Have I gone overboard??

I'm posting because I really could use some help. After becoming a christian I began really praying about my clothes and the way I dressed as well as makeup, hair, you know the entire package. I began praying about things and well God just really got a hold of my heart and so I got rid of more then half my wardrobe, got rid of all my makeup, and haircare stuff and really felt the need to obey God on modesty and other issues. My husband who is also a born again christian noticed some of these changes and has been really supportive for the most part. Here is the problem my husband feels maybe I have gone to far the other way. He says since I tend to buy my clothes more loose fitting and baggy I look kind of boyish or sometimes sloppy. He was not unkind when he spoke to me just mentioned that since I stop wearing all makeup I look really tired and run down(I struggle with anemia)He also said that he would like me to pray about maybe choosing some styles of clothes that are not so plain, maybe more feminine patterns, colors, ect. He agrees and supports my conviction about not dressing in such a way that I put everything on display for the world to see but asked me to pray and consider if there is not somewhere in all the things that God is showing me that I kind find some kind of balance. Right now I usually wear loose fitting jeans that are bigger, baggy tee shirts and tennis shoes. I do keep my hair clean and combed but I don't style it or wear makeup like I use to.(mostly just a ponytail) I stopped doing my hair and makeup because I did not want to be wasting money and time getting caught up in these things. I am wondering have I gone to far, or maybe in some ways my husband is still caught up on the outward appearance stuff? I have asked him if he thinks that is possible and he said he would pray about it and consider before the Lord.

As a christian women can you go to far and make yourself so plain?

Oh my husband did tell me that he does still find me very beautiful and he does tell me this often just that he is concerned for me. Thoughts???

rdg

I would simply and humbly submit that to be a matter for you and your husband to wrestle with in prayer. Modesty can be subjective, so reaching a common standard with a wide range of believers in all areas will be difficult. One will say this is modest and one will say that, and in that, it sounds like a Romans 14 type issue (provided what Biblical commands we do have are being followed...Al Martin has a good sermon on this topic). We each stand and fall before our God. As far as your husband is concerned, I think your goal should be to please him, and if he likes you in certain things, then do not deny him that, a la 1 Cor. 7:4-5. Brother Tim Conway has a good message on this over at illbehonest.com entitled "The Battle With Sin: Passion for the World or Christ." The whole talk is worthy of a listen, but he does hit on dress in the context of marriage around minute 32. Grace to you as you seek the Lord on this.

Interesting :) We don't usually get this kind of thread usually its the opposite and its usually someone pushing the line of how far is okay to go? I appreciate this thread quite a bit. I am interested in seeing what some of the women of the forum say :)

Vulgarity, seduction, and vain extravagance, we avoid that sort of things but we don't have to look awkward, odd, funny, shaggy, or ill-dressed either.

Some jewelries maybe of use occasionally like for example dress coding related to one's job or profession.

I am a male, my apology, but I guess our concern is similar.

Maybe you could adjust a little so as not to bother nor cause unnecessary inconvenience to your love ones.

Many good points. What does the scripture tell you apart from the influence of culture? Make up is no problem, if I may speak on behalf of most men, but exposing yourself otherwise is. I would very much appreciate a woman not revealing herself to anyone but her husband. I am in sales and I cannot count the number of women who expose their cleavage and show off other parts of their bodies. Clothing that looks like they were dipped in it. These things are unnecessary temptations and once again are for the husband and no other. The sad thing is how many men come in with their wives who have dressed inappropriately. I do not expect the world to concern themselves much with this, but as brothers and sisters in Christ, we are not to hinder each other in our pursuit of Christ. I very much appreciate your concern on this issue. It needs to be addressed (no pun intended) . You do not have to dress as a man just modestly as you have said you are doing. You do not have to look like you just got up out of bed either, but considering how God has made man, is to be a consideration of all of our sisters in Christ.

A man is created to appreciate a woman's beauty but it can turn to lustful thoughts very easily if prompted by a woman who does not think beyond herself. So then it becomes the recipients cross as Ravenhill would say. So as scripture directs share with us your spiritual gifts and share with your husband that which God has so beautifully designed with your husband in mind. Thank you for posting this and thinking of us. Our sisters will not endanger themselves with the law if they just rely on what God has spoken in these matters.

