If a married man commits adultrey, should he confess this sin to his wife? I commited adultrey long before me and my wife committed ourselfs to Christ.
I know that this may be a touchy subject for some, I feel it's safe to discuss since noone knows who I am.
You will need to listen to the Holy Spirit about this. Have you asked the Lord? Are you close enough to hear Him?
Only He knows the timing and the way.
If you don't tell her you will have a block between you and her, preventing intimacy. Its important as you may know not to just unleash this on her. You really need to hear from the Lord on this matter.
Also Joe Dallas has a good book, The Game Plan, that has some things that would help you deal with this.
Lovefirst wrote:
If a married man commits adultrey, should he confess this sin to his wife? I commited adultrey long before me and my wife committed ourselfs to Christ.
Security plays a HUGE part in a woman’s marriage, security in life, emotionally security and stability and there many others elements that are there and if you tell her, absolutely everything that meant something to her will have been a farce; nothing she felt secure with – will have been true (in her mind and her emotions). Even the most spiritual woman’s foundation will be shaken to the core to find out her husband was not faithful.
If you tell her, are you willing to put in the work.... FOR MAYBE YEARS to let her know that you are in it for the long haul? I do not know your wife but I’m pretty sure that even after all these years – telling her will affect the most intimate parts of your marriage.. That spontaneous smile you get from her at different times? Yeah, it won’t be there anymore possibly for long awhile. Some men may say, “Yes, I can handle it,” but a few months in to it become bitter because she just can’t forgive and forget and act like nothing ever happened especially in the bedroom.
It’s going to take a LOT of work, stuff you never dreamed of and if you are not willing to walk with this out in love (possibly for years) with her; then do not tell her; find your guilt released from the Lord. He can give it to you and you too can move on as if nothing happened and feel no guilt!
That’s just my two cents of experience, take it or leave it.
God bless you in your decision,
Lisa
I'd say No as well, because if it was before Christ - than it's under the blood and in the sea of forgetfulness so what right have you to pick it back out from where GOD has forgiven and forgotten it - when it would also just Hurt your wife.
It's under the blood, forgiven, forgotten and to throw it at her wouldn't just hurt her but take-back the work of Christ's suffering for you, for that sin.
I agree with Lysa. However, if that relationship produced a child, your wife should know. Given the times we are in most children will at some time want to meet their biological parents, be they adopted or not. What would your family's reaction be if someone were to call your house and tell your wife that your husband is my daddy? and that, yes, he/she was conceived after you had married her?
Sin creates a storm for those close to you...
Lysa. However, if that relationship produced a child, your wife should know.
Your conscience pricks you that is why you ask the question. Consciousness comes from God, accusation from Satan. What would you do if you had stolen before you came to Christ? Would it be right for you to keep the stolen goods? Of course not. If you sinned against her after you got married, you should confess it to her. Only confessed sins are forgiven. I did tell my wife about my sins I committed before we got married.
Be careful to get counsel in an open forum, you get all sorts of opinions which leads to confusion, it better to speak to a trusted person faces to face.
Dear Lord,
Please show Lovefirst what to do and give him the courage to do it! We, his brethren, know so little but all of his life is an open book before You.
Please help him get over this rather large huddle. Please don't let the enemy take advantage of this home because of this situation.
Whatever else happens, let him clearly know what to do and how to do it.
Thank you, Father. I ask this in Jesus' name, amen.
**UPDATE**
I have known people that to alleviate their own guilt they have dumped on those closest to them. This is a form of selfishness. You may feel great after confessing, Lovefirst, but your wife will be left "picking up the pieces" of her emotions and new feelings of insecurity and "trust broken".
That is why you need to be Spirit-led.
Please carefully consider and seek the Lord.
I truly do not know your heart, your situation or marriage.
If the enemy is tormenting you with accusations and guilt, confessing your faults to another brother that is Godly and that you trust will expose the enemy's torments on you and that brother can pray for your deliverance from the accusations of the enemy. That will shield your wife and protect her emotions. You could very well create a situation that causes her to give place to the enemy.
If they are accusations and condemnation from the Enemy, confessing to a brother will help set you free from this by exposing the Enemy and bringing this into the light.
Please consider carefully. The Holy Spirit does not drive us to do things. He leads us gently and peaceably. If you feel driven, please wait on the Lord in prayer.
Demons drive people to do things that create more destruction in their lives. We are not to be ignorant of the enemy's devices/schemes.
If indeed the Lord is leading you, then it will be ok, because the Lord is always working to bring restoration in relationships.
Also, have you been delivered from the adultery problem?
