"I feel terrible for feeling this way and that only makes things worse. I know I have the wrong attitude in my heart. I should be thankful, God has done so much for me, and yet I struggling with finding joy."...MaryJane
You may respond to this in a different way, being female, but the roots are very similar to my experience, a brother. I may react a little differently, but privately, I too have shed tears over my circumstance.
All of it is not unbelief, or a bad attitude, or lack of faith, however; This I know...
2Corinthians Chapter 1:
"8 For we do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, of our trouble which came to us in Asia: that we were burdened beyond measure, above strength, so that we despaired even of life.
9 Yes, we had the sentence of death in ourselves, that we should not trust in ourselves but in God who raises the dead, 10 who delivered us from so great a death, and does deliver us; in whom we trust that He will still deliver us,
11 you also helping together in prayer for us, that thanks may be given by many persons on our behalf for the gift granted to us through many."
Beyond measure...above strength..despairing of life....
Now that's depression. I'm sure Paul shed a tear or two in the midst of that one. What was God after? Is it only the "SUPER-SAINTS" that go through that?
"We had the sentence of death WITHIN OURSELVES, THAT WE WOULD NOT TRUST IN OURSELVES!!!!.............BUT IN GOD WHO RAISES THE DEAD."
Of course, not every bad day falls into this category, but I'll bet that a lot more of those elected ones, Chosen Ones, than we have a clue of, ARE suffering this sentence of death, in order that they would become qualified to be His Possession, and be in a position to be possessed by God fully.
Only one God will be worshipped in the temple that we humans are...either the God Creator Jesus the Spirit, or god the created fallen me in the glory of my disgusting pride of life.
Did you ever meet a Christian that truly suffered and came through the suffering trusting and believing in God's faithfulness? I've met a handful...really; two or three tops. They not only glow; they are sweet and joyfull in a peacefull, quiet way.
The goal of God is to emanate Himself undivided through the temple you are, and in the end, for this to be successful, we must be slain; annhilated.
19 "For I through the law died to the law that I might live to God.
20 I have been crucified with Christ;
...it is no longer I who live,..[Am I dead?]
....[ yes but no..]but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh...
.... I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me."..[This is a mystery of God..]
The last time I checked being crucified is painful. It is real blood, sweat and tears...and excruciating. God has the Universe at His disposal, and His desire is to conform us to Himself, not to bless us.
Read the despair of Job, and see the lengths that the Father will go to secure the affections of one man, and increase his faith to fellowship him in a more full way.
Worship Him in your pain, and don't waste your sorrows. You'll come out like gold.