to the my sisters in CHRIST

M

MaryJane Oct 10, 2011

In some recent discussion that have been here the topic of modesty,beauty, and head coverings has come up. I understand what some have shared about head coverings and respect their beliefs in this area but I would really love to hear from some of the sisters in the forum what they consider modest clothing? what the LORD has showed you about makeup, hair, and even how you behave with males who are not your husband. IS it ok for females to be alone in the company of someone who is not her husband or relative? I have been told I can be "over the top"(meaning I am to conservative) in some of these areas so I thought I would ask others in the body what they are seeing from the LORD? I know that many of the brothers here have thoughts on this as well (I am sure they are good one too ) but at this time I would really like to here from the sister if that is permissible?

IF you feel lead to share, please sisters do. Let us learn and grow together in this so that JESUS might be lifted up and glorified.

God bless
maryjane

Edited

U

UntoBabes Oct 10, 2011

Hello MaryJane,

Two things here to consider.
(1) regarding others, and (2) ragarding myself.
The one regarding others have to do with the nature of men. We may say that we are today more civilized or evolved in many ways that what used to be imodest now falls under the category of modest. But when it comes to judging wether something is modest or not it has to be measured by its effect on men. Men are men. They are the same two thousand years ago and today. That means that what used to make them lust two thousand years ago is the same that makes them lust today. This part of the human or man nature has not been civilized or evolved.

Regenerate and unregenerate men are equally effected by visual lust, and it stays with them for along time, sometimes they have to battle the visual images in their mind for years.

To my shame I know that I have been the cause of lust to men before I knew these things. That is why it is very important to educate women about these things.

So, as a rule, a godly woman who knows that her body belongs to the Lord will do everything in her power to avoid stirring lust in men. It is a good thing to ask your husband or father for his opinion on wehter your dress is provocative, because for most women visual lust is not a problem at all it is easy for us to wear the wrong thing thinking that it is modest when it is not.

Also because as even saved men struggle with visual lust, also saved women struggle with competition and jelousy, so it is easy for us to copy a woman who looks pretty even if she is dressed imodestly.

As for a rule, anything that is revealing or cleaving will stir lust in men and should be avoided.

(2) Regarding myself. I have found that our minds as humans can not be crowded with the heavely and the earthly at the same time. One will have to choke out the other.
If I am spending too much time to get my hair done and getting dressed, If I am too occupied by how I look, that will in turn choke and slow down my inner sanctification.
What we do with our time has a tremendous effect on our inner life. And that goes for anything not just dress.

I have found that the beggest snare for women in churches is their competition of who should be the Proverb 31 woman.
The house of God has become a place for recipe exchange, and quilting projects, baby and bridal showers when it is supposed to be the house of prayer. I have nothing against proverb 31 woman. She was a godly woman that is to be followed. But her inner life is what attracts me most. Her mouth speaks wisdom and she stretches her hand to the poor. But these are the areas that are most often neglested about her character. In our strive to counter oppese the feminists and be home wives we can also be ensnared in another form of wolrdliness. but that is another topic. The lesson we must learn here is inner godliness that will necessarily produce external godliness.

I do not wear makeup now nor do hair dos, so I can't say anything there, but remember, if it crowds the mind or consumes the time, it is to be avoided. The Lord wants our whole mind, heart, soul, strength and if I may add, BODY for himself because it is where He has His abode.

G

ginnyrose Oct 10, 2011

MaryJane,

I wrote a reply, deleted it, logged out of SI but this question dogs me still...

All I can say in how to relate to other males is what Paul wrote Timothy: to regard the old women as mothers and the younger women as sisters. Now, how do we relate to males as sisters or moms?

I have one brother and four sons plus a husband. I relate to my husband totally different then I do to our boys or my brother: these last two I relate the same. We are blunt, to the point, don't mince words, say what we think but in a nice way...always keeping in mind to be respectful and kind. I love to interact with my brother and boys. They teach me a lot. But I love my sisters, too. All in all, I am so thankful for the mix we have in the family - different perspectives, different insights - all enrich ones life. I love that.

UntoBabes shared wonderful insights...

Some of these issues that you asked about are controversial on this forum...so I would suggest you make this a matter of prayer, asking the LORD to reveal to you His answers to the questions you asked. If you put something on, ask Him how well He likes it? Doubt? Remove it.

