years thus far.
With man, it is indeed impossible. But with God, nothing is impossible. His arm is not shortened that He can not save.
For those who will, please pray for the salvation of my wife Jessica, and the restoration of our marriage for the glory of God and Jesus.
Jason Smith
Jason, I really admire your obedience. Most folks would justify their disobedience because of being victimized by anothers' rebellion.
May God richly bless you and keep you and make his face to shine upon you and give you peace!
Ellie, in answer to your original question: the answer is "NO!" Many times the 'innocent party' will use anothers' infidelity to end a marriage - lending credibility that he/she was in some way a serious contributor to this marriage's failure. There is no limit to what a person can forgive - with God's help, only - if you are walking close to the LORD from whom all forgives flows, enabling you to do so. If you find it hard, you just better talk to HIM about it and tell Him you need a generous infusion of it because your supply has been exhausted.
Blessings,
ginnyrose
Hello
I was so humbled by everyone replies. every marriage I have ever seen that has been struck by this sin, it has always been a fatal blow. Not one of the couples that I know has ever been able to over come the hurt and the pain of betrayal in order to have the marriage healed and restored. I watched my dad just rip my moms heart out when he left her then took up with a younger woman. I watched how it just destroyed a part of her and I remember thinking later that is why God speaks so strongly against adultery because this sin has the power to so utter destroy and cause death that those affected are left struggling for such a long time even after the dust has settled. I have been challenged recently in my own life and heart on this matter. First in my relationship with my dad, there is a part of my mothers bitterness that I believe has infected me as well. I will admit that I struggle with forgiveness of the betrayal and the hurt he caused her. I think the wounds left on me from his actions are ones of fear, and doubt toward my own husband. When Jase and I first seperated, just a couple of weeks after actually he went to a party. He had met up with an old friend and because of our situation found himself having a few beers(he never drinks) so it hit him rather fast. His friend persuaded him to go to a fourth of July party. He gave in to the pressure of his friends and went along. At this party he was offered a few more beers but said that he refused because his head was beginning to feel fuzzy. He said there was a blond girl at this party her name was Tina and she has always had a thing for Jase. The two of them began dancing and she began flirting with him. He said at one point she kissed him, and he did not pull away from her. He said after the first kiss she offered to go into one of the bedrooms with him so they could "be alone together." Jase said he just stood there and didn't say or do anything. Finally Tina tried to persuade him some more to come with her but he told her no and he left the party(had his brother come and pick him up) He said that he could have gone in and been with her, she was all over him, but he knew if he had that we would be over forever. He said he knew in that moment even though he had kissed her that if anything more happened he would have ended our marriage and there would be no chance for us so he left.
Jase told me everything, he said he repented of ever taking that first drink of beer and going to the party.He said that he was so glad the Lord was there with him though because he knows the Lord is the one who helped him leave that night, there was such strong conviction that if he slept with Tina his whole life would be destroyed that he just got out of there as fast as he could. I know nothing else happened that night, I know my husband well enough to know when he lies to me and he wasn't...but there have been fears and doubts that the enemy has been firing off at me. Its so hard at times to think about my dad and not allow self to see him in Jase, but I know that my husband is so different then my dad ever was. The enemy does like to attack us though.
in Him
ellie
Wind_blows writes.........
"Is it really possible for a marriage to be reconciled after one of the spouses has committed adultery? Isn't adultery usually the end of a marriage?
How does a spouse let go of this kind of betrayal? I know that we are called to forgive but its such a personal rejection and betrayal in a marriage...
The answer is yes, yes it is possible. Before I came to Christ at the age of 26, I had already been married for nine years. And in those nine years I was a horrible human being. I was an angry bitter man, a drunk, constantly stoned, but worse of all, I was an adulterer. Two years after meeting Jesus and Him radically trasforming my life, my son was born, he had Downs Syndrome, he was also very sick. Six weeks after that I was diagnosed with stage four pulmanory fibrosis. My poor wife was at her wits end. As we lay in bed that night, right out of the blue she asked me if I had ever been unfaithful to her. I told her the truth. It seemed like the enemy had come to wipe out our marriage. There was a whole night of tears from both of us. As the dawn broke, we lay in each others arms. Now that was 17 years ago, and the most remarkable thing of all is that my wife is not a Christian. Total forgiveness by the grace of God. I often think how much more faith she has than some believers I know. The reason? Well she knew that this Frank was a totaly different man than the old Frank. She knew that Jesus in me had changed me and it was because of this reason that she could trust me and forgive me. Trust is the bedrock, the foundation of any relationship, it starts there, including our relationship with the Lord, no trust, no relationship. That is why so many couples cannot overcome this situation.
