Good day brother,
May the Lord bless you for this post as it is confirmation of my own personal experience just recently. Before I share my own experience, it's important for me to say that it is not my intention to offend anyone, but rather to make my own confession before God and my brothers and sisters and hope that by my own experience someone may be edified. As usual I apologize if my post ends up being too long.
I've been visiting SermonIndex anonymously for quite some time, and it was mainly because of the tremendous sermons by the men and women of God and the ministry of Sermon Index itself. That is, "to see genuine biblical revival", a thing that my wife and I were seeking in our own lives. The word preached by these servants of God have been a tremendous blessing to my wife and I in ways that words could not adequately express.
I later became interested in the forums so I created a profile and began to be what I thought was interactive. I thought that those who came to a site such as this, were all like me, seeking Biblical Revival in their lives, and it would be a good thing to interact with brothers and sisters seeking the same thing as I.
I soon realized though that this was not the case and that this forum was pretty much like most online forums. A place where the anonymity of the internet...
...created some individuals with puffed up opinions and who were more interested in starting and winning an argument by having the last word. Individuals who were interested in the number of views and responses to a thread they created. Individuals who went about seeking to correct a persons view of a particular doctrine by imparting to them "their own opinion" on the matter for certainly "their view" was the correct one. A place to gain "reputation" by having a large post count or by commenting on every thread with a "controversial" comment. As you say...
...so as to appear to be "deep" and "spiritual". I soon found that the "Holier Than Thous", the "Know It Alls" and the "Super Spirituals" though few in number, were more dominant and the folks that I could tell were genuinely humble and seeking revival were being drowned out, in my mind at least, by such types.
I found myself coming to SermonIndex and going directly to the forums, no longer to the sermons, to see what new topic was posted or commented on by these pharisaical types. To see if a topic I posted was viewed or commented on. I found that I would be disappointed if my thread, or that of another humble poster, was not viewed or commented on, and the other controversial one was viewed hundreds of times and commented on by the "Know It Alls". I found that I began to be discouraged and asking myself "will revival ever come?", if the forum of a site seeking revival had this type of atmosphere. The discouragement I felt was real and powerful!
The Lord Jesus in His own unique and loving way came to me and by His Holy Spirit gently said to me "Thou art the man."
Little did I realize it, but I had become the very same thing that I was despising. The description I gave earlier was in fact a description of myself. I was standing in judgement of individuals I perceived to be "Know It Alls" and "Holier Than Thous", and did not realize that thinking myself to be right and them wrong made me into the real "know it All." I forgot that it is Christ who would call to account all the actions of His children, not me. Even though I though myself to be "in the right", the reality was that the forum had become my focus and not my Savior. I too was looking for "views" and "comments" and I became discouraged because I had taken my eyes of Jesus, and had began to look at others. They had it all wrong, I was in the right. They were proud, I was humble. It would be the equivalent of the Publican looking at the Pharisee and instead of praying to God and saying "be merciful to me a sinner," praying thus with himself, "Thank you Lord that I am not as Other Men!"
I had to repent in dust and ashes, and return to my first love The Lord Jesus. I had to repent of believing that I was right and confess that it is Christ who will say who is right and who is wrong. I had to repent of of my desire to "correct" the atmosphere on the forum and confess that it is Christ who is in control and has a purpose for all the things He allows. By allowing me to come here, He showed me the corruption in my own soul, the thing that I would not have seen in myself before. He showed me that revival is a personal matter, and if I do "grieve" it should be because I don't see revival in my own heart and life.
So now, when I come to SermonIndex, it's to listen to the word, just as at the beginning, and when I do come to the forums, I stay away from the controversial posts and comments and the Lord leads me to posts that will edify and encourage me.
So I would like to confess my sin and ask my brothers and sisters to forgive me. May the Lord continue to have His own perfect will in each and every life that surrenders fully to Him.
A fellow bond-slave of Christ
Everard
