Lost my way

I wanted to post, MJ, [obviously not from the mother/sister side..], but from a believer that has struggled with awful depression; despair. It is possible that you are but focusing your depression inward, and grasping at the familiar melancholy of life...."It's about over, not much is left, and generally I'm a failure."

I'm kind of a professional at this![ I'm laughing.] Let me present some other possibilities; possibilities that may bring to you what the Lord has brought to me, in measure.[ Though I don't see myself as "out of the woods, at all..]

2Corinthians 1 (King James Version)

2 Corinthians 1:1-10
1. Paul, an apostle of Jesus Christ by the will of God, and Timothy our brother, unto the church of God which is at Corinth, with all the saints which are in all Achaia:

2. Grace be to you and peace from God our Father, and from the Lord Jesus Christ.

3. Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort;

4. Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.

5. For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also aboundeth by Christ.

6. And whether we be afflicted, it is for your consolation and salvation, which is effectual in the enduring of the same sufferings which we also suffer: or whether we be comforted, it is for your consolation and salvation.

7. And our hope of you is stedfast, knowing, that as ye are partakers of the sufferings, so shall ye be also of the consolation.

8. For we would not, brethren, have you ignorant of our trouble which came to us in Asia, that we were pressed out of measure, above strength, insomuch that we despaired even of life:

9. But we had the sentence of death in ourselves, that we should not trust in ourselves, but in God which raiseth the dead:

10. Who delivered us from so great a death, and doth deliver: in whom we trust that he will yet deliver us;

Especially verses 4 and 5; suffering to experience comfort from God's hand, and experiencing Jesus's suffering to partake of His true spiritual ministry. love and comfort...
Isaiah 61:1-3

1. “The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon Me,
Because the LORD has anointed Me
To preach good tidings to the poor;
He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to the captives,
And the opening of the prison to those who are bound;
2. To proclaim the acceptable year of the LORD,
And the day of vengeance of our God;
To comfort all who mourn,
3. To console those who mourn in Zion,
To give them beauty for ashes,
The oil of joy for mourning,
The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;
That they may be called trees of righteousness,
The planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified.”

And....so that we might not trust in ourselves, but in God who raises the dead.....2Corinthians1:9

It seems tough for now, but hang on and worship Him in the midst. These are just the Holy Spirit's dealings to slay you, in order to acquire your full dependence and devotion; as I see it. I would not say this if I did not taste of your obvious maturity in Christ.

I think He has found your way. God told Abraham;" Take Isaac up and offer him to me.!" It's hard.

"Even though He slay me; YET WILL I WORSHIP HIM!"

I am probably the last person you'd want to see in this thread, but I have had those times myself. I would think about how time has flown and how that I am getting older and within just a few short years I'll be such and such and age. I always have looked forward to getting older because that meant I would get as far away from my checkered past as possible. I think it has a lot to do with performance.

We look at our track record and we seem to have done nothing in the ways of the kingdom and there is a sense of loss, in a way we are bereaving our spiritual virginity.

Genesis 30:1 And when Rachel saw that she bare Jacob no children, Rachel envied her sister; and said unto Jacob, Give me children, or else I die.

There is in this verse a cry within every believer at some point in our walk that we cry to God, give me souls else I'll die.

We are looking too much at ourselves instead of the goal. We really have lost sight of it. My Mother has a remarkable faith. She knows she is getting older but she seems to be very content and hopes to die before any of her children. She looks great and I never hear her complain about getting older, in fact the other day she said that she is more happier today than all the years before.

One of things she mentioned to me was trusting the Lord. She said some years ago that she came to a place in her walk that she had to completely trust the Lord for everything. She gave it a few days to think about this venture, and finally reached her decision to completely put her trust in Him. She had been saved for many years and would bring the harder things of life to Him when things got difficult, but this time, it was everything regardless if it was big or small, because she realized that even the most mi-nute things, God is most interested in wanting to show Himself strong on our weak behalf.

There is a feeling of despair. What has my life amounted too?

So for us both:

Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

I think we need to empty ourselves to the Lord and just let Him know all about it.

I'm kind of a professional at this![ I'm laughing.] Let me present some other possibilities; possibilities that may bring to you what the Lord has brought to me, in measure.[ Though I don't see myself as "out of the woods, at all..]

Thank you brother Tom for this.

I knew there were others going through this but it's difficult to fan through the posts to know if anyone else is going through it here as well.

I've been going through this for many years now and just as I feel like it's over, I am pulled right back into the vortex. But in that fire Jesus is there.

And you are right, the object of this game is to bring us to a place of death. And believe me, I have no idea how to die. The instruction manual is rather vague.

Here is a song that I like very much:

LET ME LOSE MYSELF AND FIND IT, LORD, IN THEE

Many years I longed for rest, perfect peace within my breast,

And I often sought the Lord alone in tears.

But I would not pay the price, would not make the sacrifice;

So I wandered on and on for many years.

Chorus: Let me lose myself and find it, Lord, in Thee.

May all self be slain, my friends see only Thee.

Though it costs me grief and pain, I will find my life again.

If I lose my self I’ll find it, Lord, in Thee. (end chorus)

Then one day I bowed in prayer, Jesus whispered to me there,

“Take the Cross and follow Me to Calvary.”

Oh, how hard it was to die, and all self to crucify,

Just to lose myself and find it, Lord, in Thee.

Chorus

Very beautiful snuf....

"But I would not pay the price, would not make the sacrifice;"

"So I wandered on and on for many years."

Then one day I bowed in prayer, Jesus whispered to me there,

“Take the Cross and follow Me to Calvary.”

I get up, and I go on. I have my moments, but generally I have learned that:

Ecclesiastes 7:3-4

3. "Sorrow is better than laughter: for by the sadness of the countenance the heart is made better.

4. The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning; but the heart of fools is in the house of mirth."...and;

Genesis 47:9
So Jacob said to Pharaoh, "The years of my sojourning are one hundred and thirty; few and unpleasant have been the years of my life, nor have they attained the years that my fathers lived during the days of their sojourning."

"Few and sorrowful; few and filled with suffering."

Psalm 126:6
"He who goes to and fro weeping, carrying his bag of seed,"

"Shall indeed come again with a shout of joy, bringing his sheaves with him."

We live for heaven; in the heavenly places; but the world is filled with sorrow.

Hebrews 12:2
"Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith;

who for the joy that was set before him,

endured the cross, despising the shame,

and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God."
........................................................

In a measure; so must we. Bless you my dear sister, MaryJane; and I believe that grace will come.