A777
by Lovefirst on 2011/5/2 18:04:40If a married man commits adultrey, should he confess this sin to his wife? I commited adultrey long before me and my wife committed ourselfs to Christ.
I know that this may be a touchy subject for some, I feel it's safe to discuss since noone knows who I am.
James 5:16 (New King James Version)
16 Confess your trespasses (sins) to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.
Talk to your pastor or brother in the Lord "first" and get prayer before you go and do anything.
Confessing this sort of sin would be very hard. Has your wife asked you if you were ever unfaithful to her? If she has, you are absolutely obligated before God to tell her ALL the truth.
God hates hidden sins. Study the lesson of Achan's gold to understand the consequences of hidden sins. You may have to die to yourself in order to make the sin right with your wife. This sin was committed before God had called you and your wife, and she as well may have hidden sins that you do not know about.
By confessing your sins, you may break the bondage to the flesh in the spiritual realm as well...for the both of you. It will be a hard road, but repentance is not a smooth and easy road to follow anyway, but a rocky and sometimes hard road to travel. Better to do it while there is still daylight then to try to travel it at night. Better to die to yourself and to save your life than to save your life and lose it in the end. Better to confess your sins then for her to find out by some other means, which could cost you your marriage. It may cost you your marriage anyway to confess this sin and it may not.
If you tell her, make sure that you tell her that it is because you want your life to be right with God no matter the consequences to yourself, that it is not your intention to hurt her or to cause her any pain. Tell her you love her and that you have given your life to God in repentance before Him, and that your repentance is real and true, and that because of your repentance you confess your sins. It will be hard for her to hear these things from you, but if God is in her, she will forgive you. And as the Lord Jesus Christ has said: "go and sin no more".
God bless you and your wife and I hope everything works out for you both.
If Achan had died to himself, and had confessed his sins in deep repentance before the Lord before he was found out, he may have saved his life and those of the Israelites that died at the hands of Ai.
read:
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Joshua+7&version=NASB
Thank you to everyone who took their precious time out of their day to reply with love and understanding. Not one person tryed to bring me down in anyway.
Now I must confess to you all that I left this open to get your wisdom and suggestions before I gave all the information. As you can certainly tell, me and my wife are brand new Christians and are seeking Him but it is very different and confusing for us. I'm seeking wisdom from you all, and suggestions, for guidance and help.
I understand the enemy, he schemes and plays games, but it doesn't make it any easier for me knowing his games he will play if I don't KNOW the voice of God. It is my heavenly Fathers voice I'm wanting to know.
About a month ago I was watching a video here on sermonindex, Repentance Prophetic Word by John Mulinde, and during this I began to ask God in my heart if there was any unrepentant sins that I needed to deal with. I heard a voice tell me immediatly to confess my adultrey to me wife. I questioned the voice, thinking it was a trap, then I was advised to look it up on the internet. So I did and found a lot of people asking the same question I asked you all.
As I begin to speak to the Lord in my heart about how I was sorry for what I had done, how I would not do it again, after all it had been years. I also expressed that it was gonna hurt my wife badly and I didn't want to hurt her. I felt He told me that she may have something to confess to me and I understood that this could end our marrage. I told the Lord Jesus I was willing to do it if that is in fact what He wanted me to do. Period.
I went home that very day from work, confessed my adultrey to my wife and she confessed she had committed adultrey as well. You see, I was in the Army for years when we first got married and I was gone for long periods of time. That is no excuse but wanted to share that with you.
The Lord gave us both forgiving hearts, the enemy tried to put images in our heads of one another with other people but we rebuked those thoughts and cast ourselves on the Lord because we where at His mercy and scared. Niether of us had ever done anything like this before. Immediately we felt something lifted from our marrage, our marrage bed was healed by the Lord Jesus.
Now the question is, did the enemy set me up for a trap? I know the Lord uses everything for the good of His children. But I want to distinguish the voice of my Master and the voice of my enemy. I also wanted to share some of my testimony with everyone here. Me and my wife have only been Christians for about 5 months. In these 5 months we have, so we think, been through more spiritual 'stuff' then either of us have in our whole lives! Even now we struggle because we feel the enemy setting traps trying to take us off course, make us doubt, and stop praying. It is a struggle...
Lovefirst,
From your testimony, I do not think you need any advice from others. You recognize the voice of the Spirit, so follow Him! When he asks you to do something difficult he will always give you the enabling strength (grace) to do so.
Thanks for a refreshing testimony.
God bless!
ginnyrose
About a month ago I was watching a video here on sermonindex, Repentance Prophetic Word by John Mulinde, and during this I began to ask God in my heart if there was any unrepentant sins that I needed to deal with.
