does loving someone requiring liking them

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MaryJane Jan 9, 2011

greetings

Is it possible to love someone but not really like them?
I use to think that you could not like a person but still love them with the heart of Jesus but now I am not so sure. If there is a particular person that I struggle with and don't like them or like being around them is it possible to really love them as Christ would call me to??? Should all believers get along and like each other or can there still be differences in the body with personalities and still demonstrate the love of Christ toward each others without being friends and liking each other??

God Bless
maryjane

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Heydave Jan 9, 2011

Seeing that we are commanded to 'love our enemies' and we do not like our enemies do we?, I would say absolutely we can love those we dislike!

Blessings.

sermonindex Jan 9, 2011

Really good tough question. A great old Christian man said that we need not "hang out" with everyone that we differ with for legitimate reasons - but yet we still love them.
We're just to test 'why' it is that we don't like being with them and ask the LORD to show us if there's anything in 'us' that would be a wrong reason for not liking to be with them. I fear not liking any person, because that borders way too close to hate.
It's more that we don't like what they Do, so we don't like being with them, rather than not liking them.
Reasons could be legitimate if their behavior is Scripturally offensive. OR, the LORD sends people into our lives to teach us to "love the unlovely" - Or because we may need to see the pride in our own lives or - as some say - we don't like in others what we see in ourselves - Or, the LORD needs to show us that we have a weakness in our flesh that this person brings out, that we didn't even know was still in there & it needs to be reckoned with.
There's just so many reasons why we could feel that we don't want to be with a person.
To not want to be with someone depends on 'how much' we don't want to be with them as well. If we've already determined it's never, than we've cut off love already because Love looks to GOD to repair the situation and love would be there whenever the person needed help or if The LORD said, "Call them", etc.

It may be that they hurt us in some way. I think the only answer is to really pray about it. I don't believe anyone comes into my life without GOD allowing it and normally it's to get 'me' to change - BUT, once in a very rare while - He's used some to show me that hanging out with them will cause something that is not from Him or to sharpen discernment. Bad company corrupts good manners. Another instance was a person who only wanted to talk to me to pump info out of me to spread to others. I couldn't say that I don't like the person, it's just that I don't care for that practice because it's Biblically called gossip. The more one dwells on this, the more reasons one can find for the pros and cons of breaking fellowship and I believe Only GOD can answer our particular situations, one instance at a time, in order to stay in His Will.

I've had to pray so hard on whether or not to break fellowship with folks. Love is definitely #1 to Him, so breaking fellowship with even unsaved people is the hardest thing in the world sometimes. I want to be sure that it's Him telling me to - or is it me that needs to change. I'd rather side with that it's me that needs to change - and then after reckoning with that, sometimes He'll say that it's alright to not "hang out" with that person. Not a sparrow falls without His Will - so every encounter has some purpose I believe - if for no other reason but that GOD wants us to pray for them.

One Brother made sense to me as far as testing "love" goes. He asked, "How far would you go for your "love" for them?" --- So I have to ask myself that question as well.

Pray one for another. Thanks!

H

HeartSong Jan 9, 2011

Well, imagine Jesus telling you that He loves you, but does not like you.

1 + -1 = 0

My mother once told me that she did not have to like me in order to love me. She might as well have stabbed me with a knife. I really would have preferred that she had said that she hated me - for at least I would have known where I stood. She would do things with my sisters - who she liked - and I would stand on the sidelines looking in - left out - but loved?

It is by the love of Christ that we love others that are apparently unlovable. Ask Him to give you that supernatural love. It was the love of Christ that mended my relationship with my mother. We are now growing together in Him.

J

Joyful_Heart Jan 9, 2011

I was told that also, that someone loved me but didnt like me. I said, I had rather have you like them then than love me because then you would have treated me better than loving me.

For me, when I am offended and dont like someone for whatever reason there is no love in my heart for that person at all. I have to go to the Lord and ask Him to forgive me and help me not be offended and to love, truly love with His love. And when I have the victory there is love and like. I can be around them without having junk in my heart for them. All glory to God. I then can be a witness to them.

