Women's Dress in Church - sensual or pretty?

Hello

First of all i must state that i have in the past and still do struggle with sexual lust. That is a story in itself and even though i see some repentance in my life there is still a long way to go for purity to reign in me.

The reason i post this question on a public board is i don't trust my personal opinion due to my own struggles with lust. I could be skewing things in my heart or spirit.

What is appropriate dress in the church, church functions or for Christian women in general? I am aware of the scripture that speaks of inward beauty however i can't help notice women dressing at church functions in a way that seems to be quite sensual. I am speaking of tight form fitting clothes, low cut tops and dresses above the knees, at times mini skirts and the like which bring attention to their curves.

I do not wish to judge these women and i know i am responsible for my own desires in my heart as well as my actions no matter what women wear or act in front of me.

My only question is is this appropriate wear for Christian women in your opinion? I know it is up to the Holy Spirit to convict us of sin and obedience to God's will in our thoughts and actions and i don't wish to try and institute "the law".

I guess i am just wondering if i am way out of line just noticing they way these women dress or if it is all just my sin in my members that needs to die.

Have you tried fasting? (edited) I shouldn't have said, "tried," that implies it won't work and I know it does! I will start again.. Have you made fasting a part of your Christian lifestyle? (/edit) I have listened to a couple of preachers who believe that the abundance of food and sexual lust go hand in hand in a man (or woman's) life.

So when I say fast, I am talking about fasting from food. If you have never fasted before, start small with one meal (dinner). If one can do that, they have fasted for 18 hours. (Tidbit, if you never have time for lunch, then don't fast your lunch because that won't be much of a denial of your flesh, will it?!!)

Then you can fast up to two meals a day (36 hours) when you get victory over the one meal!! I'm just saying start small because we need victory in our live's to encourage us! And if you start out on a 40 day fast (all three meals), what are the chances of that working out for you (or me)?

Bro David Wilkerson, Derek Prince, and I'm sure a host of other preachers fasted one day a week. For years they have done this, not for a month. In one of David Wilkerson's earlier sermon, I think he said that he also fasted twice a week for a long period of time.

And whatever meal you are fasting, read the Word... do a word study on lust or whatever you want to know more about in the Word of God.

Fasting is the lost art of the church, brother. And never has the church been under more bondage to "things." (edit) See the correlation? (/edit)

Jesus did not say "IF" you fast... no, he said, "WHEN" you fast. I believe He thoroughly expected His Church to have a lifestyle of fasting. Jesus also didn't say, "IF" you pray; He said, "When you pray." Isn't it expected for a Christian to pray?!! He wants us to have a lifestyle of fasting, prayer and giving!

I believe if you (or any Christian) who has problems in their life will begin fasting (denying your flesh for spiritual purposes), they and you will begin to have victory in these areas that have plagued you for years.

God bless you brother!!!
Lisa

My only question is is this appropriate wear for Christian women in your opinion?

No.

i can't help notice women dressing at church functions in a way that seems to be quite sensual.

Other females notice it, too. If you want to make a female mad all you have to do is say anything negatively about her dress unless she is walking with the LORD. And most are not.

I am a female and struggle with disgust when one sees such undress. It is worse in the south - I think - then in the midwest. Because of it, I will limit my time in public places...but if one sees it in church, well, you may just have to withdraw and find fellowship where others will support your convictions. Still, if you really do have a serious lust problem, that needs to dealt with and other brothers can help you better then a female can.

I think the way women dress in the church does show a lack of wisdom in teaching by the church. I think it stems from society. Women want to dress comfortable and so some will dress a bit loose totally oblivious to how it affects male. I can tell you there is major lack of understanding in this. I tell my wife this all the time. It is easier for a girl to seduce a guy without trying than the other way around.

I know of ladies who dress modestly and carry themselves well as a result. It doesn't necessarily involved wearing long 'garden' dressed but maybe stylish dresses and they still have appeal to them.