I am glad you were blessed by that message.
Oh, so you asked us 'after' you had already confessed it.
Ah, now I see. You had already heard from GOD that your wife needed to confess something herself.
Wish we had known all of that.
When He speaks that clearly - why ask people?
:)
I ask because I hear A LOT of stuff, I am trying to learn which voice is Gods... I'm serious, sometimes my mind is just flooded with thoughts, 'voices', it seems the enemy knows how to diguise himself...
If you will study John 14,15,16,17, you will see it is the Holy Spirit that speaks. He will give you ears to hear. Just ask. We can test God, but never about being tempted, for He tempts no man. If we test God, it is to build our faith, only the Holy Spirit can answer when it comes to being conformed to the Image of The Christ that is born again in you. He is your new life and the Holy Spirit is the revealer of that life. Ask for bread, He won't give you a stone.
In Christ: Phillip
Lovefirst
I have to say that the way you asked this kind of seems deceiving towards those who would be brothers and sisters in Christ. I am not saying you lied but your first post was purposely written in such a way to make all who read it believe you were honestly seeking counsel on how to move forward with your sin and your wife.
I am not casting stones just cautioning as one who has recently seen how these kinds of threads can be harmful and cause struggle in the body. I have been guilty of "leaving off" information in my posts and I see now that this is not the heart God wants or desires for His children as we share with one another.
I understand your desire to know Gods voice, getting to "know" Jesus and submitting yourself unto Him daily will go along way in helping you to know His voice.
rdg
Yes, rainydaygirl, I see your point and want to apologize for this. Here is my reasoning, even to this day I question who was speaking to me. I struggle with doubt, sometimes horrible doubt of the love of God towards me. I posted to see what the majority, and what others wisdom might be shared on this question I originally posted.
1. God mentioned to me a sin that I should confess to my wife so He could heal us and make it like it should be.
2. The enemy diguises himself and mentions something to me to seperate me and my wife. However, God almighty uses this for His glory and the enemys attempt fails.
In both of these things I know God loves me and is caring for me and my wife. However, if the second happened then I heard from the enemy and if the first then I have truely heard from the Holy Spirit.
John 10:27 "My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me"
I was still questioning if I did right, and wondering whose voice I follow.
rainydaygirl,
I applaud you for your post where you said in part to Lovefirst,
"I have to say that the way you asked this kind of seems deceiving towards those who would be brothers and sisters in Christ. I am not saying you lied but your first post was purposely written in such a way to make all who read it believe you were honestly seeking counsel on how to move forward with your sin and your wife."
Lovefirst,come fully clean with your repentance before all on this forum. Do not justify your sin with some carnal reasoning as you have.
You had some here praying for you and burdened for you and your home situation. Some took time to write lengthy posts to exhort,counsel and encourage you. There was much compassion as they took your false burden upon them to bear it along with you.
Don't go through life deceiving and manipulating,as if that is the only way you can make it by and prevent being injured. Stop being suspicious of everyone,thinking the devil is following you around or that there's a demon under every rock. Yes,the adversary does roam about seeking whom he may devour,and we are not to be ignorant of his schemes,but then again,love takes risks,and we're certainly not to go through life suspicious and therefore deceive.
Make a full confession on this forum and repent thereby.
James 3:13-18 Who is wise and adept among you? Let him show his works by an ideal behavior in meekness of wisdom.
Now if you are having bitter jealousy and faction in your heart, are you not vaunting against and falsifying the truth? This is not the wisdom coming down from above, but terrestrial, soulish, demoniacal. For wherever jealousy and faction are, there is turbulence also, and every bad practice. Now the wisdom from above is first, indeed, pure, thereupon peaceable, lenient, compliant, bulging with mercy and good fruits, undiscriminating, unfeigned. Now the fruit of righteousness is being sown in peace for those making peace.
I ask because I hear A LOT of stuff, I am trying to learn which voice is Gods...
I'm serious, sometimes my mind is just flooded with thoughts, 'voices', it seems the enemy knows how to diguise himself...
Secondly, you cannot be questioning His voice all the time; He even told Gideon on the third time, “Enough.” You also know His voice by reading God’s word EVERYDAY!! Read it and heed it.
Now finally, I say this in a good spirit toward you but also to warn you! We might not agree with each other all the time but we are a close knit bunch here on SI and we will let you slide this time but if you set us all up again like that, no one will be answering your queries and your threads will be empty. Even though you don’t think it was deception, just like rainydaygirl tried to say, it was. I hope we understand each other and will not have to have this conversation again, brother!
God bless you and I’m glad everything worked out with your wife,
Lisa
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