MOM IS DYING: SIBLING RIVALRY RAGE AND WOUNDS- HELP!

A

Aria Jun 28, 2010

Hello all. I am grateful to be here. I've edited three times trying to not have a long thread. Thank you to all who will pray.

Mom-n-law, 82, has aggressive cancer and few weeks left.
Two sisters have been rivals since childhood.

I'll call them 'Steady sis' and 'Busy sis'.

Steady Sis is primary caregiver and perfect for the job. She is super-organized, gentle, responsible, not emotional, and kid is out in college.
Busy sis: born facilitator... in high gear.
We found out that Busy sis was placed on Xanax several weeks or longer. She probably needs something. Not our call. She's uptight. Mom went to hosp. for 3 dys. for infect., and on Busy Sis' night to stay with her,she told the doctor that Steady Sis 'might'be"mishandling mom's money, exaggerating mom's symptoms in order to drug her, and that mom 'might not' be safe." (these are text-book accusations of Alzheimer's/ hospice elders toward caregiver.)

Steady Sis'Power of Attorney is all that saved Mom from being placed in a home. Doc was writing the orders.

Busy sis called bro. and screamed in a rage at him for an hour, with foul language and irrational accusations of plots and leaving her out. (never happened before) My husband is tried a gentle answer.. logic, validation. She couldn't even hear him. She is, and we all are Christians.

We fear she may be in trouble with the Xanax, and we have so much to deal with already.

One final note:
Their younger brother committed suicide 2 years ago.
Four months ago, their half-brother took his own life.
and in that same week, mom was given her diagnosis of small cell carcinoma and advanced Alzheimer's and placed in in-home hospice.

Romans 8:28
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

Father, in the name of your Son, Jesus, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for sanctifying us; not by our works, but Your grace.
You say our job is: keep our minds and hearts on you; remain in you, never fear, trust in you, wear our armor, self-check, and then stand and watch the victory which is Yours and Yours alone.
Don't let mom suffer, unless it is for a perfect miracle and will make it worth it.If not, please let her go home soon enough, with dignity, without pain. Let my husband feel the warmth of your Spirit pouring in to his raw emotions. Soothe his heartache and give him courage. Touch Steady Sis and reward her for her discipline and diligence as she has been an example for us through each tragedy. Snatch busy sis from the snare she fell into. Get the enemy away from her, Lord. Send help! Fight for her, Father, as she cannot fight for herself.
In Jesus' name, I pray.

God bless anyone who took the time to read this.

sermonindex Jun 28, 2010

amen. May the God of hope, May Jesus comfort you in this time, in Jesus' Name i pray, amen.

H

HeartSong Jun 28, 2010

I am praying Aria.

sermonindex Jun 28, 2010

Dear Aria, may the Lord bless you with His presence during this time.

For anyone who has been around for a long time, especially in ministry, it is so sad to see the death or impending death of a loved one bring so many issues come to the surface. In Scotland, where I come from, funerals and weddings can be dangerous places because it brings together people who have avoided each other for long periods of time. Issues that have been suppresed over the years often come bubbling up to the surface. That is why it is critical for Christians to live an honest and free life where issues are faced head on and delt with, at least on the part of the one who seeks to deal with them for their own peace of mind.

I believe the reason why it is rarely done is because of the intensity and rawness of the issues. Each family has issues to one degree or another and the issues of sibling rivalry can be read as far back as in the book of Genesis.

Aria, there seems to be deep seated issues in your husbands family and the suicides are an absolute tragedy. What can be done? Well, as you have probably gathered and may have known, these issues are way too complicated for anyone and if we try and take them on we would literally drown. We have to stick steadfastly to Jesus and hold on to Him. We have to be Christlike in everything that we do and be as wise as serpants and harmless as doves. We have to do what we know to be right, regardless of the noise that comes our way and we must continue to walk in love. I believe that the enemy takes great advantage at this time and so we must be wise to his schemes. He, of course, cares nothing about your family, he only wants to rob , steal and destroy. Now what does he want to destroy? He cares nothing about people's lifes. He wants their peace, he wants there joy, he especially wants their witness. He wants to show the world that Christians are no different than the people of the world.

So sister, you and your husband stay close to the Lord. Do what is right in His sight. Return love for evil. Walk in His peace, trusting in Him, regardless of your circumstances. Pray for your sister -in-law and for the sister-in-law that seems to be so stable, that she remain strong in the Lord. I will be praying for your family and I pray that they will each, in their own way, seek Jesus in the midst of their storms. Pray together with your husband, Aria, against this storm and determine in your hearts not to be anxious, and let the world see a peace that surpasses all understanding, let them see that the Lord Jesus Himself guards your hearts and minds and that you have a sound mind.

I wrote this piece about a year and a half ago as I pondered my own families dysunction. It may be helpful to those who have extremly dysfunctional families.

http://scottishwarriors.wordpress.com/2009/02/10/the-cauldron-of-our-afflictions/