Unrepentant adulter

Dear brothers and sisters in Christ I need your help in prayers as I am in a very difficult marriage. I am born again and in Christ. I love the Lord with all my heart and seek Him diligently.I need your prayers for my spouse who is constantly having affair after affair. Last week the Lord revealed his infidelity yet again and I an in great distress because I love and care for him and would like to see him come to Christ. I believe in loving others and denying ourselves so that Christ may manifest himself fully and bring glory to His name and truly want to obey all his commands. I have been patient for so long with my wayward spouse and am on the verge of walking out but The Lord has spoken to me to wait on Him but I am struggling to be still and wait on Him. I have been born again for three years now (Praise the Lord) and been married to my spouse for 11 years I do not take this marriage covenant lightly and Have read,studied and meditated on his word about marriage and divorce over and over again and in context (Matthew 5:31,32 Mark 10 : 5- 12, Mal 2 : 16 1 Cor 7 : 10-16 and believe that God hates divorce and would rather we forgive others just as He has forgiven us our sins.This is the fifth serious affair my husband has had and he isn't remorseful but refuses for us to go our separate ways so he wants to carry on living with me and our daughter just to torment us and also carry on seeing his girlfriend. He refuses to talk to us except when he chooses to and constantly attacks my physical attributes telling me I am disgusting and that he doesn't find me attractive. this doesn't move me because I know I am fearfully and wonderfully made and these comments come straight from the pit of hell. I have endured his abuse and sought refuge in the Word and comfort in God but now I am so weary and have no strength to carry on and am in anguish. My husband is opening the channels to demonic oppression help me brothers and sisters to pray for we do not fight against flesh and blood but against wicked principalities and powers in heavenly places and that I may find rest and peace in Him who searches the hearts and the minds of his people. I fear and love the Lord and I know that he who loves him will obey his commands and do the will of the Father.

Hello Lindi!

My wife and I will definitely pray for you, your daughter, and your husband.

Let me suggest some things:

(1) Loving someone is not incompatible with discipline and rebuke. Loving someone does not mean (IMO) giving that person the right to walk all over you. He is at present verbally and psychologically abusive. But unless you are convinced Jesus wants you to suffer physically under his physical abuse, I'd say he may have already crossed the line ...

(2) Your alternatives are wider than divorce. Separation is a possibility too. Particularly if physical abuse is (or may be) involved. If he has threatened you physically, you may have sufficient grounds to separate even if he has nnot ever actually struck you or harmed you physically.

(3) You need to be mindful of the example you are setting for your daughter. (How old is she?) Does she get the idea that Jesus doesn't really care about how your husband treats you?

(4) Why does your husband want to stay with you? If he is really disgusted, etc., etc. why does he not strike out on his own? What is staying connected with you - what's "in it for him?" He sounds a bit like a coward to me... (from my vantage point... which is admitedly biased only a partial view). Would he be willing to see a counselor?

(5) How is your family financially supported? Does your husband support you and your daughter? Do you also contribute to family finances? If not, perhaps you should consider getting a job to support yourself and your daughter. If you do contribute to family finances, is there a way where you can avoid supporting your husband's sinfulness? (E.g., by taking out a separate bank account in your own name, etc. and refusing to support him financially in any way - up to and including buying groceries for him, preparing meals for him, etc., etc.). The idea here is - a person will continue to behave in a certain way until it becomes too costly - anything that you do that supports him means his behavior doesn't cost him. Try not to be an "enabler".

(6) Do you belong to a good church with a ministry that will support you... financially, if need be?

In Christ, who is our Lamb of God.

