** Preface **
Every time I read this it makes me weep, He is so gracious. He can melt the hardest, stone cold heart. My wife is now one of the most soft hearted people that I know, totally changed, 100%. I truly think like David did "Who am I Lord that You are mindful of me?"
** END Preface **
I met my husband in aircraft maintenance school where I attended. We married about a year later. I allowed my father to give me away because I really wanted my mom at the wedding. About this time, I was introduced to the first person I ever met who claimed to be “born again.” Until then, the only “born again” people I’d heard of were those weird hyper-excited people on television. This person came across as though they were better than everyone else and instead of conviction, all I saw was condemnation. I remember saying, “If that’s what being born again is, I don’t want any part of it!”
Earl and I were naïve, young, and broke like most married couples just starting out. We moved a lot. I got pregnant about four months after we got married. My father, promising us the world, got us to come to Alaska, but we hated it and left soon after. We moved back to Arizona where our first daughter was born. We moved to Florida soon after and our second daughter was born. When she was seven months old, Earl and I separated. My father had passed away so I went to Alaska to be near my mother. I got a job at the State of Alaska, rented a place of my own, and my mom watched the girls for me while I worked. Earl got involved with a local church in Florida and was born again. He was praying for our marriage. Well, something stirred in my heart for him and we reconciled. He came to Alaska.
In Alaska, he became involved in the local Assembly of God church. He wanted me to go with him, and I did once. There were people speaking in tongues and the pastor reminded me of one of those “weirdoes” from television. I was totally turned off and I swore I’d never go there again. My heart was hard.
Earl and I began having marital problems again. He was working two full-time jobs and when he did have time, he was helping out with the youth group at church. He was always attending special services. Whenever we did see each other, we just fought. I wanted a divorce. I thought about killing him. I was pretty sure I could get away with it, but I knew God would know what I’d done and I was pretty sure He wouldn’t forgive me for it. So, I decided against that option.
We went out for dinner for our fourth anniversary. We didn’t really talk much and I was resigned to the fact our marriage was over. Earl, his mother, and my sister among others were all praying for us but I didn’t know about all this prayer stuff. I was bitter and unbelieving that God could possibly have anything good planned for me. “Let’s face it,” I thought, “life sucks and then you die.”
The next day I was at work, doing the “mail run.” I had to take the State of Alaska pickup and go to the post office, get the mail, and distribute it. I hated doing the mail run, but it was part of my job. I was on the way back to the office with the mail when I all of a sudden said, “God, what do I do?” I didn’t like where my life was or where it was heading.
Imagine my surprise when there was a voice inside of me, answering me! The voice said, “What more do you want from Me? I’ve given you every opportunity to come to church and worship Me! I’ve given you a husband who loves you, who doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke, doesn’t beat you and he loves you very much. I’ve given you two beautiful children and a job that you love! What more do you want from Me?”
Now, while I was hearing this inside of me, I started to shut the door on it. But then a thought came to me…these weren’t thoughts that I would think! This must be God speaking to me! As I had this revelation, the revelation that God is real and here on this earth and that he wants to be active in my life, I submitted my heart to the Lord.
Within just a few minutes, I was back at work and I got on the elevator to go up to my office. As the doors to the elevator opened, there was Earl. He cautiously asked for the ATM card, afraid I was going to rip his head off. I gave it to him and greeted him warmly, but I didn’t tell him what had happened.
The next day was Saturday. I cleaned house and Earl brought a few of his friends over he knew from church. They seemed pretty nice. He left with them and the Trinity Broadcasting Network was on television and, you guessed it, there were weirdoes preaching. An invitation was made to say the sinner’s prayer and invite Jesus into my heart, and I bowed my head and prayed. I asked God to forgive me for my sins and to come into my heart. I asked him to take over my life and straighten it out because I’d really made a mess of it. He did, and without Him, I wouldn't be here today.