I think legalistic dress like some independent churches teacher has good values as well as bad values. It keeps the ladies 'wrapped up' while also tormenting others because it is an issue of understand why and not just because 'the bible says so'. That is a cheap cop out.

I would think if ladies were more understanding of the way they dress they would use more wisdom in dress. After all, ladies are smart aren't they? Smart has to be combined with wisdom in order to be intelligent.

Other females notice it, too. If you want to make a female mad all you have to do is say anything negatively about her dress unless she is walking with the LORD. And most are not. I am a female and struggle with disgust when one sees such undress. It is worse in the south - I think - then in the midwest. Because of it, I will limit my time in public places...but if one sees it in church, well, you may just have to withdraw and find fellowship where others will support your convictions. Still, if you really do have a serious lust problem, that needs to dealt with and other brothers can help you better then a female can.

I agree with what you shared here Ginnyrose and will even go so far as to say that females(sisters in Christ) "should not" be counceling a male on how to deal with lust. This is an area that one brother should go to another brother on.

I know some will say that women don't realize that they are dressing so immodestly and that they have no clue the effects their clothes have on a young man, its not true. Most know exactly what they are doing and that the way they dress draws attention to themselves. They want that attention and have little regard for the stumbling block their behavior causes their brothers in Christ.

God bless and will pray for the OP to find some brothers in Christ to help in this situation.

mj

John,

For the interest of ladies here on SI and others who log in to read, I would like throw out a challenge to the males here on SI to share how they think a female should dress and what constitutes modesty! No debate, just share...:-) This applies to any concerned male, not just John.

ginnyrose

I think that any clothing that hugs the body tightly is warning #1. By nature ladies have natural curves and guys take notice of this. Tight clothing accents those curves and invites eyes to watch.

Watch out for skirts because they show the legs and legs can do things to a guys mind.

legs, butt, bust, waistline and the face are the key points on a ladies body.

Dress in loose clothing OR dress in a color/design scheme that causes the eyes to be overwhelmed so that the eyes get tired and look elsewhere.

Here's my take on the topic. Now days it's very difficult for women to dress modestly and in style. Jeans and a shirt is about it for guys. Can't get too crazy there without being made fun of anyways. It's far more difficult for women. My wife likes to be fashionable and has a hard time finding clothes, blouses in particular, that are not revealing. She typically buys an undershirt thing to go underneath.

I would agree that women know what they're doing, but what they know is limited. They dress a certain way so that men will find them attractive, but I don't think they fully understand the depths that it goes, or the frustration that it can cause to single men trying to live pure.

The thing is, men are supposed to find women attractive. That's the point of why God made them the way He did. So when you see a beautiful woman you want to look, which is natural. It's when you linger that it becomes a problem. When women do wear revealing clothes it makes it difficult not to linger. I think women do need to be careful with what they wear and how much they reveal. Men on the other hand need to understand that just because a woman looks a certain way and you want to look at her doesn't mean she's sinning. Someone once said that sin is a good desire expressed in the wrong way. We all appreciate beauty whether it's mountains, or people. Let's not rush to judge women when it is men that are fighting a natural inclination. And let's not excuse women who would attempt to make that fight nearly impossible.

Just my thoughts.

I think this is one of the hardest areas to gently confront people on. Thanks to feminism (sp?) most women do not want you to tell them how to dress. Also the attitude of our age is that no one can tell you to do anything or that anything is wrong. The generation coming up has a REAL problem with athority (or at least here in America and what I've heard from my friends in Canada) and that will be reflected in their dress.

I also think modesty isn't preached on anymore because many pastors are afraid of losing members. I also don't buy the "women don't know what they're doing." If your a sister talking to another siser and you pry deep enough, they almost ALWAYS know what they are doing.
Working with teen girls I have a hard time getting it across that skinny jeans are just as imodest as a mini-skirt! It is one of the hardest things to get through to them.
I like Paul Washer's wife's saying: If your clothing is a frame for your body, it's sensual and sinful. If it's a frame for your face (where Christ is reflected) it's God-honoring. That's how I determine how to dress. I think it's straight forward without being legalistic.

