Honestly...

Dear Matthew,

selfish, unholy, ungodly, unrighteous, unworthy

It is BECAUSE we are all all that, that Christ died, and your awareness of it is BECAUSE you have the Holy Spirit working in you. This IS your 'salvation' being worked out. You are BEING SAVED.

But if you dwell on what you're like, instead of what Christ is like, it is its own form of idolatry. What does scripture repeatedly say about idols? And yet YOU are in God's image and HE is restoring you to His likeness.

You can make a decision to believe that He died for you in this condition, and decide to show Him how grateful you are for the rest of your life, or you can hang around moping what that's going to cost you in the process. That's a bit harsh, but it's a way of getting some perspective.

The really hard part is being saved 'now', and doing the thing 'now' which makes no provision for the flesh - the good things about being made in God's image, or the corruption of the flesh - pressing through the pain into the glory of identification with His selflessness, humanly speaking.

There was a time when I keenly felt the discrepancy you describe here,

but experience is few and far between

There are two Carter Conlon audios I think you might enjoy. One is his testimony. The other is a very old sermon. I'm not promising these will be the dynamic end to your anxieties, but if you listen to glean just one word from the Lord to move you on, I'm CERTAIN He will feed you.

I would also recommend myutmost.org. Begin any date and day by day risk being even more undone by Oswald Chamber's struggle to put into words the way God has dealt with his own life, so that he might be a blessing to others.

Your heart is in the right place, and maybe there are strongholds you need to pull down, but we're all at the same thing, and believe me, God is very gentle and paced in His revelations to us of our blind spots - but there is never any excuse to hold on to them. The blood will purge away our stain if we but bring it to Him for washing.

He Lives in Me
https://www.sermonindex.net/modules/mydownloads/visit.php?lid=2089

Who are the Meek, and What do they Inherit?
https://www.sermonindex.net/modules/mydownloads/visit.php?lid=1934 (

Just because I became a Christian, and have been born again by His Holy Spirit, it does not mean that the evil SATANIC nature of my forefathers has vanished. It has not.

Like the Manna of Heaven in the wilderness, I cannot hold onto Divine love, or His Glory. At midnight I exult in the glory of Love unspeakable, and at 7am fantasize about lustful wickedness....over and over again.

If you have been born again, the Satanic Nature you possess will war against His Holy spirit, until the day you die...and are given a New Spiritual and Holy body standing in Heaven.

"The Flesh...[My Satanic Nature] wars against the Spirit, and the Spirit [in me] wars against the flesh....so that I cannot do the things I would [will.]

This contains the nature of walking with God. We must bear a death to this nature. "If any man come after Me, let him DENY HIMSELF, PICK UP HIS CROSS, AND FOLLOW ME!" Cross means death....Die; to be resurrected in His life.

Christianity is rewarded by who you become...not what you do. If we allow Him to slay us, to live to Him, daily, we will begin to look like Him. Our choice is to crucify ourselves, and follow Jesus by walking in the Spirit, or, as most do...crucify Jesus, and live to ourselves.

That is what vain religion accomplishes.

14." For we know that the law is spiritual: but I am carnal, sold under sin.

15. For that which I do I allow not: for what I would, that do I not; but what I hate, that do I.

16. If then I do that which I would not, I consent unto the law that it is good.

17. Now then it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me.

18. For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not.

19. For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do.

20. Now if I do that I would not, it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me.

21. I find then a law, that, when I would do good, evil is present with me.

22. For I delight in the law of God after the inward man:

23. But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members.

24 Oh! Wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death?!" .............................................

JESUS DID, BUT WE MUST BEAR OUR CROSS TOO....TO KNOW HIM.

At the cross, at the cross where I first saw the light,
And the burden of my heart rolled away,
It was there by faith I received my sight,
And now I am happy all the day!

Did you experience this when you first came to Jesus?

Was there ever a time when the burden of your heart rolled away and you had such joy and peace and happiness that you thought you would just go crazy if you could not tell everyone you met, everyday about this Jesus?

