Over that last few days, because of some christian marriages that I have heard of breaking up, I have been very grieved.
What is happening. Have we forsaken covenant? Are the preachers afraid to speak out what the word really says about marriage? Has it all become just subjective?
We as the body of Christ are in trouble. We are just like the world, but worse because we know better.
While I don't espouse these people, Benny Hinn & Tod Bentley, it is just a mini picture of what is happening in the rest of the church. We have forsaken our covenant of "until death do us part". This is reflected in our relationship with God as well.
I am saying this for all the christians out there who allow separation and divorce to settle in your thoughts. God hates divorce. In fact Lord Himself says that adultery is the only thing, other than death, that releases you from that covenant.
Mat 5:31 ¶ It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement:
32 But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.
Unless our spouse has been unfaithful, and even then for hardness of hearts, we are in a covenant relationship and not free to divorce.
Mar 10:5 And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept.
It is possible to forgive even this sin by God's grace.
I am writing this because I have a huge burden for the state of christian marriages. I am grieved at what I see happening. The instance I heard of yesterday is that of a elder in the church and his wife splitting. I am sorrowful over this. Does it break your heart when you see this happening? Do you do everything in your power to stop it? God has used me to speak to these individual, write letters and intercede for them, and to date only one of these people repented and worked on restoring their marriage, but one is better than none. The others had made up their minds no matter what the word says.
I am coming to you as one who has weathered the storms. I have at times thought I can't take this anymore, and because this verse in Proverbs 31 means a lot to me, Pro 31:11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil, I will not go into personal detail. Just know that at times I have been pressed to the point of bursting, if not for God's grace. I have now been married for 39 years, and 34 of them as a believer. None of them has been easy.
Every time I have thought of calling it quits I hear God speak to my heart, I hate divorce, you have a covenant with Me (God). Your covenant with me does not allow you to leave your husband, there are no biblical grounds here.
When I have pondered why divorce is so rampant among believers I only come up with a few things, unforgiveness, self-centeredness, and rebellion.
Love keeps no record of wrongs, that is no record, just as the Lord keeps no records of our wrongs.
Hbr 8:12 For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more.
Mat 6:14 For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:
We are called to forgive our spouses in the same way. Why do we bring up the past? Why do we keep records of wrong? By God's grace we can be just a forgetfull as God is, and it will save or marriage.
Selfishness and self-centeredness are characteristic of the fall. But we are called out of that. Our lives are to be poured out for the sake of others. It isn't about me, but about Jesus and my fellow man, which includes my husband. I listened to Jane Hansen speak about how we as women want to be worshipped, and when we aren't we pout and give them the silent treatment, or withhold ourselves. This is not dying to self, but enthroning self. We demand our needs met, and if not we are going to dump the bum. This is not the heart of God. We have a covenant and it is binding. We have to walk in love, forgiveness and honor our husbands, even if they don't deserve it in our opinion. God's blessing will be upon this heart position.
How about if we spend our time trying to minister to our spouse rather than expecting them to minister to us. What if we do unto them what we would like them to do unto us. What would that do? Hmmmm. You might say what reward is there in that? God's reward. How long do I have to do that? Until He comes. What reward is there in that. If you are looking for your reward this side of glory, you will be hugely disappointed. If you look for your reward from the Giver of reward you will never be disappointed.
I am here to tell you from personal experience, that when you forget yourself and try to make the other happy, you will find peace and rest yourself. You wear yourself out trying make your spouse be what you think they should be, and it never works. All you do is drive a wedge in between you both. It is time to forget about you and focus on God and loving your spouse, the way you want to be loved.
Jhn 12:24 Verily, verily, I say unto you, Except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth alone: but if it die, it bringeth forth much fruit.
Mat 16:24 Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any [man] will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.
Mat 16:25 For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.
Today let us determine to lay our lives down for the sake of our spouse and the awesome God we serve. All the aggravation and frustration that we feel over our spouses actions and personalities are really easily forgiven if we remember how much we have been forgiven. If we remember, except for His mercy, we would be just as aggravating to God.
Now about rebellion. God's word says He hates divorce. It also says, other than for adultery, we have no right to separate and divorce. Let us not walk in rebellion to His word.
I have watched numerous folks split in my 34 years of being a believer, and very few were because of infidelity. Most were, as they call it, irreconilable differences. That is unforgiveness, for which God will not forgive us. Also I have seen that the ones that leave their spouse for this reason almost always backslide and forsake the Lord. I have heard them say that I am just divorcing, but will never marry again, thereby thinking they are OK with God, but unforgiveness is never OK with God. It is a heart issue. These people have never been the same in their walk God as they were before separating. When you break one covenant in rebellion if effects every area of your life.
Now having said that. I know there are folks out there who are the victims of this separation, and it was beyond your power to keep it from happening. First of all search your heart to see how much you added to the event and repent for being unkind or unloving. The person leaving doesn't excuse you for your actions. If possible be reconciled. Love covers a multitude of sins.
I wonder how many of members of the body of Christ would divorce if they knew that in doing so they are never to remarry, except for in the case of fornication, which I am not certain all would even OK it in that circumstance. This is not preached today, because there is such a vast majority of folks that are divorced for the wrong reasons. However if we are ever to get back on track with the word it is time we tow the line in this area. What does the word say? Then stand on it.
Unless the church stops looking like the world we will have no impact on it. We are no different than they are. We need to be.
Let's die to self today, take up our cross and follow Him. We are not of this world, and He is coming soon. What manner of people ought we to be? If you can only understand that this life is a vapor, and it is only a dressing room for eternity (Duncan Campbell thank you for that). It is not important what we have to endure for a little while. I am telling you when you concentrate on making the other person happy, you will forget yourself, and find peace. Will you still have times of sorrow and hurt? Yes. Go on and cast those in the sea of forgiveness, fall on God for His grace, which will be sufficient. Remember their sins no more. You will find peace for your soul, and please your Savior in the process.
I want to end with a bit of hope in this dying to self. After 34 years of refusing to quit, I am beginning to see glimmers of change in my husband. He now defends me to the uttermost if anyone says a word against me, you better watch out. He has started to ask me to pray about things. He tells me he loves me several times a day and likes to do little things for me. I don't require this or demand it. When we unconditionally love others and don't set a timeline, in due time we will reap. It may not be in this life, but it doesn't go unnoticed in heaven.
Peace and rest to you all.