Your question was have you gone overboard. No I think you are just thinking beyond yourself and I thank you for that.

ybic

rdg here is an article by Mary Kassian who is professor Woman's Studies at SBTS on "Female Beauty Matters"

http://www.girlsgonewise.com/female-beauty-matters/

Hey rainyday. It sounds like a win win situation working out the temperance of the modesty issue with your beloved husband. It sounds like health and life to your relationship.

Russell

Hi,

To start I am a man, but as Christians i believe we deal with same principals. This is one i can truly relate to. I have often felt that I am to over the edge toward legalism, but only for me and not for other people. Then in constant self examination and prayer I believe God reviled to me that I see more clearly what He wants from me. Not saying that other people don't see what God wants from them, but were all on different stages with God, our lives all look different and for some reason we try to set this universal standard by our judgments and the "words" that are in the Bible, but without truly looking to God.
The outside of the cup seems so important, but the inside, our heart is what truly matters and from that the outside will show. If you feel this is how God wants you to dress than stick firm to it. Not saying to not listen to your husband, but God trumps and your husband will hopefully understand if you know this is what God wants from you.
So if anything do listen here, but don't let people take that Godly conviction away from you. As for that "balance", our church culture has gone to such an extreme of trying to please people they think that if you go that far your radical and are judging people because your different. You seem radical because their so lax. In my opinion i don't think you've good to far at all, unless your doing it because for yourself and not for God.
I was not pointing to anyone with my comments so please don't think that i'm speaking about an individual here. I pray this helps you.

In much Love,
Joe

Hi RDG, So, so nice to see you on!!! Your are missed.

First, I see you want to do what God wants you to do. Praise Him for that. And your husband seems like a godly man as well. He asks you to pray about it, he is not just demanding. Glory to God for you both.

Moderation in all things is a good Scripture. Personally I am very aware of dressing moderately. I do wear a bit of light colored lipstick, a tad of light colored blush. I cut my own hair, due to finances, I dont wear tank tops in public, I wear long & not tight shorts to the store etc. Around friends, who are my Christian friends I wear long pants.

To me this is moderation. I am comfortable but I dont attract attention to myself. I feel I have the blessings from the Lord. I also believe the Lord wants you to be moderate but attractive to your husband and as you pray the Lord will reveal the moderation to you.

I will pray with you as well to hear what the Lord is showing you what pleases Him. God bless you RDG!

rdg,

Have I gone overboard??

Good question. I suggest you and your husband work together on this issue, but still knowing God is the final authority. I am saying this because there are husbands that like for their wives to dress like whores.

You need to know full well what the scriptures say about this issue. I suggest you study the NT first then go to the OT to get more enlightenment on this issue. Just know full well the devil will work against God on this question. And you cannot look at [many] Christians today to get inspiration for modesty. There are groups that promote it - God bless them, but the prevailing attitude amongst Christians is to dress like the world.

About color. I agree with your husband. But have some more to add. God made color so do not be scared of it. For more info, I will PM you on this issue.

There is one more thing I would like to encourage you to do and that is have you considered making your own clothes? If you decide to, you will find a whole new world out there that will challenge your creativity. There are merchants that sell sewing machines who will also teach sewing. Check it out. There are websites as well. While it may look overwhelming, do not fear - just know it is a whole different world out there that needs exploring. It is fun...I love to sew and wish I could spend all my time doing so. I love to buy fabric remnants and sew them up into girls dresses. (Remnants provokes ones creativity, hence my attraction to it.)

God bless and he will more abundantly if you feel your need for it! :-)

ginnyrose

So for those of you sister who use makeup or do your hair, do you struggle with the cost? I really feel guilty buying a small eyeshadow that is priced anywhere from nine to eighteen dollars? Or getting my hair cut when it cost thirty dollars or more. I keep thinking about all the other things that I should be using the money on. As far as my clothes go I do understand what my husband is saying and think that maybe I could still be moderately dressed and not look so much like a teenage guy...As for my hair and makeup that is where I get more confused because there really does seem to be two different groups of thought on this topic.

Anyways thanks for your input...lots to think over and pray about.

rdg

As for my hair

Are you aware of any Scripture that address the hair question?

And eye shadow - you can easily do without it! The scripture says the light of the body is the eye. Why mute it, darken it? Dark eyes reaffirms the darkness that resides in the soul!