Mackharrell

thank you for your prayers. just thought i would address a few more of your questions. Our gal is eleven presently there is no physical abuse this due to a repremand that he was given some 3 and half years ago when he struck me and i reported him to the police. Also should he do so again he is going straight to prison plus his job requires him not to have further cautions if so he will lose his job.He is currently the breadwinner I used to work full time and i used to pay all the bills, furnishings etc whilst all he did was pay the rent. he refuses and still does to do joint family budgeting and lavishes himself with all the latest gadjets.I left my job to pursue further education and hence enhance my earning potential at this time i believe with all my heart God stepped in and caused him to support us financially so presently we are his responsibility. I have prayed many times to the Lord that perhaps I should stop university ( I have just a year to go) and go back to work or just find a way to move out yet each time God speaks to my heart to be still and wait on Him. the only evidence of why i believe God has a better plan is the provision for us through my husband because for nine years he did not really provide for us it is only when i stopped working that he started to provide. I myself can not understand why he wants to keep on living with us I am at a total loss when it comes to that.All i know is that God is faithful though I don't understand why He will not set me free at present He is faithful and knows my anguish.I belong to a church we have a voluntary part time pastor but i am not aware of a ministry at present that could give support financially as I am a full time student at the moment.Also within eight months of being born again my health was severely attacked I am on medication, and one of the effects of the illness is fatigue some days i can not even get up and have to pray for strength to be able to do anything. When i fast I end the day very very ill with the most severe headache that will last for five to six days and I lost part of my hearing and now need hearing aids to hear can not hear a conversation without them,I have lost sight in one of my eyes and other ailments . The sight and hearing are both very rare conditions which are not related at all to my illness. i was very healthy before my conversion so I know that this ill health is a test of faith yet when all these things happen I seek comfort in my Creator for where else can I go Jesus Christ has the words of of eternal life.

(edit: I just read your second post. It seems you want to stay, so below is now not applicable!! God bless you!!!)

In Jude it speaks about the sin of Sodom and Gomorrah, what was THE sin of Sodom and Gomorrah? Homosexuality and what is it called pornia. So pornia covers every kind of sexual deviation, it includes adultery, incest, homosexuality, and I would have no doubt it includes bestiality and Jesus said, “Any of those are grounds for divorce.” I’ve dealt with more than one woman who discovered her husband was a homosexual, a practicing homosexual. They’ve come to me and I’ve said, “What you do is your decision but scripturally you have every right to divorce him,” and my recommendation in most cases is that they do it. I don’t believe in being sentimental about that particular issue.

I’ve found that Jesus and the Holy Spirit are absolute realists; I don’t know whether you’ve noticed that. There’s a kind of Christian attitude, “Well, let’s say a man’s wife is unfaithful and runs around and comes back and says I’m sorry, forgive me,” you have to forgive. I say you don’t have to forgive unless you are REALLY CONVINCED THAT THEY HAVE TRULY REPENTED; otherwise I would recommend that you to not continue the marriage. I would recommend you TAKE your scriptural right and divorce them. I’ve seen that work, I know some happy marriages which came out of a situation, in a certain sense if a man is married to a loose-living woman or a woman is married to a loose-living man IF they commit adultery that can be God’s release for you, don’t turn it down!

Now, I want to be right and say, as Christians we are obligated to forgive the truly repentant and if we can be assured of repentance, thank God we don’t have to stone them as we would have had to do under the Law of Moses. We can say, “God has forgiven you, God has cleansed you, I receive you back.” But I would advise you to do it with great circumspection; and if you are, if possible I would advise you to seek the counsel of a mature, experienced Christian minister before you do it because it’s a difficult tricky area.

~ from Derek Prince;s sermon, "Divorce, Remarriage and Celibacy"

I say you don’t have to forgive unless you are REALLY CONVINCED THAT THEY HAVE TRULY REPENTED; otherwise I would recommend that you to not continue the marriage. I would recommend you TAKE your scriptural right and divorce them. I’ve seen that work, I know some happy marriages which came out of a situation, in a certain sense if a man is married to a loose-living woman or a woman is married to a loose-living man IF they commit adultery that can be God’s release for you, don’t turn it down!

___________

This is the first time I have ever heard this kind of teaching. At first reading I would be extremely cautious in thinking I can judge another heart and if they are "truly" repented or not. Something to pray about for sure.

Was thinking about this verse and how it might apply: Matthew 18:21-22
21 Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?”
22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.

God Bless
mj

MaryJane wrote:
This is the first time I have ever heard this kind of teaching.

This is from the Bible actually...

Matt 5:32 But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.
Matt 19:9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

The other side of these verses is that you CAN put away your wife/husband “IF” it is FOR fornication/adultery and marry another (without being guilty of adultery). No one talks about this side of it.

At first reading I would be extremely cautious in thinking I can judge another heart and if they are "truly" repented or not.

God bless you, MaryJane!
Lisa

Hello Lindi,

I believe your heart's attitude is pleasing to God. I have to warn you that this is an open forum and you will get all sorts of opinions and if you follow some advice given here you will be let astray. I would strongly advise to pray that God will supply some godly counselling to you - but not online.

