A Walking Conviction?

I have a question. Yes, wow, I have a question and not an answer. This may a bit redundant because of my lack of knowing how to word all of this.Last night I attended the 2nd (of 3 required) Nouthetic Counseling Training conference. I was with 'church' people. I am usually not around many. After the conference was over, I was talking to someone about my yearning inside, my feeling of great responsiblity to be an example of Christlikeness to others- to overcome, to be an overcomer - so that others may see it IS possible. I was using alot of references to my own anxiety and refusing to take medication. I was explaining my reasons and my thinking and how I knew that the Lord was SUFFICIENT for me. That no matter how long it takes, I trust the Lord to show me what it is He is trying to show me about my weaknesses. His power is made perfect in my weakness.I didn't want to sound as if I were thinking I was perfect or anything, i mean this is all a process, but still that I felt God has said "these are the standards I have for you- press on and reach for them."In my heart I just want to show others that overcoming is possible. By God's grace alone, I have overcome in some areas-some stronghold areas. And i know that if I continue to follow His word that I will continue to overcome in other areas (even in my fear and anxiety-however long it takes). I was making it known that I felt that too many in the church do not press in and try to be overcomers, they give in to easy.Anyway, as I talked about all of this, I started to get excited. I could feel my heartbeating and I felt like preaching. Can't explain it. After that, they said, well, you know you can't take that kind of burden on yourself. it's not up to you to sanctify anybody. You have to let the holy Spirit do that. One person even said , you can't be like the guy in Pilgrims progress and be carrying that burden around. Christians weren't meant to live like that.of course, I knew then and there that they didn't and weren't going to understand the burden of my heart. But the words that kept coming to me (but I didn't say them) was that I wanted to be a "walking conviction". I longed to tell someone this and I longed for someone to say that they felt the same way.I knew it would be taken wrong if I said it in those words. I guess it might sound "proud" or holier than thou. But I guess what i really mean (and was trying to get across) was that I wanted to let god glorify Himself through me in whatever means necessary. I don't want people to see me and say "oh, isn't she convicting, she's so holy". I want them to see God and His strength and his power and His love and the work He has done and is doing through me- so much so that, others will be drawn to do the same. They will be willing to do whatever the Lord asks of them. To lay down whatever He asks. to overcome in areas they never thought possible.Are these the right words "walking conviction". I hope people can see how I mean this. It has nothing to do with me- only with the Lord. I am only the vessel or the instrument.Does this make any sense to anyone. I know in my heart how I feel about it, but it is hard to make sure I have the right words.When I left that church, once again i felt so alone. I felt sad that no one wanted to sacrifice the comforts of an easy road to bring as much glory to God as possible.Since my scare with melanoma (and never really knowing if and when things will turn for the worse), I just feel such an increased burden to show by my walk, that it is possible to overcome and to walk by faith. Just as all of us do not know whether we have one week to live or 30 yrs to live, I want to live my life as though I might only have a week. I don't have time to play around with this overcoming stuff. I don't have time to not trust God. If I am going to leave this world, I want it to bring glory to God. I want it to leave something behind. A God trail- of sorts. :-) Does any of this make any sense? In Him, Chanin