One time I was in Sears and I looked at a garment and the Holy Spirit said "No..." This happened three times. After the third time I said "OK, LORD...." I was never again seriously tempted to buy .....

Since I sew, the LORD also led me ....in how I should not make something...So you see, He will teach you, but you must be in expectation of it, asking Him to teach you, and He will, if you want to be taught.

My testimony...

ginnyrose

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MaryJane Oct 10, 2011

thank you both dear sisters for your responses. I really appreciate you sharing your heart with me in this area. I find it a great value to me to speak with other sisters from time to time and just listen to what the LORD is showing them. I am surrounded right now by the male point of view so it is helpful.

Thank you again both
God bless
maryjane

sermonindex Oct 10, 2011

Hia MJ. I love this verse - 1Ti 2:9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array

I think the neatest thing about this verse is the definitions of "shamefacedness" and "sobriety".

Shamefacedness - G127
αιδώς
aidōs
ahee-doce'
Perhaps from G1 (as a negative particle) and G1492 (through the idea of downcast eyes); bashfulness, that is, (towards men), modesty or (towards God) awe: - reverence, shamefacedness.

Sobriety - G4997
σωφροσύνη
sōphrosunē
so-fros-oo'-nay
From G4998; soundness of mind, that is, (literally) sanity or (figuratively) self control: - soberness, sobriety.

From these two words I feel that if we "Reverence" GOD then all the rest falls into place and a women that truly Reverences GOD, no man would think otherwise while in her presence. Those of impure motives/thoughts will back off from a woman like that, without her having to say a word. It's His Presence that they're feeling.
Godly men will treat you with respect, as a Sister or a Daughter - or a Mom or even a Grandma, depending on their age. Nothing can take the place of His presence. No amount of outward abiding by the verse above can by itself have the affect that He would prefer us all to have in this world - but Him, Himself. Without Him, we can do nothing, even in these womanly things. None-of-us and all of Him. He's the Beauty and a Shield of protection, both to us and to those who meet us face to face - not us. That's a relief and a blessing - His Presence abiding on and in us.

I've always had a problem in raising my hand in mixed Sunday school classes and such. They knew to definitely Not hand me a microphone because my throat would completely close off with the phobia of that thing. They thought it was funny, but even without the microphone, my voice would still freeze some, though I really felt that I was to raise my hand. I think if I had more practice, I may have not felt so much fear of it all.
I also have had a fear of praying with men on the conference calls and just this summer, He's breaking me in on this as well - though it's still can be tough. It was so tough that I thought to have a con-call for just the ladies - but I think He wanted me to finally get over the fear of praying with Brothers. I'm working on it MJ.
On a forum, there's no voices heard and I just feel as though I'm talking to my brothers. I have 4 brothers and no sisters in my family, so talking this way has been the most freeing experience in Christianity that I've been able to get involved in. I just see the guys here as the brothers I have in my family. It's easier that way. Much!
As far as being alone with a man other than your husband - I wouldn't and the prayer that He be the presence and not us, will keep that situation from happening. We take one step in desiring to represent Him and He begins to do the rest of it. His presence is to be desired more than anything else on this earth.
I'm smiling because I know that's how you feel as well.

GOD Bless you and all the other Sisters here. For Eternity!

M

myallinall Oct 12, 2011

Hi Mary Jane, I am so glad that you asked. I have my own struggles in this area. I am very conservative as well and often ask my husband if I am dressed modestly in his opinion. He invariably says yes but I am aware that our culture could effect his opinion. I would not wear make-up or jewelry but he will ask me if I am going to put on some make-up today or "where are the earrings." So I wear these things for him. I don't take offense at all when he tells me I look much better with make-up on--He's right!! God knows my motives for wearing make-up and jewelry are to please my husband so I feel my heart is free in this area. I often ask my husband if my spirit is meek,quiet and gentle so that he knows this is my priority. As far as being alone in the company of a non-relative male, I am very careful in this area. As I have grown in my relationship with Christ, I find I have been more and more careful about this. I wanted to speak to my pastor within the past year about an issue I was dealing with and asked for his wife to be present. I was more comfortable with that. I don't know if I am right or wrong in any of these areas but I am still growing and learning. I am so thankful for God's patience and unending grace for this little human who knows not much except that she loves Jesus with all of her heart. Blessings my dear sister, Lori

