Welcome to SermonIndex, Nepeta.
I too was not always a Christian. My Grand-mother was raised Jewish and my Grand-father was a non-practicing Catholic.
I believed in GOD from a young age and believed very much in Jesus, for a reason I can hardly explain.
I was raised for 10 yrs with my Grand-parents and there was a very old picture of Jesus sitting on a rock at night time, over-looking Jerusalem on a mountain, that hung on my bedroom wall. All I remember is just that picture somehow made me to believe in Jesus.
The problem was, as I came to be about 10 years old, I was very aware that I was doing wrong things. I grew up too fast because of what my home-life had been like and though I believed in GOD and that Jesus was probably GOD, I didn't know how to stop doing the things that I enjoyed doing that I knew were wrong. I even told Him that I knew what I was doing was wrong.
It wasn't until I was 23 years old and after a very bad life of doing everything wrong that people can do, that as I flipped through the channels on the TV and stopped on a man that was explaining that I "could be forgiven and that Jesus, Himself, could come into my heart/life and change me." The man said, "If you want to be forgiven and be changed, pray with me."
Well, I surely did and He surely did.
As we look back from the beginning of when GOD created man, we see that man has never been able to do what is right. Adam and Eve first did the one and only thing that GOD asked them not to do.
People ask, "Then why did GOD put that tree in the Garden with them?"
GOD did not create us to be His robots. He desires to have our love by our own decision. There has to be a choice made and if He didn't give us a choice - we would be robots.
Next we see Adam's son kill his brother.
Further on we see that mankind gets so bad that GOD had to have Noah build a huge boat for himself and his family, because the entire population of the world had mingled with evil.
Next, GOD gives these Laws after He called Abraham to be seperate from those doing evil. Moses brings these laws to the people but the vast majority don't understand what GOD is really after. A few did understand and were called His Children and His wife, even in the Old Testament.
All through the Old Testament, all of the Feast Days and sacrifices and Temple articles were designed to point to that day in the future when GOD Himself would become a man to take the sins of the world and to show mankind what He is truly like, because He loves the humans that He created.
We see in the Old Testament how the prophets wrote about how this God-man would come and why He would come and what He would do while on earth and those that loved Him back then, looked to the future for that day and trusted Him to come one day.
Nepeta, it's all about Love - His Love for His creation and His desire to be joined to His creation and be 'one' with them.
He can't be one with us when we're filthy from the terrible things that we've all done - but He loved us enough to come to be the living sacrifice for our sins and promised to indwell those that would look to Him for forgiveness and to be cleaned from our pasts. When this happens to us, a love that we've never felt before comes into our hearts and such Thankfulness for being cleaned and forgiven and that love for Him makes us want to know Him more and more.
When He comes into us, we read in the Bible that it is called being "born-again". I know that is what happened to me. I was no longer the same person. The more I learned from Him and of Him, the more I wanted to please Him, as a wife wants to please her Husband that she loves so very much.
What makes it different than the Old Testament days, is that now GOD indwells/lives inside of those that have put their trust in Him completely - to forgive and make us what we truly know inside that we should be - but didn't have the power without Him to live that way, without Him living inside of us. And little by little we are being changed even more.
It is the greatest love story ever told. It is super-natural. That He Who created all things would become a human being like us, so that we can never say that He doesn't understand what it's like to be just human.
And then for Him to die for us - to offer us Paradise With Him is beyond our understanding - but we surely do believe it, now. Such love He shows us by His life. What incredible joy to have met Him - Thank GOD, He made it possible for all people, He just asks that we seek Him for these things that He has done and will do in us.
He loves you Nepeta and He wants to come into your life as well.
We'll be praying for you that you'll meet Him soon, too.
His Everlasting Love and Peace is what we pray for you.
Look only to Him.
Amen.