Hey Lindi1208,
I understand completely where you are coming from as I am in the same situation. For me I am stuck betweem a rock and a hard place! But this has been good because under this pressure the Lord has helped me to grow so much! I am called specifically to be both in an extremely religious church and I am also part of aSpirit filled church with some sketch beliefs. Allow me to take explain I hope this will encourage you!
With me where I am from the church is really against anything remotely having to do with the Power of the Holy Spirit. It is very conservative and religious. Faith has been rules and regulations. I grew up in this church but everything changed for me very quickly after the Lord saved me and Baptised me with the Holy Spirit! It was like a veil was lifted from my eyes and I could see how desperate the situation at my church was! Of course just having eyes opened to the spiritual turmoil made me react very strongly to a lot of things and I said and did things that may not have been the wisest though it was with good intentions but the Lord was faithful through it. It has been really hard to stay in the church because so few people understand and I am judged a lot. The hardest part is going to service on sunday's I shiver at that it is greiving to my heart that sometimes I cannot bring myself to walk in. I stay in the prayer room and pray. That being said there are also many who truly hunger for more of Christ and God has used me to encourage them. They are really into Reformed movement Its really bad because I feel so stuck but I also want these people to be FREE!
NOw around this time I also started Post Secondary Education! I was looking for a good Campus group and soo went to every single one. I walked into one and I just knew tht GOd was there! I felt a unity! I was a bit taken aback that everyone was speaking in tongues and I didnt think they should do it in public so much but I knew that they were brothers and sisters. It is this fellowship that has been such a source of encouragement, confusion and frustration! On onehand I saw for sure that there people had the Spirit of God in them and hearing their testimomies is so encouraging! they go evangelizing 4 days a week and love to worship and pray! We have all night prayer meetings every friday night!
I loved it I could be free to worship the Lord so decided to overlook tongues though I did talk to the leader about it.
However things started to become confusing as I started to become more invovled! The group believes a lot of doctrines that are questionable. They are very Charasmatic and very influeced by the prophetic movement that is stirring (ihop soe WOF stuff mixed in to)
This really turned me off and made me not want to be a part of the group anymore however, I knew so many believers in there that I enjyed sweet fellowship with!
I prayed a lot and was angry and frutrated and confused!
I was stuck I did not quite belong anywhere!
But God has been giving be strength in this
I used to question myself and wondered why I was so alone!
I believe some stuff from either side and see the good and bad.
There were times when I would give up but I knew the truth that God was showing me! and I came to conclusion that I just need to speak what God has shown me! this has given me much freedom and joy!
God showed me something that needs correction and in order to be able to change these things I need to be able to OPEN MY HEART to both these people and love them while speaking truth! The BIGGESTEST temptation was to withhold my heart from these people but it was the ONE THING that God wanted me to give and that was needed
SO with one group I talk alot about the Holy Sprit and with the other I talk a lot n sound doctrine to go along with the Spirit.
As I open my heart to these people and talk to them I found that it works WONDERS! I have seen God work in it! and i know that I need to open more of myself an be bold to speak more truth in order for the body to be completely restored.
hope this helps
IN Chist
Evangel