Brother,

The bible teaches that women are to dress modestly and are to be in a behavior that is of a holiness lifestyle. The older women need to teach the younger women and their needs to be admonition from the pulpit at times but not legalistic in laying down rules.

The problem is their will always be women and their will always be those dressing inappropriately until Jesus returns to rule and reign.

The problem that you are having by looking at women needs to be dealt with according to the message of the cross and the power of the Holy Spirit. We need to be dead to sin and alive to God. Walk in the Spirit and you will not fulfill the lust of the flesh. The only way to be free from lust is to be dead but at the same time alive to God through the power of the Holy Spirit. If you keep lust alive by stirring it up with thoughts from the flesh you will always have problems. The scripture says that they who are thinking from the flesh and minding the things of the flesh will be walking after the flesh and will not be able to please God. The only way to please God is by walking according to the Spirit.

Here are some scriptures that you need to get in your spirit and memorize them by reading them over and over until you get the revelation. This will be important to you walking in the victory of Christ Jesus. Jesus Christ is our victory.

Romans 6:1-14 (KJV) 1 What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound? 2 God forbid. How shall we, that are dead to sin, live any longer therein? 3 Know ye not, that so many of us as were baptized into Jesus Christ were baptized into his death? 4 Therefore we are buried with him by baptism into death: that like as Christ was raised up from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life. 5 For if we have been planted together in the likeness of his death, we shall be also in the likeness of his resurrection: 6 Knowing this, that our old man is crucified with him, that the body of sin might be destroyed, that henceforth we should not serve sin. 7 For he that is dead is freed from sin. 8 Now if we be dead with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with him: 9 Knowing that Christ being raised from the dead dieth no more; death hath no more dominion over him. 10 For in that he died, he died unto sin once: but in that he liveth, he liveth unto God. 11 Likewise reckon ye also yourselves to be dead indeed unto sin, but alive unto God through Jesus Christ our Lord. 12 Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, that ye should obey it in the lusts thereof. 13 Neither yield ye your members as instruments of unrighteousness unto sin: but yield yourselves unto God, as those that are alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness unto God. 14 For sin shall not have dominion over you: for ye are not under the law, but under grace.

Romans 8:1-14 (KJV) 1 There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. 2 For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death. 3 For what the law could not do, in that it was weak through the flesh, God sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, and for sin, condemned sin in the flesh: 4 That the righteousness of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. 5 For they that are after the flesh do mind the things of the flesh; but they that are after the Spirit the things of the Spirit. 6 For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. 7 Because the carnal mind is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be. 8 So then they that are in the flesh cannot please God. 9 But ye are not in the flesh, but in the Spirit, if so be that the Spirit of God dwell in you. Now if any man have not the Spirit of Christ, he is none of his. 10 And if Christ be in you, the body is dead because of sin; but the Spirit is life because of righteousness. 11 But if the Spirit of him that raised up Jesus from the dead dwell in you, he that raised up Christ from the dead shall also quicken your mortal bodies by his Spirit that dwelleth in you. 12 Therefore, brethren, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live after the flesh. 13 For if ye live after the flesh, ye shall die: but if ye through the Spirit do mortify the deeds of the body, ye shall live. 14 For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God.

Notice verse 13 that we through the Spirit are to mortify (kill) the deeds of the body (wrong desires from our flesh) so that we can live in the Spirit of God. We are to hate those lustful desires because it is sin against God. God wants you to overcome them through the power of the Holy Spirit that Christ Jesus has given us by His sacrifice on the cross. The ones who are born of God overcome through their faith in God..

I’m telling you brother the only way to be free is to be dead to your selfish desires and alive unto God and be filled with the Holy Spirit and walk continually in the Holy Spirit.

Pray through and be filled with the Holy Spirit and live above the sins of the flesh by recognizing yourself as an ambassador of Christ and refuse to live like an ordinary man.

