Internet pornography's impact on our wives

Most men who are viewing, using pornography realize that they are engagin in sinful activity but beyond that they ususally ocnsider internet porn use a victimless activity, particularly as it relates to our wives...after all these are just pictures of people that we don't even know. If this is the case then why is internet porn use the fastest growing reason for divorce inside and out of the church.

Discussion with women including my wife of 38 years show that incredible hurt that our wives feel when they find out that we are looking at other women. They equate it with cheating (so does God) but more than that it makes them feel ugly and useless. I have had a discussion board on the subject for years and the women post that they can't understand why ther husbands want to look at other women. Are we not pretty enough? Aren't we enough?. You cannot believe the depth of pain that they experience.

If there are women on this site please share with us your feelings about this issue because we men don't get it. We don't realize that we are jeapordizing our familes and marriages when we fall into this activity...

I really appreciate this post. Thank you.

It is totally mystifying that a man who took vows before God to keep himself only for his wife, should ever consider that looking at another woman for sexual arousal of himself, would be acceptable - to either God or his wife.

Which bit of his supposedly brilliant masculine logic has failed?

Thanks Rainydaygirl- you are so right that this is a hard subject-yet most of us men have no idea of the dmaage we are doing to our wives. If you could share your hurts and feelings then maybe this would wake some of us up.

Your sisters already know all to well what this feels like and they certianly can help hold you together but somebody needs to tell the guys what they are doing is hurtful....

Here is a post from our discussion board for wives....there are hundreds like these

I am glad I found this site tonight, I needed some support. My husband has been addicted to porn for as long as I can remember. We have been married for 8 years and the throughout our marriage he has looked at porn on the computer. I did not realize it until one night about 4 years ago.
After that first time I found out it went into this pattern, he would continue, the whole time lying to me about it, I would find out about it and it would just devestate me. Now, I know he is addicted, and will not stop until he gets some help. I don't check up on him anymore, I know he is doing it, the fact that he thinks I am stupid and will swallow his lame lies makes me angry. The fact that he chooses this over our marriage hurts, sometimes more than I can bear.
I spent a couple days in the hosptial and I know he was online seeking porn then. He would tell me he couldn't sleep because he was so worried about me, I had to turn away from him, I am not sure if I was more hurt or angry. He arrived at the hospital after 12 noon looking like he had not slept all night long (probably didn't). The next night he was so tired he was falling asleep behind the wheel while driving me home from the hospital, I asked him to pull over and I drove us home.
Where we stand now... I told him, like so many times before, we will NEVER be the couple he wants us (and I) to be until he gets some help for his addiction. He wants a happy, close, married couple, but this porn addiction always come between that. No matter what. Our sex life is practically non - existent.
I have learned I cant help him, not really, I can support him, but he has to want this, more than the porn, he has to want to be healthy, want our marriage, more than the porn, and then get some help. I find that half the time I am angry and half the time I am hurt, add a little numbness in there too.
Thank you for letting me vent.

an excerpt from another...

i ended up confronting him and asking him why and he said it was because he was sexually frustrated and he needed the visual stimulation to take care of his business. I told him i would do anything to help and he said ok and he also said that he would stop when i told him that i felt hurt and ugly and like he had cheated on me.

Hi Lysa- My point is that internet porn use by husbands is devastating to their wives. As I have conducted numerous conferences on this issue I have found that this information to husbands is yet another factor that will make them respond.

True, some of them will never stop, but I know from personal testimony that many, many of us will stop and that knowing that the impact of the porn use is hurtful to others beyond our own prayer life etc then I think it is helpful.

And yes, pray that God bless your husbands as He knows just how to do it!