When I was eleven I found out that my dad had been cheating on my mum. It felt like my own heart was ripped out. He actually told my mom in order to hurt and destroy her faith, as she was a Christian and he was not and he hated Christianity. Many years after that my father was saved, at the age of 49. He is now 70. God can do above and beyond what we think is possible. If he has some children that are willing to lay their hearts before the alter, He can restore what could never be restored humanly...............Frank
Thank you Frank for sharing. I am praying and asking the Lord to help me forgive my dad. I have not really spent any time with him in many years and I barely speak to him. He just got remarried not to long ago. He keeps in touch with my sister and brothers. I know that I have been forgiven much and so because I love the Lord I must forgive to.
I and Jase talked things out for a long time and while it does really bother me that he kissed that other girl I know I can not allow self or the enemy to make more of it. I know the enemy only wants to damage my marriage.
in Him
ellie
I will have to say a HUGE YES! In fact I have no doubt that God can restore a family from even the seemingly depths of Hell, how do I know this? My family was one that went through this but on a much deeper level than I would think most. When I was in the 1st grade my dad sexually molested my older sister, my dad was a Pharisee and deeply religious man that ocassionally did drugs (notice I didn't say God fearing Man). From this He turned himself in and went to prison for 2 and a half years, while in prison my mother had an affair and my family was at the brink of destruction. Through the Grace of God He has restored my family and though still healing the wounds is indeed healing the wounds my dad caused.
To you question How you can forgive your dad? For my situation I have a very deep respect for my father even after what He did and I believe it was because as child no one ever really told me what had happened and so I didn't ever really lose that respect, my brother is in a radical state of rebellion and unforgiveness, and my little sister was the same as me except I think deals with forgiveness. As for my older sister I believe the thoughts still hurt but she has forgiven my father and their relationship is pretty well restored. My mother and father as still happily married for 25 years now.
There is hope Sister Ellie keep the faith and let the forgiveness of Christ penetrate your heart as He has mine for my father.
God Bless,
Matthew
To you question How you can forgive your dad? For my situation I have a very deep respect for my father even after what He did and I believe it was because as child no one ever really told me what had happened and so I didn't ever really lose that respect, my brother is in a radical state of rebellion and unforgiveness, and my little sister was the same as me except I think deals with forgiveness. As for my older sister I believe the thoughts still hurt but she has forgiven my father and their relationship is pretty well restored. My mother and father as still happily married for 25 years now.
Hi matthew
That is a praise about your family and I know all things are possible through Christ Jesus.
In my case though, my dad made it very clear to me and my mother that he was leaving her because she did not do what he wanted in getting rid of me. My dad can be a very cruel person, I have seen him take a strange pleasure in knowing that he is hurting my mom. I don't understand it, just how he is.
I am not sure how I would even approach him...
in Him
ellie
"I am not sure how I would even approach him..."
Hi Ellie, I understand what it means to be hated by your father. As a child I was drawn to the things of God because of my mother, which drew the wrath of my father. I never heard him call me Frank, only idiot or stupid. I longed to hear my name on his lips. Often times when he was drunk he would put a knife in my hand and try and get me to stab him. When I would not, in tears, he would accuse me of being a homosexual although he would not use that word. This is a man who ripped my heart out. I say all of that only because I want to testify that God can heal the hardest of hearts. Please read this story if you get the time. Its entitled "A root of Bitterness ( A Spiritual root canal) There is healing in the Lord and it is to His glory.............Frank
http://scottishwarriors.wordpress.com/2008/10/01/a-root-of-bitterness-a-spiritual-root-canal/
Ellie, as I read this post about your dad hating you and your mom, an idea came to me.
What would happen if you and Jase would take your dad out for dinner, do it several times with the idea that eventually you will ask him why he hates you all so bad? In the meantime, you will have to fortify your mind and spirit with the LOVE of Jesus in order to be able to handle whatever you may hear.
If your dad would tell you, be prepared - it just may be he is not your biological father...things like this happen all the time. And be willing to share the gospel if the opportunity arises.
Just a thought, not a pleasant one but it may mark the beginning of some semblance of reconciliation....
ginnyrose
Oh boy! :-)
Sometimes I think there are answers that we just don't ever get in this life. I regret so much the pain and hurtful memories I have stirred up.(in my own family and here as well) I ask for forgiveness...Thank you to those who posted and were trying to be encouraging and helpful. I did talk with my mom and found out that the truth is my dad just did not want me.(long story) He did not want any children really but when I came along it was just all to much. He was jealous for my mothers time and attention even of his own children and when she chose to have me he hated her for it and me to I imagine.
in Him
Ellie
Edited after some time of prayer
Ellie,
One of the main purposes to talk with your dad is to work towards a reconciliation. I know what your mom said, but you need to hear from your dad personally. Let him speak for himself. What your mom says may be different, but even if it isn't, it would be good to work at a reconciliation with him.
I am not saying this will be easy. Some folks just do not want to be reconciled. If this is the case there usually is some other hidden component at work interfering.
Another thing, do not attempt it alone - make sure Jase is along. Another person's presense will help stem the anger of the other person.
Does this post make sense?
ginnyrose
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