The Cross is still your victory and relief from yourself, Satan and the world.

My best times of fellowship with the Lord have been when I was broken and contrite and looking to Him. He is near to them and He will not despise the broken and contrite.

Our eyes were given to us to look outward, not inward. Too much introspection and you will lose sight of Him.

Rev 2:5 Remember therefore from whence thou art fallen, and repent, and do the first works;

Return to your first love.

Many are growing in Knowledge ABOUT Him but few are growing in knowledge OF Him. He will say to many "I never knew you", because they never knew Him.

You cannot know Him intimately, be safe and secure, resting from all your struggles and labors of self-improvement and introspection, if you leave the CROSS. The Cross and Jesus are inseparable and so should the Christian be.

No matter how "modern" and "emergent" Christianity becomes, you can never do away with the Cross.

Matthew

Hear the words of the Lord

2:5 Remember therefore from whence thou art fallen, and repent, and doe the first workes, or else I will come vnto thee quickly,and will remoue thy Candlesticke out of his place, except thou repent.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t4WSe5tK_2Y&feature=player_embedded

Most cases of dryness are due to there being a secret idol in the heart. The Lord is giving you the chance to turn around and start on a new path where you no longer work in the flesh that is, your own strength and to enable you to tear down the idol.

Hi Matthew, I appreciate your response and openness.

I had had a thought after I posted, which, in the Lord's goodness, you yourself have picked up on, probably not realising just how important it is.

I know you've got worship in your bones, because of being invited to a worship leader's position - and which I indirectly warned against taking. Why? Because the worship Leader Himself, is in every believer. This breakthrough into praise, is Christ's declaration, after He has cried 'It is finished'!

and praise the Lord

That's why the person who commented on your youthful abandonment to the Lord was definitely not speaking either with His permission, or His mind. It made you self-conscious. That's exactly what the enemy of your soul intended, and no matter who it was who said what they did, it was not to the glory of God on their part nor yours. You do have to get back to that place, because it is there that you will know again the water of life springing up to satisfy not only your own soul, but in a vital way, blessing thirsty others. There is a sense in which it never comes naturally, but, you can discipline yourself for Christ's sake to lay aside all concern about your image in the sight of the world, or those who espouse its values. When you open your mouth it is to HIM, and, publicly to lift up His Name in the midst of the congregation, to the congregation.

If Christ asked me Do you Love Me? If I was being honest I would have to reply "I most certainly like you a lot."

The reason why you will say yes is because where those words originate is from your new spirit man, NOT your mind. This world hates Christ because they are of another spirit. But you and I are of another Spirit as well, His Spirit.

1 Peter 1:23 Being born again, not of corruptible seed, but of incorruptible, by the word of God, which liveth and abideth for ever.

Your a brand new creation, Old things are past away behold all things have become new. The issue here is not about you believing your salvation is real, or about answering the questions that have plagued your mind, these are just symptoms of discouragement. The real issue is do you believe what is written about Him and what He has done for YOU.

And I know that you do. Your just discouraged and we all have been there in more ways then one. What your lacking is wisdom and knowledge, you will need to dig in your heels and seek the Lord for some answers. I am glad that you have come to a standstill, would to God that we all were at this standstill so we can shake ourselves of the lethargy that permeates this generation.

I've been where your at and the answers will come as we seek His face.

Let me attempt to interpret what it means to seek His face.

It's to get His attention, it's so that you can get Him to look upon you and take seriously your petitions and requests. When we seek Him, first, He HAS heard us speak! Secondly, He waits if your serious and when you press in, faith is ignited. Sometimes the petition is answered immediately, others may take a few days while others may take longer depending on how much work the Lord has to perform in the background, "working out all things for our good".

"He that keeps asking receiveth"
"He that keeps knocking the door will be opened unto him"
"He that keeps seeking shall find"

Honestly, THANK GOD that you feel this way.

If anyone doesn't - they need to be prayed for.