You are asking good questions, rdg.

As far as my clothes go I do understand what my husband is saying and think that maybe I could still be moderately dressed and not look so much like a teenage guy

As a husband, I would agree with this or like to encourage you in this area. First, I want to make clear that this is not a one-way street that only involves the ladies. Both husbands and wives should dress properly so as to be attractive for both their spouse and the Lord. This modest and neat attractiveness will not normally attract the attention of ungodly people. Elisabeth Elliot had a great message one time on ladies being feminine. I really believe the message of God, the gospel, is enhanced when men and women dress simply and reflect their genders explicitly as Christ opens this area up to them. They no longer follow the culture but God's plan for how they show themselves. There is a spiritual ministry that flows out of gender identification and role. Wish I had time to write a book on this, but there are references to this in both testaments.

As for my hair and makeup that is where I get more confused because there really does seem to be two different groups of thought on this topic.

There is only one group that counts--God. If you get in his group, you will no longer need to worry what all of the other groups are trying to tell you. Continue to seek that path where your spirit is at rest with his. Meditate on the Spirit--holy, gentle, moderate, pure. He will lead you into all truth.

It seems to me sister, you have went too far. . . . When we try to be light from the outside in, this " light," becomes the darkness of the pharisee. ......... brother Frank

I didn't get the sense at all that this sister is on the path of the Pharisees. Although I can't tell, because I haven't spoken with her, there seems to be some witness of God doing a work here. The gospel and God always, always involve change. God will change us from where we are to where he wants us to be, if we let him.

Of course, I don't believe in a gospel where God is not permitted to address our clothing. I believe Christ is most exalted in the life where he is allowed to be Lord of all, the great and the small.

There is a spiritual ministry that flows out of gender identification and role. Wish I had time to write a book on this,

Sounds like this could be an interesting read, although it will likely be controversial, as it is when discussing male/female roles...:-(

"To walk in Jesus is to walk in freedom. There is a balance in all things."

There are many women in the church today that definetly do not have this problem of dressing too modestly, but on the other hand, many have gone to the opposite extreme, and to tell you the truth, they could use a little help.

My wife went for a season where she quit wearing make up, and I told her that she looked much better before.

There is a particular denomination where the women do not wear any make up or cut their hair, yet the men are dressed to the hilt. I find this to be somewhat hypocritical.

As Frank pointed out, that in matters of dress we are free, but let us not use our freedom to be a stumbling block to others. Let all things be done for the glory and honor of the Lord.

Mike

"I began praying about things and well God just really got a hold of my heart and so I got rid of more then half my wardrobe, got rid of all my makeup, and haircare stuff and really felt the need to obey God on modesty and other issues."

Bless you dear sister, for true modesty that is pleasing to God our Father is that modesty that springs from a heart regenerated by His grace alone. And though it may seem to be so much trial and error for a while, He will faithfully bring you to the balance most pleasing to Him, your husband, and you.

I went through a very similar experience of the Holy Spirit convicting my heart about the areas of modesty and submission after my conversion. A few years having gone by, I have never felt His leading as strongly and as joyfully as I do now in this and in every area. To dress immodestly/sensuously dishonors His holy name and can throw treacherous stumbling blocks before the brethren. Heartbreakingly, in our modern culture many true believers dress immodestly without even realizing it and praise God for He does look at the heart.

Still....the issue of modesty and purity inwardly and outwardly is something important and precious in His sight, just as a "meek and quiet spirit" is. So I just want to encourage you as you continue to follow Him... that you would know how loved you are, that you would keep looking to and trusting in Him and His Word. He will bring you to that balance of dressing in a way that honors Him and which avoids the pitfalls of both immodesty or of appearing slovenly.

Regarding make-up. :) In my own walk with the Lord, He has opened my heart to understand that wearing a modest amount of make-up is no more a sin than it would be to plant flowers in your front yard to make it more lovely and cheerful. It seems to me that it is not vanity to take care of our appearance since we are His temple and His representatives in this fallen world. The problem is that many attend more to their outward appearance and earthly life than their inner man and their relationship with God and His kingdom. Dear sister, this is obviously not the case with you as it is evident that your heart is seeking to please and honor Him. :)

May His love and peace compass you about as you follow Him ever onward!