Praise God Chanin,I think I may understand your heart.I used to think that it wasn't possible to live an overcoming life. I wasn't even aware of it but I didn't really believe that Jesus could change me totally in this life. It was a sin of unbelief.God sent me to a church where I met people and two pastors who believe that it is possible to live an overcoming life, a life where Jesus has brought victory over the power of sin where Jesus directs each step of our life. (Their lives proclaim this truth louder than the words they speak and how they live their life oftentimes convicts me of things I want to control.)I always wanted this life but frankly didn't think it was possible. I have since had to repent for this unbelief in my heart.Jesus broke me free from depression (20+ years), smoking & tobacco use (35+ years), and a host of other sins. He did it and I have to proclaim that it is possible to have victory over sin in this life as we surrender to Him.Here is one of my favorite verses: Rev 12:11 And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death. I don't see this as a "walking conviction" but the blood of Jesus can wash away any sin and then he gives us a testimony. Finally, we don't love our lives any longer but surrender ourself to Jesus. Jesus what's your agenda?I see your walk as a "walking hope" in Christ. I would describe it more aptly as a living hope "1Pe 1:3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,"Thank God, this living hope of our Lord Jesus is what encourages others. It may convict, it may encourage, but it's all about Jesus and what He alone has done in your life and mine.I don't deserve any grace. I didn't do anything to deserve His shed blood. I don't deserve victory through Jesus Christ. But He alone did it and I just praise His Holy name. All the things that God has done is to exalt His name so I not going to worry about how this is interpreted by others.Continue to change our hearts Lord Jesus, so we want nothing other than You. Give us hearts to proclaim what you have done in our lives but let it be with humble hearts because we know that you oppose the proud but give grace to the humble.

Are these the right words "walking conviction". I hope people can see how I mean this. It has nothing to do with me- only with the Lord. I am only the vessel or the instrument.I think the words "walking conviction" are appropriate and a synonym for the words "living letters" associated with the following verses;Are we beginning again to commend ourselves? Or do we need, as do some, letters of commendation to you or from you? You are our letter, written in our hearts, known and read by all men; being revealed that you are a letter of Christ, ministered by us, written not with ink, but with the Spirit of the living God; not in tablets of stone, but in tablets that are hearts of flesh. Such confidence we have through Christ toward God; not that we are sufficient of ourselves, to account anything as from ourselves; but our sufficiency is from God;(2 Corinthians 3:1-5)and also;Therefore seeing we have this ministry, even as we obtained mercy, we don't faint. But we have renounced the hidden things of shame, not walking in craftiness, nor handling the word of God deceitfully; but by the manifestation of the truth commending ourselves to every man's conscience in the sight of God. (2 Corinthians 4:1-2)Now there's a challenging text, does my life (or should I say the life of Christ in me) prick the conscience of those around me?In Christ,Ron

In my heart I just want to show others that overcoming is possible. By God's grace alone, I have overcome in some areas-some stronghold areas. And i know that if I continue to follow His word that I will continue to overcome in other areas (even in my fear and anxiety-however long it takes). I was making it known that I felt that too many in the church do not press in and try to be overcomers, they give in to easy.Chanin, I totally understand what you mean. I don't know if any of you remember, but when I first came to SI I was talking alot about wanting to lay my life down, but I didn't know what that was supposed to look like. I think I even said, I can hardly find anyone around me that has a laid down life. I have one friend who is really pressing hard to lay down her life and she moved to Georgia. You were actually the first person to really engage with me here at SI and I think you did it because you saw that my heart connected with yours. Your words (which are the only way I know your life) became convicting to me. That is something that I need so bad. I need people around me who are on fire. You are right, way too many Christians just fall back and take the world's pills for relief from their ails. They accept modern medicine's labels for their "sickness". Jesus has healed me of suicidal depression, drug addiction, meanness, anger, bipolar whatever...He holds me there everyday in his divine strength just like he holds up the moon! You can't see what's holding this universe together, but it's the same thing that's holding you and me. Press on, Sister, I've got you in my sight and I know Celestial City is just up ahead!

Just to encourage you about feeling alone, I have heard a great encouragement from Preacher Herb Reavis Jr about God fearing Christians. Those who make Jesus their only heart's desire, God's way is their way, His will is their will, His heart their heart, His burden their burden, you will find you are in a minority even in the religious community. So be encouraged, those who press on and love God wholeheartedly are around, but God seems to place us in lonelier places. Speak truth as God leads, and keep walking in faith. Your honesty and servanthood is not in vain. God's people are so often mocked, ignored in blindness, or hated. Keep in the faith, your testimonies are encouraging. :)