sermonindex Oct 13, 2011

Lori, Bless you. Pleasing your husband is right and anyone who would say otherwise is Biblically off.
If he asked you to go to a Bar or bad movie or anything that you know without a doubt is sin - than of course, that would be wrong.
I believe some folks would do well to read the story in Genesis 24 or about what Ester did to become Queen, under the authority of The LORD. And how do we think that Joseph looked by time the famine came and his brothers stood before Him? Things to think about and more stories from His Word that we could bring up.

If He is "all and all" to you, with a love beyond words - He is the one we are accountable before. Each will stand before Him 'alone', on that day, and give an account for what we've done and who we've kept out of the Kingdom and who we've brought in.

Bless you.

Edited to add: I shut everything down to call it a day and the feeling came that I should clarify my post.

I am not saying that if a husband wants his wife to dress "immodestly", that she should. I assume that Lori knew what I meant when I posted to her.
Moderation in ALL things. If a lady is pale as a ghost and her lips are skin colored too and her husband only wants her to look healthier - well, if he's not asking her to look like a TBN wife - I see no fault in that. Some women are pale in skin and lips, but that doesn't mean they need to go buy dark or that wet looking lip junk that you see on those anchor women on that filthy FOX News station. (I haven't watched TV in almost 20 yrs - but see it at my Dad's ):

I live in a Senior housing community. My neighbor introduced me to a old guy in the building next door. He was saying that he was 3 things - "A Jew, a Democrat and an Atheist." My latest next door neighbor got shocked and said, "Don't you know what she is? - She's a Nun." [There's quite a few retired nuns here.] Well, I laughed and told her I'm a protestant and told him - "You can't be a Jew and a atheist at the same time." .... all that to say that I'm not out here looking like a Babylonian.
An unmarried woman needs to face off with GOD alone, with how she wants to appear to the world and to the Brothers in Christ as well. We need to have that encounter with our Heavenly Husband so that our ears are always available to whatever He'd direct in our lives.
I believe we are all called to different walks for differing purposes and a lot depends on who He wants us to reach and what country He calls us to.
I would never go out without a wedding ring on, no matter who told me to take it off - though I love and respect my sisters who don't believe in wearing one, but knowing how people think - they do look at the left index finger and do get the wrong idea if you say you're married but they don't see a ring.

To spend much at all on anything worn, would be wrong. What we call "our money" is not 'ours'. I don't even believe in buying cloths at stores neither, except for under garments. Second hand stores when cloths are 'needed' are great or making your own. Too many people are starving in the world and in great need of Christian literature, missionaries and ministries.

Bottomline of all that I want to end on, is that I will not judge a person by outward appearances unless their outward appearance is obviously to seduce or could cause a Brother to stumble. That's it.

J

Joyful_Heart Oct 13, 2011

Personally it has never been an issue with me on how I dress. I like jeans and tennis shoes actually with some sort of blouse or top. Nothing revealing or tight. I wear some light lipstick and a tad of blush. I wear small earrings and a nice sized diamond ring on my marriage finger, from my family, as Christ is my Husband and it shows I am not available but already spoken for.

For me it is important not to bring attention to myself so when I share Jesus the person is listening to what I have to say about Him and not looking at what I am wearing whether it be revealing or the opposite. That is really what is important to me. To be able to take people to Jesus with out bringing any kind of attention to myself.

Love you all my sisters!

Sheri

J

Joyful_Heart Oct 14, 2011

PS

To clear anything up I want to say I find no fault with anyone for their convictions to wear a head covering. None whatsoever. May the Lord continue to be lifted up and draw all men unto Himself and bring glory to Him. Much love and prayers to all my precious sisters.

A

anna_h Oct 18, 2011

This may be slightly off topic. I was speaking to my pastor recently on modesty and he suggested that I should try to be careful not to dress in a way that my husband won't find me attractive, thus be attracted to other women instead of me. So, while modesty is important, he says that being attractive to your husband is more important as long as you don't look overly sensual. (He might have noticed my recent efforts to dress more modestly) What would you respond to this situation?