When being simple is more effective in tragedy

My cousin recently lost her son to a vehicle accident. He was 12 and had down syndrome. A week later her husband ends up in the hospital with a heart attack and is currently in the hospital. My brother and I went to visit him and he has a good sense of humor.

He mentioned something to me that I found striking and yet I agree with it.
When it comes to a death how many christians give out lines such as 'God is in control' type of things. He said he gets sick of that line because he and his wife are really hurting. My brother and I are just honest with him and if we don't know what to say they we tell him that.

It makes me wonder, what do well intended christians think that they have to inject the 'God equation' into situations like this. I know the situations seem relevant but aren't there times where just being a friend is what is needed? Meeting physical needs is where the immediate is. The God equation can come in but shouldn't be overbearing.

What do you think about that? I inject little things here and there but I don't get 'in your face' with it. I stay balanced. When there is a need for prayer lets do it. When there is a need to be quiet, lets do it, when there is a need for a simple visit or a simple ear for listening, lets just do it.
Any opinions?

Romans 12:15

"When it comes to a death how many christians give out lines such as 'God is in control' type of things."

Why do Christians say this? Because it is true.

You do not know me well, but will tell you we buried a 25 YO married daughter who was a mother to two little ones. She had brain cancer or glioblastoma. And I can say with authority that God was with us and her during this entire ordeal. AND.... I see death as a blessing to the one ready to go! The grief is to those left behind. But when God is in control, he will even take care of it, if you submit to it. I promise.

My opinion based on experience.

ginnyrose

John,

I have been thinking much about your post since I first read it. Your question: "It makes me wonder, what do well intended christians think that they have to inject the 'God equation' into situations like this" haunts me, still. I answered it based on my experience. Now I would like to share another scripture.

2Corinthians 1:3-7 NASB:
3Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort,

4who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

5For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ.

6But if we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; or if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which is effective in the patient enduring of the same sufferings which we also suffer;

7and our hope for you is firmly grounded, knowing that as you are sharers of our sufferings, so also you are sharers of our comfort

It continues with a testimony:

8For we do not want you to be unaware, brethren, of our affliction which came to us in Asia, that we were burdened excessively, beyond our strength, so that we despaired even of life;

9indeed, we had the sentence of death within ourselves so that we would not trust in ourselves, but in God who raises the dead;

10who delivered us from so great a peril of death, and will deliver us, He on whom we have set our hope. And He will yet deliver us,

11you also joining in helping us through your prayers, so that thanks may be given by many persons on our behalf for the favor bestowed on us through the prayers of many.

I suggest you allow this scripture minister to you.

Now for an observation: people who do not accept the divine component in affliction will find themselves embroiled in bitterness against God for allowing it. When Christians inject the God factor in their conversations with the afflicted, rarely will this idea be a new one - it will be one they already are wondering about, struggling with. It is true some Christians are too flippant about it and that is tragic. But even so, one can learn from it even if it was not well spoken.

If one is concerned about the spiritual outlook of the victim, you could always ask him/her how they feel about this calamity and go from there - allowing the victim to express his feelings on the matter. If you have gained the trust of he victim you can minister to this heart's need.

If you study Isaiah and Revelation one will soon begin to understand that God sends afflictions to destroy people's security in things around them; that life is fragile and can easily be snuffed out. Until this becomes a reality understood, one is not ready to live - as in really LIVE!

Blessings..

Ginnyrose

Thank you for two really great posts here. I read over this thread and wondered how to respond, I see now that God had for you to do so :) Thank you for sharing this with us here.

God Bless you sis
maryjane

alreadymind

ROmans 12:15 is a gem. It is simple and doesn't require preachiness all the time. It requires something all people need, a helping hand.

Ginnyrose

While much of what you say is true there does come a line in life where in order to reach some people you can't just preach to them. You have to show them you love them first and in time the heart will open.

My cousins husband opened up to my brother and I and said he didn't like people coming up to he and his wife during the funeral and saying 'God is in control, don't worry' type of stuff. He said they aren't the ones having to carry the heart ache home and having to work through it. THe preachiness of it is what I am speaking to.

I told him that those people mean well but some people feel that they have to say something and end up putting their foot in their mouths. Even as my brother told him, He said there was nothing he could say to him because he was speechless nevertheless he call him up to talk. Same as what I did as well.

It got me thinking, does Jesus require us to preach His Name in all ocassions even if the situation might be a little awkward? I don't think so. To weep with those who weep and giving support even when it becomes and inconvience shows love.

When can show all kinds of scriptures to prove the case for the gospel but then you have to slow down. Are you really doing something for the gospel then or thinking you are? Remember, my cousins husband said he was turned off by well meaning people and yet this people probably have no idea of it. Get my drift.

In reading this thread I thought back to my own attempts to "comfort/exhort" in other's times of tragedy. I have to say that I did not always do a good job of it. Sometimes in retrospect I have been a bit embarrassed at what I said. I am sure it came off a little bit "instructional" rather than compassionate.

There is a place and time to speak the truth bluntly and in love, and I believe we really need to be sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit in times of tragedy as to whether or not it is the time to be blunt. I was reminded of Paul the Apostle's statement in Gal 2:1-3

Then fourteen years after I went up again to Jerusalem with Barnabas, and took Titus with me also. (2) And I went up by revelation, and communicated unto them that gospel which I preach among the Gentiles, but privately to them which were of reputation, lest by any means I should run, or had run, in vain. (3) But neither Titus, who was with me, being a Greek, was compelled to be circumcised:

Paul preached boldly and bluntly on the streets in many places. He also entered synagogues and colleges and debated at other places. But when he encountered those who were of stature in the community he met with them privately. His approach was different based on the audience and the circumstances. Now I believe that Paul was led of the Holy Spirit in each of these places. He was not being a respecter of persons but rather using wisdom and following the leadership of the Holy Spirit in ministry.

There is a time to form relationship aside from confrontation in spiritual matters that often opens the door so the entrance of the Gospel can be effective. There is a time to be confrontational and preach boldly in the streets. There is a time to tell a grieving person about the truths of the word of God and remind them that death is the moment it is too late for the lost and not even an issue for the saved and that they should not grieve as the gentiles do. Then there is a time and place to simply hug their neck, cry with them, say you are sorry for their loss and pray God give opportunity in the future. We need to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit to distinguish between the two.