HE IS shaking everything that can be shaken and Praise our LORD that He doesn't want us to stay where we are at.
He desires constant growth. A constant sense of where we're lacking - but not in a condemning way, but as the mother eagle begins to take parts of the nest apart to get her babes to begin to fly - so GOD is not allowing any of His own to feel "comfortable" just where we are but is striving with us to go "Deeper Still". Striving as Jacob strove on the mount, at times. Some have the limp to prove it - but yet - that doesn't ever mean that the work is complete. No - not until we See Him.

I worry more about those who don't see their state. To me it signals that they have never been in His Awesome drop-onto-your-face-like-a-dead-man Presence. What dropped these men of GOD in His Presence? His Holiness compared to ours.

I just hear for myself and whomever - "Seek Him all the more" - despite how many super-natural experiences we've had - or how He's used us in the past - or how much we've lived for Him for many years - Nothing past this next second matters.... He needs to bring us into much much more than we ever gave Him credit for. Beyond our own proudful imaginations - because it all involves deep-deep humbling, beyond what our minds have ever conceived of.

We should be praying for each other. We will all need it.

WHAT, Lord, is the trust which I have in this life, or what is my greatest comfort among all the things that appear under heaven? Is it not You, O Lord, my God, Whose mercies are without number? Where have I ever fared well but for You? Or how could things go badly when You were present? I had rather be poor for Your sake than rich without You. I prefer rather to wander on the earth with You than to possess heaven without You. Where You are there is heaven, and where You are not are death and hell. You are my desire and therefore I must cry after You and sigh and pray. In none can I fully trust to help me in my necessities, but in You alone, my God. You are my hope. You are my confidence. You are my consoler, most faithful in every need.

All seek their own interests. You, however, place my salvation and my profit first, and turn all things to my good. Even though exposing me to various temptations and hardships, You Who are accustomed to prove Your loved ones in a thousand ways, order all this for my good. You ought not to be loved or praised less in this trial than if You had filled me with heavenly consolations.

In You, therefore, O Lord God, I place all my hope and my refuge. On You I cast all my troubles and anguish, because whatever I have outside of You I find to be weak and unstable. It will not serve me to have many friends, nor will powerful helpers be able to assist me, nor prudent advisers to give useful answers, nor the books of learned men to console, nor any precious substance to win my freedom, nor any place, secret and beautiful though it be, to shelter me, if You Yourself do not assist, comfort, console, instruct, and guard me. For all things which seem to be for our peace and happiness are nothing when You are absent, and truly confer no happiness.

You, indeed, are the fountain of all good, the height of life, the depth of all that can be spoken. To trust in You above all things is the strongest comfort of Your servants.

My God, the Father of mercies, to You I look, in You I trust. Bless and sanctify my soul with heavenly benediction, so that it may become Your holy dwelling and the seat of Your eternal glory. And in this temple of Your dignity let nothing be found that might offend Your majesty. In Your great goodness, and in the multitude of Your mercies, look upon me and listen to the prayer of Your poor servant exiled from You in the region of the shadow of death. Protect and preserve the soul of Your poor servant among the many dangers of this corruptible life, and direct him by Your accompanying grace, through the ways of peace, to the land of everlasting light.

(Thomas Kempis)

Hi Matthew,

If you take some time and look into the 3 times that God called men in the Old Testament by their first name twice and the 3 times in the New Testament that He called men (generically speaking) by their first name twice, I think the Lord will show you what you need to know. Take special notice to their situation at the time when He called their names TWICE. This will weave together a good teaching for you in your present state in life.

The 3 men in the OT.
Abraham
Moses
Samuel

The 3 men in the NT.
Martha
Simon Peter
Saul

God bless,
777

Hey Matt,

Your honesty is refreshing. You'll get down the road a lot faster and farther, with that attitude.

One reason that I said to look into those men and women, (3 in the OT and 3 in the NT), is because they all had to come to the point of learning about the things of the spirit and the flesh, the natural man. And they had to come to an end of **themselves** and step out and trust God and learn of His ways.

As the heavens are high above the earth, so are His ways high above ours.

It's a great study and I am sure the Lord will speak something helpful to you.