How much are you worth? Do you struggle with that? Do you struggle with self-forgiveness? Do you understand the concept but simply cannot seem to apply it in your life? And, does this hold you back sometimes from being an effective minister for the Lord? Where does that come from? Does it come from the enemy? Perhaps it comes from your dysfunction? Or, perhaps it comes from a combination of both? Is it simply the devil taking advantage of your dysfunction? We will endeavor to look at this subject and address these questions but know this, it does not come from God.
The Holy Spirit asked me to think of a particular friend, a brother in Christ. He asked me to think about if that brother came to me and confessed a fault or a sin, how would I react? Now, my genuine love and affection for this brother is such that I could not envision a scenario where I would judge him harshly if he confessed to me. I may have some hard words for him or have to give him a " word from the Lord,' but nothing would shake my love for him and my desire to see him overcome. And with my own sons, these feelings are even deeper. Now the question from the Lord to me was " If you can move with such love and a willingness, no a strong desire, to see your loved ones forgiven and restored, what does that make you think about me?"
I thought back to the source of my own particular problems with a lack of self-forgiveness. I was raised by an earthly father who, every day of my childhood, told me that I was an idiot and that was one of the nicer words. Nothing could please this man. This continued until the day I left home at the age of 16. Prior to that, I had run away a couple of times. One particular time was when I was thirteen I considered suicide for the first time. I ran out the door one January evening about midnight. At this time of the year in Scotland it is bitterly cold with a prevailing wind that blows straight out of the North. This night it was snowing heavily and there were several inches on the ground. I walked for about four miles until I cam to the top of a hill known as Lyle Hill. I decided that I would simply lay down and let the snow cover me. It was so white and pure. The grubbiness of the Victorian era town that I came from was whitewashed by the virginal snow. It was perfect by its " undisturbnesses," if there is such a word. I was the only soul out on this night and there was not a single footstep to disturb the perfect unity of the snow. This hill overlooked the town and the estuary lay below me. I saw many lights in the windows and wondered if these people were living happy lives. I lay down in the snow and it was hard to look straight up as the snow was falling so heavily, the snow indeed began to cover me. After a while I became afraid and I know now that the Lord was working in me and so I got up and made the long trek home, arriving back at the door around 4.30 in the morning. My mother embraced me and my father looked up, rather disinterested and laughed and said " I knew you would be back.' It was as if the devil himself was mocking the fact that I did not have the courage to kill myself.I tell that story, just one incident from mu childhood, to let you know that I indeed know what it feels like to be worthless. Can I tell you that it is a lie straight from the pits of hell. It is anti-christ in the full measure of that phrase.
I am in Real- Estate and it is a fact that a house is worth exactly what someone is willing to pay for it. There can be good markets and bad markets but this fundamental fact holds true, no matter what the circumstances, something is worth only what someone is willing to pay for it. How much are you worth? What was God the Father willing to pay for you? Do you know that there is a direct correlation between what something is worth and how well we take care of it? A pastor I know tells the story of how one time someone gave him a pair of sunglasses. He kinda liked them. When he came home he would throw them on the countertop. If he was playing golf and it became cloudy, he would stuff them in a side pocket of his golf bag. He often had to pick them from the floor of his car. Several weeks later he met up with the man who had given him the glasses and the man asked him if he was enjoying the glasses. The pastor said that he was and thanked the man again. The man then said to him, perhaps in case the pastor did not know ( he did not know) and the proper recognition was not coming forth ( and it was not) " You know those glasses are ," and he mentioned the name of an expensive brand. The pastor had not known but he thanked the man again. He went home and looked up the brand of glasses and sure enough, it was a very expensive pair of glasses, in fact they had cost hundreds of dollars. Now, after realizing this fact, he treated his glasses a little differently. They were never stuffed into a side pocket again. They never ended up on the floor again. Now, this is just a small example of how we treat something according to its value.
So, the question remains, how much are you worth? If your worth is determined by how much someone is willing to pay, then we need look no further than Calvary to see your worth. God the Father loved you so much that He gave His only Son for you. If the Father was willing to invest that much in you, don't you believe that He would look after you with the greatest of care and attention? If I, as an earthly father, have a heart to forgive my son or my friend and brother in Christ whenever they humble themselves and confess to me, how much more our Heavenly Father who invested everything that He had for you? If you come to Him today you will find genuine love and forgiveness from a Father who is fully invested in you and not only forgives you but forgives you with a strong desire. His is no reluctant forgiveness. He does not grudgingly forgive you out of some technicality or law, He forgives you because He loves you and you are His child. Do not let the enemy or your dysfunction or both over-rule what you know to be true. Let God smash your dysfunction and restore your heart so that you may walk in His presence and not hide behind the lie that you are insignificant. If you were indeed insignificant, then that would be a denial of Calvary itself.
And so, in conclusion, the answer to the questions. How much are you worth? You are priceless, there can be no value given for what the Lord did for you. And self-forgiveness? Please know that the Word of God cannot be broken. God is faithful to forgive you, and He is faithful because of His love for you. You have to reckon this to be so, grab a hold of and experience His love and know that if you can forgive the ones that are nearest and dearest to you and want the best for them, then Gods love for you is so much higher than this, this is not a theology, it is a reality. How real? Look to Calvary.
Postscript. My father, at the age of 49 , having been in hospital seven times for alcoholism gave his heart to Jesus. He had been an alcoholic for 30 years, had devastated his family with physical and mental violence for much of those thirty years. From the moment he laid down his life, he has never drank again. No withdrawals. That was 22 years ago. Two years after he came to Jesus, I gave my heart to the Lord at the age of 27. My dear praying mother had prayed for her husband for 16 years and suffered terribly for the cause of Christ. There is power in the Blood of Christ, He came to restore the broken-hearted and restore relationships, starting with our Heavenly Father and then all else. The waters that flow from the foundation of Christ heal everything that it touches. Some step into their ankles, some to their waists, others chest deep and some immerse themselves in the living waters that flow from the throne of grace and are taken by its current.