Coming out of brokenness

You all please excuse me for talking alot today. I feel like the son is shining on my face for the first time in such a long time. Anyway... I wanted to share something that is a bit humorous- but serious all together- and is written in all honesty from my heart today on my journal:Warning:To all those who have been asking God to break them, to devestate them, to crucify their flesh, to do whatever it takes to get them where He wants them to beplease consider the consequences very carefully!He WILL take you at his wordand He WILL do WHATEVER it takes and it will be the things you least expect and it will rip and grind and feel horrible. And if it hasn't felt that bad yet and you think you're broken- think again.Only you can decide if you want to go all the way with God- to lay it all down.I will let you know here soon, if it's worth it. I think it is but I am waiting for the dust to settle. :)Bruised and broken, but coming around...... :-) In His love, Chanin

AMEN!

I will let you know here soon, if it's worth it. I think it is but I am waiting for the dust to settle. :)It IS worth it Chanin, whether you see it now or "later"...........This scripture came to mind as I was reading your post:Rom. 8:18---For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. For the earnest expectation of the creation eagerly waits for the revealing of the sons of God.............and verse 24-25: For we were saved in this hope, but hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one still hope for what he sees? But if we hope for what do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance...... Love and blessings in HIM, Cindy

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way, when sorrows like sea billows roll; whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say, It is well, it is well with my soul. Refrain:It is well with my soul, it is well, it is well with my soul. Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come, let this blest assurance control, that Christ has regarded my helpless estate, and hath shed his own blood for my soul. (Refrain) My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought! My sin, not in part but the whole, is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more, praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul! (Refrain) And, Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight, the clouds be rolled back as a scroll; the trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend, even so, it is well with my soul.

While I am posting verses from A Mighty Fortress Is Our God...Chanin, this one's for you...That word above all earthly powersNo thanks to them (devils), abideth;The Spirit and the gifts are oursThro' Him who with us sideth.Let goods and kindred go, This mortal life also;The body they may kill; God's truth adideth still,His kingdom is foreverYou, my Dear Sister, are going to make it. God has deemed it so and he will never fail you. Love you. Dian.

I guess I should have titled this thread "Brokenness- again". Maybe I'll change it. :-) Thank you guys for your comments and encouragement. I actually already went through a major brokenness period about 3 years ago, where God stripped me of everything I was used to and broke down some major strongholds in my life. It was a long year that year. Just a slow chipping away that was slow and agonizing. I had to let go of self-image issues and hidden heart idols. I had to learn to surender everything to the Lord. My family thought i was completely nutso.So, now that it is 3 years or so down the road, I thought my biggest brokenness had come and gone and from now on it would be a little crucifying here and there, a little shaping, a little molding, a little refinery fire from time to time.I did not expect to go through a huge brokenness period again- not like this. That's why I say in my first post "if you thought you were broken before and it doesn't feel as bad as what I've described- think again".But actually as I was going through the first brokenness it DID feel that bad I guess. maybe what I am trying to say is that God doesn't always stop at one wrestling match like He had with Jacob, sometimes it is more like the Joseph- first He was thrown in the pit by his brothers- then he was sold into slavery- then he was thrown into prison on false charges, etc.....I think the first brokenness that i had was the most important one. It was the one where something didn't HAPPEN to me to bring it about. I heard the Lord calling me to surrender to Him all my idols and my whole heart. I knew it was time. And i layed myself down on the altar at my own free will. Yes, i did struggle inside alot like Jacob wrestled with God, but of course I know I had no choice but to let God win.But of course, even during this first brokenness and after, I have continually asked Him to do whatever it takes to refine me more and more. To make me "more of Him" and less of myself.That's where you wonder, maybe i should have stopped after the first time :-) , no I am not serious, but because I am still feeling the heat, it is hard yet to say ok, this feels so worth it!But I do have trust that it will be! Most of me knows this and totally believes this, yet a small part of me is just not there yet. Hasn't recovered yet, I guess.Any of you who have been through brokenness before, I am just warning you that it probably wasn't the last time. :-o But I keep this little note on my desk:When we choose the pathway of brokenness and humility we are choosing to receive NEW LIFE- His supernatural abundant life- flowing in us and through us. N.DeMossAmen!In His love, Chanin

Hi Chanin,I hope that you are liking what the pot looks like? It is good to see more of your little lamb, was wondering what happened, had thoughts about a Lars syndrome. :-(

