I think i finally know what my problem is

I think i really know what has been the problem with me. It has something to do with all my problems since i thought I was a christian seven years ago. I see that my problem is that I never fully committed myself to Christ or as you can say fully surrendered my life to Christ. I would partially do so like in listening to sermons and not getting into worldly things like television and movies etc. But my walk has been a half committed walk, i knew i have had a sexual lust problem looking at every woman that passed me it seemed and many other things but I never have committed myself in my heart to quit my sins and commit to our fathers will. I know i haven't i would sin and i would be like here we go again i sinned but then i would keep doing it still, yes it was hard but i never committed my heart to the Lord. I was decieving myself. This goes for many things in my life, i am a hypocrite with my life and i can say all the right things but my heart is wicked. It really has been hitting me through listening to Zac Poonens sermon reality in a Christian Life, listening to ravenhill and reading books by tozer and yohannan, and reading the scriptures and seeing that my life is contrary to the scriptures especially my heart. Now I know that i have figured it out, but now i have to surrender my will to Christ and i want to. But it is so hard and my flesh is so weak. I want to be able to if God calls me to do anything or go anywhere. I really had to get serious this past week when i began to lust severly again at my work and my heart got really hard towards God and have become slightly blind to the truth. I have been struggling with an evil spirit that keeps blinding my heart from believing God and his existence. I really said okay i need to stop this and dedicate myself to the Lord, I don't want to lose Christ. It is not worth losing Christ for sin. I have to fight, I haven't realized the walk is a fight it really is. It is serious, i don't know if you can lose your salvation or if you can't or if calvinism is true or not anymore, but this has woken me up and i have to take this serious for now on. I want the holy spirit to empower me to do God's will. Please pray for me. Thank you for all your prayers and encouragement.

funny thing is i read most of it a few years back but gave away both of my copies i had. It was beautiful.

i have it and read most of it, reading k.p yohannans road to reality his words are convicting like leonard ravenhills and washers.

I mean this with all the love I can pour out to you:

Your problem may be that regeneration has not taken place in your heart.

Brother B4L,

Without doubt our Father has been answering your prayers (and those of others). Amen!

I believe the truth is in you (1 John 1:8) and you are experiencing the work of the Spirit of Truth, which work is towards ridding you of all falseness, unreality, self-deception, idolatry, unbelief (and so on); because Jesus didn't have any of these things in Him.

All of us have to go through a personalised version of this, and get revelation in the order God believes is most helpful to our encouragement and walk with Him.

It is true that sometimes the battle is so fierce, one almost forgets it is God's battle for our souls, to bring them back from ungodly control. I find the proclamation at the beginning of Isaiah 40, especially encouraging to my heart.

Remember, His heart is perfect, and through the Spirit He seeks to find expression for HIS heart in our three-dimensional life, and this is bound to clash with life the flesh would prefer to lead under its own control, which is naturally dead to His life and His desires.

Oswald Chambers writes of 'whole tracts of human nature' of which we are unaware until God brings them to our attention, which need to be brought under His control.

You are not alone in the discovery of that sense of not being committed enough to Christ, which all of us encounter if we are honest, when we find a part of our life which has NEVER complied with the conviction and understanding God brings sometimes.

It is a discipline to take the insight like a man, and yield to His direction like a servant. Sometimes, we don't know what His is after, until He has led us into a situation we can't cope with, and then woefully, we discover more of our shortcomings - for His glory.

If I wasn't regenerated then I definitely need to be. My biggest issues right now is surrendering my will to God's maybe then regeneration might happen or the holy spirit will come back, secondly overcoming all of my sins especially the sin of lust, the sins in my life also have hardened my heart towards God in believing in his existence and doubting the Bible and Christs existence and towards getting conviction over my sins which i use to all the time. My hardened conscious and heart has really scared me and got worse, please pray for my deliverance and Christ to set me free.