I may not like everything they do but I see the flaw in them for a couple of reasons. One, the Lord shows me my log and I cant point the finger or it is to pray for them with a pure heart of love.

So, I would say no, we cannot love a person and not like them but we can love a person and with a pure heart pray for them.

Glory to God and help us all. I struggle with not being offended and ask the Lord to help me often to purely love.

I

InTheLight Jan 9, 2011

What follows is something that I was just reading today, I felt I should share it here in this thread...

Those who are in Christ cannot love only the brethren who are close to them, nor only a part of mankind. They must love all men, friend and foe alike. One who loves Jesus must have a large heart. His love must embrace everyone. He builds no fences. His love is not limited to his own community, to his own human or spiritual family, his own church or fellowship group, his own state or nation. He sets no such limits. For this love of Jesus never ceases. It may be forsaken. It may be treated like an enemy. It may encounter ingratitude and evil. Yet it persists, even though it must forgive "seventy times seven" (Matthew 18:22).

This lowly, forgiving, merciful, and all-embracing love is not easily obtained. By ourselves it is altogether impossible to attain. This is one of the most difficult aspects of our lives. Again and again we stumble and fall at just this point: we cannot forgive, cannot be merciful; with difficult people our love simply falls short of the mark. We excuse our failures by saying that it is impossible. But do we consider what that implies? It implies that it is impossible to have the right kind of love toward Jesus.

What a joy to know that the requirement for true bridal love toward Jesus is not anything we do. Rather, it is a broken heart, which is convicted of its failures and sins. And a true love for one's brother is born along this same pathway. One sees that he has nothing of real love in himself. He sees all his guilt, his love-lessness. Again and again this drives him to Jesus, who alone is the wellspring of love. Out of His heart of love, Jesus gives a true love for one's brother. As Jesus gives us this love, we learn more and more to love His creatures. We stop putting limitations and fences around our love. More and more we are given to love all that He has created, the entire universe.

-excerpted from Those Who Love Him by Basilea Schlink

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InLove Jan 9, 2011

I would like to add something. I think your asking the wrong question. We need to look at what it biblical love.

I have found in my study that its completely defferent than the worlds veiw of it. The world view it simply love for something or someone. Notice it has to have something to love, but look at 1cor:13 its something that pours out of you. An essence if you will. Its God of course. The closer you are to Him the more it will just radiate from your being. The same with liking imo.

In love,
Joe

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MaryJane Jan 10, 2011

greetings
thank you for your responses. I will pray over what has been shared and see what the Lord has for me in all of this.

God bless
mj

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Areadymind Jan 10, 2011

God loves us and as a result we become likable. When we choose to love, as God loves, we end up liking what we love.

W

White_Stone Jan 10, 2011

This thread has been on my heart and at last I found the passages that I wanted to contribute.

1Tim:6:5: Perverse disputings of men of corrupt minds, and destitute of the truth, supposing that gain is godliness: from such withdraw thyself.

2Tim:3:5: Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.

white stone

sermonindex Jan 10, 2011

Yes, there are those cases - the Biblical reasons to seperate oneself - crossed my mind as I typed the first post here as well, as I had just yesterday posted to that 'Church at Ephesus' thread.

These are the verses from that thread -

Rom 16:17, 18 Now I beseech you, brethren, mark them which cause divisions and offences contrary to the doctrine which ye have learned; and avoid them.
For they that are such serve not our Lord Jesus Christ, but their own belly; and by good words and fair speeches deceive the hearts of the simple.

2Thess 3:6 Now we command you, brethren, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that ye withdraw yourselves from every brother that walketh disorderly, and not after the tradition which he received of us.

2Thess 3:14-15 And if any man obey not our word by this epistle, note that man, and have no company with him, that he may be ashamed. Yet count him not as an enemy, but admonish him as a brother.

1Co 5:11 But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolater, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such an one no not to eat.

2Jn 1:10, 11 If there come any unto you, and bring not this doctrine, receive him not into your house, neither bid him God speed: for he that biddeth him God speed is partaker of his evil deeds.

This is a sad topic - needing much prayer behind it.

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Giggles Jan 10, 2011

“Is it possible to love someone but not really like them?”

