Is there one perfect partner for each of us?

Hi Liz and welcome to SI. I believe there is more than one perfect partner for any of us. Perfect being defined as someone who will drive you to Christ by making you wish you were dead. If the first one doesn't work, the second or third or fourth... will. 8-) Chin up, Little Darlin, you've come to the right place for help. Love, Dian.

Ok Lizzie, that first post was to get you smiling. But seriously, my personal experience, having been married twice now, is that God is after my heart. He isn't trying to give me a dream life, but rather, he is trying to lead me down the narrow path that leads to real life. And by his own words, it is a tight squeeze and it will cost you your life. And not very many want to go down this path because it is painful to lose your life, very, very painful, but oh so worth it! I don't know what your status is now, but I know that the temptation here is to look for an easy road. Just a word of advice, if it looks easy, it probably is the wrong road. God is looking for a few good men/women who will pay the price. Are you game? Love, Dian.

The wonderful thing about God's ways is that He can redeem things. If the heart is repentent we shall find that God's 'second best' is 'second' only in regards to time; it will still be 'best'.Then I went down to the potter's house, and, behold, he wrought a work on the wheels. And the vessel that he made of clay was marred in the hand of the potter: so he made it again another vessel, as seemed good to the potter to make it. (Jer 18:3-4 KJV)That's our God; He made things... again AND another... That's not repair, that's redemption!

Then I went down to the potter's house, and, behold, he wrought a work on the wheels. And the vessel that he made of clay was marred in the hand of the potter: so he made it again another vessel, as seemed good to the potter to make it. (Jer 18:3-4 KJV)Ron, this is a quote from a thread I started just a few days age ("Confused")I have been meditating on the story told in Jeremiah 18. God tells Jeremiah to go down to the potter's house and there he witnesses the potter working on his wheel. The vessel he was making turned out to be flawed, so he pushed it down into a lump and started over. This is how I feel. My thinking was wrong, so God has started over on me. That's our God; He made things... again AND another... That's not repair, that's redemption!This is exactly what is happening in my life. So you see, Liz, God is like the floor, if you fall down, you're going to run into him. :-o What a relief! What an awesome God! Love, Dian.

Yes, it's easy sometimes to get your eyes off of what really matters in this life, this Christian life. It doesn't help to be influenced by anything or anybody that paints this romantic picture of how things are supposed to feel when the right person comes along. And you know, I think that's the key that's going to keep you out of a lot of trouble - not living by feelings. You have to, have to live by faith to survive as a Christian; the set apart, godly Christian God wants you to be. You do need to be complete in Him. And I think we all, that being the single Christians out there, need to be willing to sacrifice anything to do the will of God, even if that means the dream of getting married and having a family someday. If God can better use you to serve Him single, then so be it!I personally feel that as a Christian, the person you plan on marrying, better be someone who draws you closer to the Lord, not themselves, and who you could serve the Lord with. If you feel your heart being divided between getting closer to God, and getting closer to this person, man, get out of there! It's so not worth it! Nothing is worth a hindered relationship with God - nothing!It's God's love for us that makes us willing to live by faith, not by sight, feelings or any other personal comforts. You have to be heavenly minded and have an eternal perspective to be content with whatever life God has planned for you! So keep giving everything to Him; your praises and your heartaches. He is a very faithful and loving God who is truly sufficient for all our needs!

I like Ron's answer about redemption. We often (I'm talking to myself here too)think that God's up there somewhere watching us and when we mess up he says to one of the angels , well they messed that one up now for plan "b".But that's not at all what God's like.In respect to our lives it's as if He was in a balloon high above a parade and could see the start and finish of that parade , all at once. That parade is our lives and He see s the whole of our lives from begining to end. In Matt6:33 that is to be our proirity in all we do. So you're assignment is to know the precepts of God's word that govern relationships between male and female and be able to honor The Lord Jesus Christ in your application of them in you daily life. I believe that some things, marriage being one of them, is a very personal matter taken up between the individual and God, unless of course you live in a culture where marriage is pre-arranged, and even in that God is sovereign and has all things in His control. So that said, and I know it's not really the answer you're looking for, I believe you have a responsibility of closeness to Jesus to have settled in your heart for yourself your questions, for the best any of us can be is some sort of outside observer into your life. I will pray that God gives you wisdom and discernment in the knowledge of His will though, God Bless---Bro. dkmiller

And I think we all, that being the single Christians out there, need to be willing to sacrifice anything to do the will of God, even if that means the dream of getting married and having a family someday. If God can better use you to serve Him single, then so be it!Thanks YodiThis is such an important aspect of this whole issue. We had a wise old principal at the Bible College I attended who was sensitive to the fact that some arrived with a view that the college was a kind of spiritual dating agency. He used to say, keep it simple, your priorities are... salvationservicesweetheart...in that order.The dangers in our modern world view is that the latter becomes the obsession.

This is such an important aspect of this whole issue. We had a wise old principal at the Bible College I attended who was sensitive to the fact that some arrived with a view that the college was a kind of spiritual dating agency. He used to say, keep it simple, your priorities are... The dangers in our modern world view is that the latter becomes the obsession. This is exactly what happened to me. I was believing that lie long before I got to college. I went there when I was 17 and it didn't take me a month to meet someone. I married that guy within a year (having entered the relationship in sin). We were married for a very troubled 19 years, then divorced. Then, I repeated the same mistakes. Now, God is having to "fix" my heart while I am married. It's actually harder, I think, than allowing him to do it while you're single. I have a 26 year old daughter who lives in an apartment in our basement. We talk about it all the time. God is righting her heart before she marries (if she marries). She has only recently begun to surrender that dream to God. Oh, to know then what I know now. Love, Dian.

