Practicing the presence of God seems to be a lot more difficult then one would think. I have sojourned into more of a state of being complacent then a state of progression. Why, simply because I do not endeavor into the presence of God as a lifestyle of adoration with love, but as a tedious requirement of personal advancement in God’s kingdom. I am so selfish in my walk with God that it seems more of act of my perseverance then His continual grace that perseveres me. “Perhaps the most difficult task for us to perform is to rely on God’s grace and God’s grace alone for our salvation. It is difficult for our pride to rest on grace. Grace is for other people—for beggars. We do not want to live by a heavenly welfare system. We like to think that we will go to heaven because we deserve to be there, R.C. Sproul.”God’s forgiveness in prayer has never afforded me a good nights sleep after I would confess all of my sins. I would wallow in self-pity and condemnation for most of the night until finally falling asleep to thoughts of being a failure in the eyes of God. I would picture putting the nails back into Jesus’ hands, thus making his death to be in vain. On the other hand, Brother Lawrence did not carry this same guilt because he knew if left to himself, that he would never stop committing sinful acts against God. If he did sin, he would readily acknowledge it and move on, knowing that if he did not sin it was because of God’s grace, not his self will. To have realized this great truth, in my early Christian life, would have made sleeping a whole lot easier, but I feel I probably would have cheapened God’s grace.