Here are some good sermons on the topic, I know Don Courville personally, though I have not listened to these yet:

https://www.sermonindex.net/modules/mydownloads/scr_index.php?act=topicSermons&topic=Marriage%20and%20Divorce&page=0

And Keith Daniel
https://www.sermonindex.net/modules/mydownloads/visit.php?lid=1853
https://www.sermonindex.net/modules/mydownloads/visit.php?lid=4685
https://www.sermonindex.net/modules/mydownloads/visit.php?lid=4686
https://www.sermonindex.net/modules/mydownloads/visit.php?lid=17458

Thank you dear brothers and sisters for your continual prayers I will continue seeking the Lord's face. I noticed that in my original post I did not mention that my spouse is not born again he knows about Christ just hasn't given his heart to Jesus and this could be the reason God wants me remain where I am for now and patiently wait for His next instruction. To Narrowpath thank you I will listen to the threads To my sister Lysa believe me I want to run as far as I can and not stay and very much aware that one can divorce their spouse for adultery and I truly believe that waiting on God and his timing is crucial when in difficult situations sometimes we make haste decisions and these come back to haunt us. I do believe in obedience and
my prayer request is to find strength, rest and peace whilst I am waiting on the Lord.

Stand stong sister. God is with you in your desire to see your husband saved, and your marriage healed. Christ will give you the strength to endure.

I would suggest you show your little girl the scriptures about marriage, how it is a direct reflection of Christ's relationship to His bride, and that you have chosen to stand for His will. Then begin praying with her for her fathers salvation and the healing of your marriage. She need not know all the gritty details, but I'm sure she knows something is wrong.

Jason Smith
-4 years standing for his prodigal wife to come to salvation, and their marriage to be restored.

p.s. You and your family are in my prayers.

Edit: The messages listed above are quite good. I second the recommendation.
Also I recommend a couple by Voddie Baucham: https://www.sermonindex.net/modules/mydownloads/singlefile.php?lid=18663&commentView=postComment

And especially this one: http://www.sermonaudio.com/sermoninfo.asp?SID=11309913170

Dear brothers and sisters thank you for continued prayers. I am only strong in Christ Jesus and have no strength whatsoever of my own. These affairs have been spread over 13 years with the most recent one as of may this year. CyAn don't have the answers to all your questions except that he probably has a deeply rooted lust in his heart (lusts and adulteries are conceived in the heart) and pride that only Jesus Christ can deliver him from.Please pray for his salvation this is the only answer. About disease the Lord spoke to me from Hosea 3:3. Special prayers are needed for my daughter that God will protect her in all this and understands patience,strength and love just as Christ has loved his Church. I am certain that God's plan is exceedingly greater than any of us can imagine! Please do continue to remember us in your prayers.

Hidden in Christ Jesus hallelujah!

Dear sister,

FOR SURE I WILL PRAY FOR YOU!!!
Keep close to the Father's heart.
shalom,
browny

Dear sister,

I will pray for you that you hear from the Lord on this matter.

The Lord might be leading you to stand for your marriage, but you might be better off doing it from a distance. If he is actively involved in adultery, abuse, and is non repentant, then you staying there only enables him.

The main thing is that you seek God and get His mind on this very difficult situation.

Mike

lindi,

I am so sorry you are going through this.

There is a web site that is dedicated to teaching the permanence of marriage and they have forums where members can go for support from other sympathetic persons, many of whom are or were in a similar situation. If you google "Spirit of Hosea" you will find it. These people are very caring - I recommend it.

Blessings to you,

ginnyrose

Hello Lindi,

How are you doing?
Please let us know, so we can pray.

Shalom to you,
browny.

The Lord might be leading you to stand for your marriage, but you might be better off doing it from a distance. If he is actively involved in adultery, abuse, and is non repentant, then you staying there only enables him.

All great advise dear sister. I must agree that it would be the Lord's heart to protect your children. Get them to a safe place or keep him from your home. He needs to know it is not okay to continue this behavior in front of his children or you for that matter.

I was in a situation many years ago. I allowed it to go on for years as well thinking I was doing God's will. Thinking he would change. It never got better, never.

But one day I got up the courage to ask him to leave and go get counseling. I was very frightened but he actually did move out. For his sake, the sake of the children and myself I wished I had the courage to do it sooner. But I thought I was being the virtuous prov. 31 woman. It did none of us a favor by not taking a stand.

Now I see it was the godly thing to do - to have him separated from us and let God do His work in Him. And HE has. Glory to God. Actually he is now a counselor for domestic abuse.

It was the hardest thing I had to do. But the right thing and I,we will all be praying for you and your children and of course for his salvation.