Galatians 2:20 (KJV) I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.

Blessings to you!

I believe that there should be no rules on what a person should or should not wear...

This idea is widespread, but in the church, you might be surprised at how much it simplifies and straightens things out so that all is done "decently and in order." So many hold that a standard of dress is binding and legalistic, but it's simply a matter of principle that only becomes legalistic WHEN YOUR HEART WANTS SOMETHING DIFFERENT.

I mean, if someone is satisfied that this is modest, this is discreet, this will not cause any brother to stumble, why call it "bondage" when it's simply a godly effort to walk uprightly and blamelessly before God and man? If your heart's there saying, "Yes, this is what I want," then it's yes, an outward effect of your walk with the Lord. But again, no one's making you do it, it's your choice. HOWEVER, this is how things ought to be, I'm not claiming this is how things always are.

I found an article related to this that likens standards to battlements. Very edifying; do read it if you have time... http://www.charityministries.org/pdf/2010-03-Rem-battlements.pdf

Like it or not, every church has a standard of dress, whether spoken or unspoken; it's just a matter of how high or low your standard is. I read one book in which the author said if you have a problem with lust, it won't go away just because the ladies are covered from head to toe--all you're doing is making the imagination work overtime. His conclusion? Something like, "Therefore, you might as well not cover up so much, so they won't have to imagine so much...Remember, you're under grace and you needn't be under condemnation either!" What in the world? That's an awful twisting of God's word, using extreme cases to prove a point. Through the principles found in the Bible, I believe there is light for anyone to follow in this matter.

Hello all

As the original poster asking this questions i would like to thank you for your thoughts.

Yes i battle two issues, lust and the modesty question. Yes i am dealing with lust. I am always open to admonishment in regards to battling sin however i was focused on the clothing issue in this thread.

An example is on our last church social a woman who is a member and heavily involved in the church stepped out of her vehicle with a very low cut dress that i was shocked to see. So i spent the rest of the evening avoiding her as well as another woman as i did not wish to tempt myself.

Actually my first reaction was to bolt and leave but i realized that is not very mature especially since it was God's will that i socialize and use this opportunity to get aquainted with people i have not yet met.

I just remember thinking... has lust changed me to the degree that i cannot handle "normal" womens dress in church? Or is this clothing out of line and i should be shocked to see it?

Anyways i will operate under the belief that these women do dress immodest from time to time and it is my responsibility to continue to die to self and say yes to God so that this will not affect me as much.

Ideally i would like a safe place (the church) to not have to worry about me eyes seeing what i consider sexy attire however if i struggle with sin on a daily basis it is reasonable to believe these women do as well. So i will learn to practice forbearance, as i would wish this from them if they realized what i struggled with.

Thanks for listening.

At the request of Ginnyrose in her post,I did a search and found this article written by a brother in Christ to women.The article was on a website owned by a mother of nine.

http://www.momof9splace.com/sinof.html

If some think he's gone overboard then just throw him a life jacket.

A woman or a man needs to dress how they feel or are led until the holy spirit changes there heart on that subject or any subject for that matter

At the request of Ginnyrose in her post,I did a search and found this article written by a brother in Christ to women.The article was on a website owned by a mother of nine. http://www.momof9splace.com/sinof.html If some think he's gone overboard then just throw him a life jacket.

Wow savannah, that article was amazing! I've never read such an in depth article about different types of clothing. Much there to think about and chew on. Thank you for posting!

by savannah on 2011/5/26 15:35:34

At the request of Ginnyrose in her post,I did a search and found this article written by a brother in Christ to women.The article was on a website owned by a mother of nine.

http://www.momof9splace.com/sinof.html

If some think he's gone overboard then just throw him a life jacket.

_____________

This is an interesting read. It does go over in detail all the articles of clothing that's for sure. Not sure what to think about all that was shared as another said much to think on. I have always felt more should be taught on modesty but am thinking maybe this goes to far the other direction....praying about it though.

Thanks for sharing
God bless
mj