Prayer needed

I was just wondering if I could get some prayer for myself, here lately I feel like a boat with a hole and all my life perservers are overboard. I am not sure what the Lord is doing in all of this but I know He knows what He is doing. I have a counseling session with a good christian brother in about 7 days I hope and pray I find some answers to this. There are two Keith Green songs I can relate to and that is Create in me a Clean Heart and My eyes are dry. Thank you all for your prayers they are already appreciated.

God Bless,
Matthew

Hello brother, just wanted to let you know I'll be praying for you. I can relate pretty well to what you're describing. I'll be lifting you up in prayer to the Lord.

Andrew

Matthew, I have no clue about the details about your difficulty. But...I do know of Someone who does and He is more interested in it then you are. Do not forget that!

I would guess most of us in our walk with the LORD find ourselves in a place where we wonder where God went to because it seems as though we are all alone and abandoned.

It seems as though God allows these dry times to come upon us to test our trust and faith. Some of these tests are quite severe. The oppression seems to engulf your soul and you feel like giving up. But you don't do that. You talk to the LORD and even if it seems as though He is miles removed, you keep it up.

It is a good thing you have a Christian brother who can help you carry your load. Consider that a blessing and perhaps there are other blessings it might be well to take notice of and start counting them and meditating on how you were the recipient of such wonderful things.

God bless and will pray for you as the Holy Spirit reminds me.

ginnyrose

As I prayed and asked the Lord what this was all about I started to read an Andrew Murray Book The Deeper Christian Life. This book convicted me so far in one area I know I need help in and that is Unbelief, so here now I publically confess my unbelief that has been eating away at me. I know the sin of this trust me I do I feel like the man that cried to Jesus "Lord, Help my Unbelief!" And up until now I have always doubted that God would send me aid. I have "sought" His presence and fellowship with Him and then became discouraged and then lazy and then started to see sin reenter areas I thought I had victory over, I know now if you give Satan an inch he will take three miles and then use the inch to stab you in the back, its kind of his thing.

My unbelief comes in to my salvation and even to the exsistance of our Heavenly Father, I have been expecting and waiting on some supernatural experience. When this didn't happen I made up in my mind that God must not want me to have this and so its His will that I not have a deepr and more intimate relationship with Him (which I should have known is contrary to His will and purpose for my life. Yet another area of Disbelief is the parts of the bible that call me the object of His love, I don't feel love nor do I feel like I am a lovely individual.

I don't feel I am filled with His love not because I am unwilling but because somehow its contrary to His will to fill me, yet another falsehood in my heart. He DOES Desire to Fill me but I am sitting in Unbelief and/or Unwilling to accept and grow in that Love.

The worst part of it all is there are things in my heart that are sin and there is a great part of me that doesn't care its there and infact enjoys its company and entertainment. I am expressing all of this in writing to see my own folly physically written to hopefully see it in a greater scale.

I assume the character of God is to not bless me now in order to bless me later in some other fashion that I am somehow not ready or not prepare for and that when I am ready He will freely give it quite a foolish assumption seeing that God is so wonderfully blessing me everyday with His love and grace and I by my unbelief spit in my heavenly Father's face, and ALL HE does is understand and care for me an ungrateful, undeserving, unloving creature, If His grace abounds may IT Abound EVEN MORE in ME for I need it more then ever.

I am also heartbroken over not the state of my marriage but over the fact that I can't Love my wife until I become a genuine lover of God, nor can I love my children with the Love they deserve and need. I not only want God's Love in my but absolutely NEED IT. Yet my heart in its wickedness doubts this kind of Love exsist and if it does exsist then it must not be for me.

Lord break my bitter heart, that I don't blame my vileness on You not helping but take it upon me but that my sin may fall under the blood of Chirst and be atoned for, Help my unbelief Lord and purify my heart. Resanctify me from my folly and help me grow in your grace, protect my heart and ears from the words of the wicked one and deliver me from this doubt. I want a relationship with You and I want to walk and experience Your Love. Thank You Lord for Your Son and Your Mercy and Patience with a wretch such as I. In Christ I pray, Amen.

Praying for you. The Lord sees you, hears you, and known you better than you know yourself. His love for you is immense and immeasurable! He loves you more than words could ever express! Nothing that you do or do not do can make the Lord love you any more than the infinite love that he has for you!

Matthew 6:25-34
Matthew 11:28-30
Matthew 5:8

Thank you all for praying for me, while I still feel uneasy I am standing on the promises of Christ Jesus. I have been struggling with my faith for a while because a great part of me wants the purest of faiths not to brag or boast but that I may simply be obedient to Christ. As many of you have pointed out to me is that for a pure faith we must go through the fire. This process isn't necessarily fun but most certainly effective.