Now, God is having to "fix" my heart while I am married. It's actually harder, I think, than allowing him to do it while you're single. I have a 26 year old daughter who lives in an apartment in our basement. We talk about it all the time. God is righting her heart before she marries (if she marries). She has only recently begun to surrender that dream to God. Oh, to know then what I know now.Dian, the Potter is very much at work in you. Taking this back to the earlier comment's from Ron;The wonderful thing about God's ways is that He can redeem things. If the heart is repentent we shall find that God's 'second best' is 'second' only in regards to time; it will still be 'best'.Then I went down to the potter's house, and, behold, he wrought a work on the wheels. And the vessel that he made of clay was marred in the hand of the potter: so he made it again another vessel, as seemed good to the potter to make it. (Jer 18:3-4 KJV)That's our God; He made things... again AND another... That's not repair, that's redemption!All these things and ...but God meant it unto good. Not fond of mis-applying verses out of context, but the principle is the same...Hmmm, ever notice how much RE there is in scripture? re-pent, re-demption, re-store, re-turn, re- JOICE!All the things that happen are, and here's another, re-cyclable in the Lords economy. Have often mused on "Oh, to know then what I know now" as well, fact is you didn't then, neither did I nor any of us. But the great gain is that now God can use all these things to show by experience what HE alone can do in and through us for others to glean from.Which is more likely to gain an ear? Someone waxing eloquently about the dangers of drug abuse who has never touched it in his life or some ragged addict brought back from within a hairs breath of the grave, cleansed, re-stored, filled with a new life, the Holy Spirit, giving glory to God?Have had some parallel experience here as well. Though my former mate and I were most certainly living in sin* being "unmarried"... (Need to interject this now; *Weren't we all "living in sin" regardless? Always thought that was rather clever how it got applied mostly to co-habitation...)All that went along with a 'regular' marriage was ours. Raising a kid, (hers), all the regular domestic thing's... As far as I was concerned and used to say, "everything but the certificate".After 7 years of pouring out my life into that relationship, 'our family', it came to an end. And again as far as I was concerned I went through a divorce. Made more painful by the fact that we weren't 'married', it was considered a 'break-up' while the very fabric of my being at that time had been ripped out of me.Here's the point I would like to make in regards to all of this discussion. Not all of us males are totally self-seeking, ego driven, "____" (fill in the blank). Realizing that usually it is the more heart giving persuasion of our sexes that are effected in a way that is more deeply felt, in essence we can can end up giving away a part of our hearts that we can never get back. Without the Lord in my life I would have continued on down that same path of destruction, looking for something and someone to fill that aching gap where another chunk of my heart was missing.Again, not out of context, but in principle:"2Co 8:5 and this, not as we had hoped, but first they gave their own selves to the Lord, and to us through the will of God. All of Paul's exhortations in regards to marriage are well to be heeded and there is just as much that seems to be misconstrued by many in adding a dose of pop psychology. But the admonishen to not be unequally yoked could not stand out any stronger in my mind.Another personal illustration. My first girlfriend of those teenage years was brought up in a Baptist home. The 'girl next-door', OK two doors down actually. We were together for about 2-3 years. But I will never forget how she would say that she loved the Lord more than anything, including me. And being the pathetically emotional romantic that I was and not really a believer, I just couldn't understand it, nor frankly accept it. Would try and convince myself and her that it was a 'different kind' of love, and in one sense that is true. But the point was she meant it, truly! ..."Oh, to know then what I know now."...There are no guarantee's regardless as some of us married folk can attest and as Paul states Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that. At the same time our Lord also said "In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world." Either way, "trouble" ...just different flavors, and perhaps severity. God knows what is best for each of us and has promised to give us the desires of our hearts. Think that if "we seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." Not only that but as our heart's get changed our desires change as well, merging into Gods desires. How can He not fulfill that?As I leave my little soapbox had this last thought, especially for you Dian;Testimonies are God's trophy's.

Thanks YodiThis is such an important aspect of this whole issue. We had a wise old principal at the Bible College I attended who was sensitive to the fact that some arrived with a view that the college was a kind of spiritual dating agency. He used to say, keep it simple, your priorities are... salvationservicesweetheart...in that order.The dangers in our modern world view is that the latter becomes the obsession.Yes, the desire to get married used to be an obsession of mine, starting at age 18. I don't think it was until this last year that I finally realized that the dream of marriage was a god in my life.Salvation for me was at age 12 and though I've been involved in service throughout my Christian walk, I would have to say that the service God has so graciously given to me of recent is something I would be quite content to do the rest of my life instead of marriage.This young lady who has been married for a few years mentioned something this past summer that was so true - everyone wants to be loved. And that's why I think people get impatient about waiting for God to bring someone to them. Or some people have been so scarred with a broken heart, that they build these walls to keep out anyone whom they may be tempted to open their heart to and love. You can't do either, I believe. There has to be a balance. And something I learned this past summer that was revolutionary to me concerning love is that as single Christians, we don't save this love for our future spouse, and treat everyone else who doesn't qualify as a potential mate like dirt. That's so wrong! That's not God's love! As for me, after going to the Ukraine this past summer, God opened up my eyes and showed me that there's lots of people in this whole entire world that need to be loved, not just the future husband I hope for. So I need to be loving now, not in the future. I need to love my parents, my brother, my friends, people who irritate me, non-Christians, my co-workers, etc. So that hole that was once there, God filled. And He led me to use the energy I was storing up for marriage, to pour into the orphans in the Ukraine, and then to my parents, to my unsaved brother, the people I work with, the homeless in the park, the pastors and leadership at my church, and anyone else God would put into my path. And to find someone to serve is one of the most spiritually fulfilling things you could make as a part of your daily life!