Dear br Mike.Thanks for your message.I am digesting it. And will prayerfully consider what you have counseled.But this is my first response.I hope I haven't misunderstood what you mean by balance.In my view, the very nature of sermonindex is to 'destroy' perspective that is other than full blown revival.Let me explain.In here, there is a very great concentration of revival preaching. Perhaps these men and women preached other messages, but their very best, their most contrary to the spirit of the age is here. And not by just one person. Many preachers over the last over 100 years.Here is where I first heard of the Moravians and their 100 year prayer meeting, where I heard that they would sell themselves as slaves to reach the lost. this is where I heard about General Booth's vision of the lost, and I have actually read the tract.Here is where I heard Duncan Campbell and the revival in the Hebrides. Here is where I heard J Edwin Orr give his marvelous testimony, and also give an account of the many revivals.Here is where I watched the video on the Ausbury Revival. And heard from the very mouth of Richard Wurmbrand.There is something about hearing someone's voice. It's like, more real. This isn't history any more, it's God moving in a life.I could go on, but one more.Here is where I heard sermons by David Wilkerson and Leonard Ravenhill. And through those sermons got a little experience of what conviction by the Holy Spirit can be, when He turns on the pressure.You know I was a man heartbroken because of a failed relationship, and when under that conviction, repented for loving her more that I loved God. I still hurt a bit, but I am no longer bound (the expression is wrong--please get the thought). And from that I realise that the very presence of God can do in one instant what man's effort achieves ineffectively over a long time.But coming back to sermonindex. It reminds me of Hebrews says 'Surrounded by such a crowd of witnesses"So, because of all this, I am walking upside down.I work at an ad agency, and I see clearly lostness of man because their sins are manifest. I sit, look over my computer and imagine where these guys will go if the Lord doesn't touch them.I don't know enough theology, but I can't bear the thought that people I know, friends, family and colleagues, will perish.That's getting to be enough knowledge for me.Don't think you are missing anything brother. One of the blessed things I learned through the brethren here especially as I was going through a similar time of soul searching and the Lord breaking up the fallow ground, is that of balance.It is not usually well taken at a time such as this as it seemingly contradicts all that is happening inwardly, it's as if you want to scream "Are you kidding?" "I am being taken apart to the extreme and you want me to be 'balanced'?"Of all Scripture, this is what I recall has make me weep.My sin. God's love and sacrifice for me.And that hell is real.This also make me angry and twisted inside and sometimes weep. That God isn't here. At least the way He came down before.I know brother that you care for me, and that your concern for me is loving but my heart cries out."I don't want balance! I want God! I want God! I want revival"But that's not all the time. I don't cry enough, I don't pray enough. I read about Evan Roberts praying for 4 hours before he went to work. I read about George Whitfied weeping as he preaches and the tears bounce off his belly and fall on his listeners. Ihear about the man who sat on the sidewalk weeping and when he was asked whe he was crying he said, I weep at the sound of the foosteps of the lostI don't understand that! My prayer is that God would so break my heart that I would be that way and more. But before that my love for a woman who rejected me made me weep and pray any seek God. To my shame I don't pray as desperately as I did then.I can't have it on my conscience that I didn't do enough to save the lost. And I know enough is God coming down.I am learning to in my weak and unlearned and fearful way to shout, to rail at heaven, that Heaven would be to be torn open! Rend the heavens! Pour your Spirit!My conscience will be clear only if I am sure that someone went to hell, not because he didn't know, but that he was faced by the conviction of the Spirit, and still rejected God's mercy.Sorry I can't go on. I am crying at work.But I say this. If revival doesn't come, sermonindex has no purpose.Through Sermonindex I have learned there is an ocean.It must come. it must come.Not more tears. Not more tears. But the Holy Spirit to convict men from their ways, to the church and to the world.I love you in Christ, Br Mike, and maybe need to get back from the fringe, but I can't erase what I now know. And I can't see a way out except revival.