Yes. Heydave had a solid point here. I would add the complexity of emotion is something to consider as well. God can hate sinners (Ps. 5:5) and yet still love them (Jn. 3:16). Also, “like” seems more temporal, situational, and based upon factors the Bible doesn’t focus on. Inlove rightly pointed to 1 Cor. 13 for what genuine, biblical love looks like.

“I use to think that you could not like a person but still love them with the heart of Jesus but now I am not so sure. If there is a particular person that I struggle with and don't like them or like being around them is it possible to really love them as Christ would call me to???”

Again here love must be defined. Is your picture of love more of a “Hollywood/pop culture/purely emotional high” type love or the kind of 1 Cor. 13, Jn. 15:13, 1 Pet. 4:8, etc.

“Should all believers get along and like each other or can there still be differences in the body with personalities and still demonstrate the love of Christ toward each others without being friends and liking each other??”

Yes to all of the above. We should get along to a degree because the world will know we are His disciples by our love for each other (Jn. 13:35). We should also get along because it is exhorted in scripture and God’s intention for believers (Eph. 4:1-7). Lastly, yes you can love difficult people. I can only imagine how it was to have Judas as a disciple. He was probably an unlikeable fellow based upon what we see of him in scripture (his reaction to the alabaster box being broken; he was a thief; his eventual betrayal of Christ which most certainly did not happen spontaneously but grew as an outworking of his character), yet Christ loved him. Also, love is a fruit of the Spirit and fruit grows over time. As we grow up in Christ, we develop His eyes and heart for people and see less of their foibles. Paul Washer highlights that unlikeable qualities within the sphere of marriage are the touchpoints God uses to conform the two people to Christ. Without resistance/pressure/fire/affliction, we wouldn’t grow (Ja. 1:2-4, Rom. 5:3-5, etc).

S

SolaVeritas Jan 11, 2011

Hi MaryJane,
Check with yourself and try to earnestly pray for that person. If you feel resistance and find it hard, can there be true love in your heart for her?
However, if you persist in praying that God would bless that person and give you His love for her, you will find that love grows in your heart and you will no longer dislike her. This has been my personal experience. It has been a blessing and hopefully will be for you too.

P

prerich Jan 21, 2011

You are 100% correct. We also maintain a false view of Love. Agape often called the way God loves, is not a mushy, gushy type love, it's not even one of friendship. God's love stems for wanting the best for the person loved in relationship to the righteousness of God. This is why we are chastized...because God loves us. It's what's best for us.

In America we are on a self-estem kick that's killing us slowly. We can desire the best for an enemy without liking them. We can desire the best that God has for a sinning believer ... and not like nor keep company with them.

I have many people that I love - because I'm required to love and that love springs forth from God through the agency of the Holy Spirit. I desire whats best for my enemies - that they come to know Christ. I desire the best for sinning saints to include myself - that we repent and line up with what God says is right.

A doctor once told me I need to lose weight or I'll die, not very nice - but right on time. What did I do? I lost 50 pounds. That's love in action. Love is not always nice nor is it always liked.

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4gvn-or-4gtn Jun 29, 2012

@ Jesus-is-God

I came across your first post regarding Mary Jane's question about loving & liking the same person at the same time.

Would you be willing to communicate with me regarding the scripture??
I have many questions and concerns, after reading your post, I felt it in my heart to contact you.

sermonindex Jun 29, 2012

Just finding your post 4gvn-or-4gtn.

Hi! I'm not sure what "contact" means in your post. I can't do emails, because I don't have my own internet. I can post online but not on an email account.
Could we "communicate" here?

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4gvn-or-4gtn Jun 29, 2012

@ Jesus-is-God,

It appears I have no other choice to communicate with you other than making public posts for the world to see.
Which I am not comfortable with.

When a man of God, filled with the Spirit of Christ, preaches and teaches the truth of the Word, turns his back and walks away from one specific individual, and informs this individual, that he no longer prays for the individual, the individual's name will never again be spoken before God and man for the rest of his days.
Doesn't that mean God has turned His back and walked away from the same individual the man of God walks away from?

sermonindex Jun 29, 2012

Hi friend. I'm sorry I've made communicating so difficult but I must be grateful to GOD for what internet I have, at the same time.

