Questioning God's involvement in my life.

I have been a Christian for 22 yrs. I have 2 children and I'm a single mom. I don't want to read my Bible anymore and prayer has always been a struggle for me. I have struggled with depression my whole Christian walk. I tried without medication at first, constantly quoting scriptures about "fear" or "depression" and "walking it out "in faith". Didn't really help. I have been on antidepressants for 16 years now, and still go through difficult times and never really overcame alot of my feelings. Has anyone ever really been healed of depression? Sometimes I get so sick of hearing people say "The Lord blessed me with this and that" and then I look at my life and wonder what I did to not deserve to be blessed also. Life alot of the time feels like I'm being continually punished

Hi Openheart,

First of all, I want to say that I firmly believe that Jesus cares for you in this battle you are experiencing.

I like how Hebrews 4:15 puts it :

"For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as [we are, yet] without sin."

One of my favourite Christian authors is Martyn Lloyd Jones and here (see bottom of email) is something he wrote in a book called, 'Spiritual Depression : It's Causes and Cures'. You may want to check this book out. Based on what I know of this author, I would say that he's very sensitive to this topic, and also very scriptural in his approach.

I know I can speak for others on this site in saying that we care about what you are going through, and most of all God cares, and I believe he wants to help you, in what you're going through :)

I believe that in the end, Christ himself, and knowing him in all his fullness and glory is, the answer to all of our difficulties. This is the journey that all of us as Christians are on, to know him more fully and to understand what it means for him to be 'our everything'.

As far as strategies, if I can put it that way, one that I've found to be helpful in terms of overcoming depression, one thing that has often turned my darkness into light.... has been to praise God, at times when in the natural, it felt ridiculous to do so. This is, of course, not a 'magic bullet' where we can praise God and then always expect to see our dark feelings vanish. But if praise comes as an outflow of our heart and the will that God's given us, then by focussing on Him and on his goodness and on his many precious promises, the feelings of depression often vanish.

As you likely know the weapons of our warfare, found in Ephesians 6:10-18 are given to help us overcome battles such as depression. The last phrase in this passage though says, "and having done all to stand". This seems to imply that there are times when we have used all the resources provided to us by God (in terms of spiritual weapons) and 'having done all these things' God may be simply calling us to 'stand'. In other words, He is calling us to rest in the faith that He is in control and holds us lovingly in the palms of His hands (despite the fact that our feelings or our circumstances may suggest otherwise at times).

Isa 49:14-16
14 But Zion said, "The LORD has forsaken me, the Lord has forgotten me."
15 "Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you!
16 See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me

An excerpt from the book 'Spiritual Depression : It's Causes and Cures', by Martyn Lloyd Jones :

"The main trouble in this whole matter of spiritual depression in a sense is this, that we allow our self to talk to us instead of talking to our self. Am I just trying to be deliberately paradoxical? Far from it. This is the very essence of wisdom in this matter. Have you realized that most of your unhappiness in life is due to the fact that you are listening to yourself instead of talking to yourself? Take those thoughts that come to you the moment you wake up in the morning. You have not originated them, but they start talking to you, they bring back the problem of yesterday, etc. Somebody is talking. Who is talking to you? Your self is talking to you. Now this man’s treatment [in Psalm 42] was this; instead of allowing this self to talk to him, he starts talking to himself, ‘Why art thou cast down, O my soul?’ he asks. His soul had been repressing him, crushing him. So he stands up and says: ‘Self, listen for a moment, I will speak to you’. Do you know what I mean? If you do not, you have but little experience.

The main art in the matter of spiritual living is to know how to handle yourself. You have to take yourself in hand, you have to address yourself, preach to yourself, question yourself. You must say to your soul: ‘Why art thou cast down’–what business have you to be disquieted? You must turn on yourself, upbraid yourself, condemn yourself, exhort yourself, and say to yourself: ‘Hope thou in God’–instead of muttering in this depressed, unhappy way. And then you must go on to remind yourself of God, Who God is, and what God is and what God has done, and what God has pledged Himself to do. Then having done that, end on this great note: defy yourself, and defy other people, and defy the devil and the whole world, and say with this man: ‘I shall yet priase Him for the help of His countenance, who is also the health of my countenance and my God’. "

Take care and God bless!

In Christ's love,
John

Depression is about anger against onself, and the world, and also about self hatred.

One needs to let the anger go. You must forgive yourself for being angry. You must forgive those that have hurt you, and made you angry. And you must deliberately stop hating whatever it is about you that you hate, and forgive yourself for hating.

And for all of this, you must ask for help from Adonai through Yeshua.

How do you forgive all this, and let the anger and hatred go? You must say so, over and over, outloud, in prayer, and in affirmation, until the forgiveness takes.

You do not have to feel the forgiveness, since this is a deliberate decision on your part, but eventually, you will no longer feel the anger, the self hatred, and the depression it causes.

It is an oddly simple set of tasks that will free you, but very hard to do without your full intent, and your continuous requests to YHWH to free you from your past, from your depression, and anger, and self hatred.

No one is punishing you but yourself, and the reasons are between you and God.

The precription drugs help you work it out, and when you are done, you need them no longer.

Work on it, every day, every hour if you can!

I know this works, because YHVH taught me about about it, then helped me use it in the same way that I pray you will use it...in earnest endevour, and with a daily passion that only Adonai can give your during the times of depression.

You cannot do it by yourself, but you can do it with Yeshua. Day by day, until it is gone.

Praying for you.

Sis, if I may say I have tangoed with depression before in fact the Lord stopped me many times from simply killing myself, literally.

I know that some may disagree but may I ask if your depression medication works? My mother takes medication for depression and without it she has some pretty rough days, maybe yours simply aren't the right kind for you.

With that aside, what lead to my suicidal state was feeling like the world was beating me down, I was alone, and I had no reason to live and no purpose to continue. The Lord was faithful to show me otherwise, we all have a purpose, we all have a meaning. I know scripture isn't something you are super excited to read but the God I serve knows how many hairs you have on your head. That's pretty personal.

Perhaps scriptures haven't been the remedy for you because you have still yet to meet with the Great Physician, who does care. I write this only today because I have a relationship with the Lord of the Universe.

I will try and keep this short and sweet knowing many will response to your hearting heart, fill free to email me if you wish to continue to talk. mguldner@hotmail.com

A good, free resource by John Piper on depression called "When the Darkness Will Not Lift:"

http://www.desiringgod.org/resource-library/online-books/when-the-darkness-will-not-lift

these are good information sharing with us