Blessings, dear Brother Reformer.
I don't know if anyone has noticed, that every time in our Bibles that a man of GOD went through 'something' - that he would come out the other side "deeper still" and humbler still in our mighty GOD - realizing that it's His Righteousness that He desires to impart and 'His' fruit abides/lasts.
Sometimes we make our ministries or something or someone else "our righteousness".
The Righteous man stumbles 7 times but GOD lifts him up [he gets up every time].
You do love The LORD and there's not a question in our hearts that you do.
You are human like the rest of us and sometimes, we need something to prove that to us - not that GOD is ever the author of sin, but He 'uses' All things to work HIS Image into us and know that it is nothing of us and all of Him. He Must Increase, as we decrease.
"No confidence in the flesh".
We don't decide to fall to test GOD, but it is a test or contest of sorts in the heavenly battle between GOD and His enemy and us. We should always be praying one for another for that reason, in our love for His Church - His Body - all of us. Let he that thinks he stands take heed lest he fall.
In this message below that Jeremy posted, there's even a funny part in it by Art Katz that I enjoyed last night. I hope the message of what is in the heart of GOD, on HIS Righteousness, will come through this, if you have time to listen to the whole of this message. It's priceless, I believe ...
https://www.sermonindex.net/modules/mydownloads/singlefile.php?lid=21416&commentView=postComment
Isa 1:18 Come now, and let us reason together, saith the LORD: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.
The LORD Bless you and Keep you. We're praying 'with' you.