I hope I'm understanding what you're saying or asking.

I'm allergic to anyone "giving up on anybody". I shutter at the thought.

A person can be doctrinally as pure as the driven snow but they're still human.
If anyone gives up on praying for someone - that's like declaring them Anathema and I don't feel that any of us can do that. Yes, Paul uses that term - but are we omniscient?
I always see Manneseh's repentence whenever I see people that are in the pit of sin or counterfeit christianity.
There HAS TO BE HOPE, in my mind ... though we may never see the fruit of our prayers.

I've had the LORD to release me from praying for a few people but that wasn't because I didn't believe there was hope - but because the sheer weight of "carrying them" was too much for me and only GOD knew that and though I would have continued had He told me to - instead He said - "Leave them with Me and let Me take care of them." -- but in my own mind - I feel more hope for them than some that I still carry.

Possibly, a day will come when the Saints will know who the antiChrist is and the false prophet and those that take the mark - and I don't see any "hope" for them - but anybody else - I don't think that we can say who "GOD has walked away from, permanently." We're not omniscient. We shouldn't judge whether a person will repent before their last breath and we should pray they will or leave them before the Throne with that hope in our heart of hearts.

If I haven't caught the full gist of your question - I'll be back online later tonight to try again, if you feel I need to see more clearly.

HIS PEACE to you!

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4gvn-or-4gtn Jun 29, 2012

What if this individual was his wife? What if the wife had issues and she turned to drugs , which eventually her issues grew. Now she is has become a drug addict, a liar, a thief, and depression has overwhelmed her and her husband's abandonment , his harsh words of telling her she is the devil's child, has a evil blackened heart and destroyed his life and soul has become a stumbbling block between her and the Lord? She feels as though she is NOT allowed to pray, read the bible, sing and worship God.

sermonindex Jun 30, 2012

Hi again friend.
Hm, yesterday I was told that my life was "H" on earth and I hadn't thought of it that way. I suppose The LORD has blessed me with a sense of humor and has allowed all the memories to dissolve enough of what I've lived through. It's something that is best to not dwell on and I don't share much of it, except to two close friends.
I wondered why that was brought up to me and I figure I'm telling you so that you don't think I'm coming from some story book background.

I'm not sure if you're relaying an actual scenario or a somewhat hypothetical situation but if I could talk to her I'd tell her that it doesn't matter what her husband says about her and if she wants Jesus, He's going to be there for her and Isaiah 54:5 states that "The LORD is her husband."

Regardless of what she's done - totally regardless - she can come to Him and pray for forgiveness and for deliverance from that life and begin a new life with her True Husband.

She just needs to put Him first and sincerely desire Him for Himself, with whatever strength she has.

We won't be married in Heaven and also, we won't be able to blame anyone else for why we don't make it to Heaven.
If she feels that she can't pray, read the Bible, sing or worship then I have to ask - is she still on drugs, lying or stealing? And if not - is her husband "God" that she would allow his harsh words to make The True GOD a liar?
"Return to Me" is what He says in His Word and let each one work out 'their own' salvation ....

Look at Hosea's wife. Look at Manneseh. Look at the man in 1Corth5 that repented.

Bottomline, even the Godliest of Saints have been accused of being a "devil" - even as our LORD was - but did it hinder Him/them?
If the Godly are persecuted in that way and can take it - she can as well. The power of GOD to confess to Him that we resorted to something that we shouldn't have because of our 'issues' is all He's waiting for. Taking those same issues to Him.
The thing about truly loving Him as He deserves to be loved, is when our love becomes selfless, so that we just can't resist Him and our desire to just be with Him matters more than any force on earth or from Hell itself.

She needs to understand what GOD's love can do for anyone that turns to Him and away from everyone and everything else on this temporary earth that takes her eyes off of Him.
The more self-focused we remain - the less joy we'll have. Bottomline.

Whomever this person is - they need to set their face like a flint toward Christ and Him alone.

Praying for freedom and the Joy of deliverance for whomever needs His help right now. In His Absolute, Incredible Name.

GOD Bless you!