About trying to "wrap my head around" some concepts... are those Bible concepts, or are they those of men?
Some ideas of man, in general, may be so difficult to understand. I heard one theologian say God himself couldn't understand some theories - because they aren't true! (Like, can you understand why 2 + 2 is 498 ? No one can; it isn't true!)
About the idea of God predetermining everything: When Israel said God was taking them into the desert to kill them, God didn't like it. This is mentioned in Hebrews and also Numbers. Without re-quoting all the scriptures, to sum it up, God wanted Israel to believe in His goodness because of all they had seen (deliverance from Egypt, etc.). God REALLY didn't like it that they said God was going to kill them.
That is the problem with the idea that God kills people, innocent people, destroys His children, etc.
One thing Piper mentioned was in Proverbs 16 - verse 33. He referred to it as the most random thing possible. But it was a specific thing - like rolling dice. One elucidation of this verse is that it refers to the Urim and Thummin, which God is supposed to control. This does not imply it refers to ALL dice throws, etc.
We can have that God DOES cause SOME things to happen (like the result of consulting the Urim and Thummin), but not necessarily all.
What about Job? The Lord giveth, said Job, and the Lord taketh away. However, we ought to note that Job also - later - said that he didn't know what he was talking about! And, in Job, God said something about "words without knowledge". Also, it is clear in Job that God did NOT do those things to Job - the devil did. God merely allowed them.
The main thing I see is that, based on Numbers 14-15 and Hebrews, the thing to avoid is accusing God of trying to do bad things.
Jesus taught that God is good. He even said he, Jesus, was not good, but only the Father. Jesus also said the devil came to kill, steal and destroy, but that Jesus came to give life. It is important to note that Jesus made a distinct contrast.
So, I would be encouraged, and not believe that God is going to cause bad things. I really don't think the Bible teaches that, at all... regardless of the opinions of man. Jesus warned of taking the statements (traditions) of religious leaders over the word of god.
I have heard that allowing man any choice about anything, equated to God not absolutely determining everything, makes man more powerful than God. We aren't of this mind, however, when good people refrain from committing sins they are tempted to commit. This argument for God's predetermination of all things, is to my mind, rather ethnocentric - assuming that God, like us, has to PROVE his power or else He doesn't have it. It applies the values of fallen man to a Holy God.
How often do people not do things, even though they could? This is not weakness, at least in men, but quite often wisdom! Quite often, in fact, it is goodness - when a person COULD commit a crime to hurt another, and chooses to not do that thing.
First, let me reiterate - we are NOT mere pawns. In an earlier post I read that IF we are God's pawns, then life seems a cruel game. How true! (true IF we are but pawns... but we are not).
Study Numbers 14 and related chapters, like the book of Hebrews, and see that when God said "How long will it be until they believe in me?" that He was asking how long until they quit blaming me for all the bad things.
That is what they did - and you know, I felt sorry for them reading about it.
They wept, Numbers tells us.
But, if we are supposed to stomach the cruelty (which is not true) of God, then this might be much easier to stomach - that God was angry because they thought He would kill them! They said that God had the nature / inclination / desire / predetermination / choice / whatever - to KILL them. But God said, "They have not known My ways."
Is God angry with Christians today, who say the same things about him? Israel had a negative expectation about God (a belief that God was cruel), and THAT made God angry.
This ought to tell us something - that when we today say God destroys his people, then possibly we, like Israel of old, don't know His ways.
I am not trying to criticize any theologian, but to get across a positive point - that God is good! We are commanded to have faith by Jesus. How can we expect anything good from God, when we believe God is the source of all our problems?