Vainity of Vainities!

I am going through a strange time in my walk with the Lord, an odd season if you will and I just feel like I am missing something that everyone else seems to have. I look at my religious action and knowledge of the scriptures and my heart cries Vainity! I studied Ecclesiates and found that Solomon came to the same conclusion that I believe the Lord is leading me, All is Vainity if you don't have God. I bang my head against the wall in my walk it seems struggling with my Spirit man (whom seems badly beaten) and my fleshly man (who boastfully assumes his victory over me) yet my Spirit man grieved at his falling looks up victoriously and shouts Vainity to my conscious throwing me back into a worl wind of battle. My Spirit man seems stronger than the fleshly man assumes even though the fleshly man is nailed to the cross he spits and wails and cries and this does a number on my person and confidence.

My lack of reality is what worries me the most and that like Thomas I sheepishly need to stick my finger in the holes of Christ's hands. I want to know God more but this is most definitely a weary road, I am reading a Jonathan Edwards sermon that calls to the opposite of complency and my flesh is resisting all the way throwing thoughts and distractions (even Godly thoughts) away from this message. I feel I have a lack of concern for not only myself but for others and it bugs me that my Love for Christ isn't something I enjoy to speak to strangers about or even my unsaved loved ones or coworkers.

I don't know what all this is about but I feel like the Lord is bringing me to the end of myself and has a brighter future for me indeed if I would simply submit, after that the Reality of a Relationship with Him would come. Please pray for me that I do find this reality and win this battle of the flesh, to be filled with the Holy Spirit and the Love and Compassion of Christ Jesus.

God Bless,
Matthew

Matthew,

This may sound strange, but put to death both the “fleshly man” and the “Spirit man”, because the “Spirit man” is nothing but the “fleshly man” with a religious mask. Kill them both. Have no pity. The man must die, so that it is no longer he who lives, but Christ living in him (Galatians 2:20).

Praise God for His Holy Spirit’s conviction, which leads to life! It is the Holy Spirit’s role to convict the world of sin, righteousness, and judgment. And those whom the Lord receives as sons, He disciplines.

I know you have read these verses before, but they are about to take a new meaning in your life...

Ask the LORD to give you HIS
passion and HIS purpose!!

You know I have come to the conclusion much of our grief and lack of joy is because we are really not walking out the gospel in life. Jesus walked and touched everybody he came in contact with.

Recently I have been really touched by the joy and excitement about the things of God that this man, Francis Chan walks in:

http://francischan.org/

Be sure to watch Francis' messages and you will be encouraged. They are short but powerful.

And also, even though I am not totally in agreement with him in about some things, I see his heart and how walking through life in community with other believers makes life more worthwhile. That is Shane Claiborne:

http://www.thesimpleway.org/shane/

We read and study and pray and cry out to God but we don't live and love as Jesus did. That is why we feel empty much of the time. I feel these two men have found a big part of the answer, community and love. We have been called to impact the world around us, but we remain cloistered.

I will be lifting you up on prayer Matthew.

Keep reckoning yourself dead to sin, but alive unto God friend. Keep much in secret prayer, continually pouring out yourself, that God's fountain of Living Water may unceasing flow through you. May you bear much fruit for the glory of God Matthew while you stay humble & abased Matthew. For it is God who worketh in you. Praise His Holy Name; Oh the Love he hath for His children :-) Continue walking in the Light as He is in the Light, & as His Word is Light; may It dwell in you richly.

My favorite verse ( and I'm a reformed guy too !):

Jhn 14:21 Whoever has my commandments and keeps them, he it is who loves me. And he who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I will love him and manifest myself to him."

A fresh apprehension or experience of your Christ is what you sound like you need. Love Him and Obey Him and you will meet with Him.

I believe you are ALL RIGHT! I guess I am slowly putting pieces together, Service to God is definitely needed to experience any kind of reality of Him. It seems only in the times of great need and weakness God displays Himself to the believer. I work as a youth pastor but am getting frustrated at my lack of time I get to spend actually ministering to the youth.

I was reading the story of Jesus and the woman at the well and Jesus said He could give living water, God can give living water but if it doesn't flow through us and onto others then our water becomes stagnant and lifeless. I have many talents (not to boast) that the Lord has given to me one of which is music I use this on Sunday Mornings for worship but that is generally it. My wife and I are planning a trip to the local nursing home and doing some singing and piano playing for them and there is a great part of me that feels when I start this I will feel a bit more a live in Christ.

I also thought about starting up a Youtube Vlog type thing sharing the Gospel through videos. But whatever I decide to do I want Christ Glorified and me to be out of the way. Thank you all for your prayers, advise and encouragement. I would now ask for prayers that I get some kind of direction on where I go from here in even a smaller these smaller ministry plans.

God Bless,
Matthew

Thank you brother Gregg I will definitely be reading John 14 again and again. I do believe but I think that my lack of putting my beliefs into practice have left me a little jaded to my own folly.