Zeke, :-) You know what?! I cannot tell you how many times last year that I got offended or hurt or whatever and said "well, I guess I'll just never go back on there again!" and every time the Lord said "No, you surrender yourself, walk in humility, give up the right to be right, apologize for your heart attitude, even if you think you're right" and so I did- time and time again :-) And you know what?, I am so glad I did. It has helped me grow in "forbearance" and humility and patience- all the fruits really. I have to say it is/was the best part of SI for me.So, no, if I leave or take a leave of absence, it is not because I was mad or offended- that is not a right reason. Yes there are different seasons and things the Lord takes us through where we must leave for awhile or for good.I am glad to back though, for however long or frequent the Lord allows. :-) In Him, Chanin

moreofHim wrote:You know what?! I cannot tell you how many times last year that I got offended or hurt or whatever... I did notice that in the heat of discussion and debate. The fact that people do'nt really know me on here, dulls the offence barometer, how can you get offended with someone who in many cases is ten thousand kilometers away. I know you can pick up the spirit of a person by the way they write etc. but they only exist as a cyberperson. I know this may go against the many utterances to the great fellowship we have on here, but it is only a small part of our lives. I think that is one of the things I am aware of, is that I can appear to be someone I am not, because all people have to go on is the words on their screen. I also realise that you are only as open as you want to be, which is also great.Philos vulnerability a while back after how long of being on here is a testimony to that fact. I suppose its just that, we become vulnerable and share our hearts in the safety of this world knowing that we most probably will never look the people in the eye who we have maybe shared the most intimate of details. In saying that though, putting our theological positions out on a public forum can sometimes feel like we are taking an exam and our failures posted for the whole world to see. At times the markers can really use allot of 'red ink'.:-D I'm rambling or should I say ambling.Stay fixed on/to the crossGod bless you,

but they only exist as a cyberperson.I suppose this is true for some, but I hope it isn't true of me. I'm striving to be as real right here as I am with my friends who are present with me. And I'm praying for some of you as if you are "real". I hope it's real. If it isn't, why am I wasting my time? Paul, are you real there in Netherlands? Mike, are you real there in California? Chanin, I know you are real. And I'm really praying for you, too. I suppose we are under a handicap of not really being able to hold one another accountable and break bread together and such...you know, share lives. Like you said, my life, to you, is just these words I'm typing onto a screen...makes me wonder if my time would be better spent elsewhere.

Dian,as far as it goes with me, I hope and pray I am all about being real too. No needless pious words or pretending to be something I'm not. I fear that. Actually if I do that in any way, I get convicted right away. (and yes, I've had to repent) My "pet peeves" are spiritual pride, pious talk with nothing to back it up, phariseeical(?) behavior. I think I will be one of the first ones to admit right along with you that i don't have all the answers and If i tell you I do- then I am lying. :-) As followers of Christ, i believe we are to make ourselves vulnerable and available, to wear our hearts on our sleeve. We are to become approachable- at least that is what I want to do. I can usually tell after a very short time, if people are being real or if they are putting up a religious front. I think it is our responsibility as "real" ones to make it easier for other to become real too :-P Just like Paul said on his journal:"I don't want to present you theology...I just want to share my life. I don't want to share nice Biblical stories...I want to show you Jesus.I don't want to speak out of myself...I need Jesus to give me words.The letter (read: words only) kills, but the Spirit gives life!Christianity isn't Church...it's ChristChristianity isn't theology...it's reality!" (bold emphasis mine- hope you don't mind me putting this on here, Paul :) This is reality folks. Jesus is reality. He is our reality. This is not a game or a play we can act out. We are called to be real and to hurt and love and weep and rejoice with others- as an example of Christ-likeness.In His love, Chanin

Paul, are you real there in Netherlands?Well Dian...that's the question I need to ask myself so many times. If I'm not being honest, if I'm sharing things here at SI which contradict my life, if it's only headknowledge and not heartknowledge...then I'm in fact, how harsh it may seem, an instrument of satan, a stumbling block to God, a Pharisee: "Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You shut the kingdom of heaven in men's faces, you yourselves do not enter, nor will you let those enter who are trying to" (Matthew 23:13)Many years of my life I have been a hypocrite, even so bad...that I myself didn't realise that I was one. Though I knew I didn't know Jesus really, I thought to be some sort of a by-my-parents-raised-up-christian and when I had to tell folks about that, I did. I had times of "spiritual enlightment" when I had gone to some sort of Biblecamp. But it didn't impact my life...I did not surrender all to Him. I was a vain talker..and that's the biggest problem. This is the worst enemy of the true Gospel: religion. Jesus didn't come to give people headknowledge, He came and showed them the Father. He didn't spoke vain words. "The words I have spoken to you are spirit and they are life" (John 6:63). The true mark of a relationship is vulnerability/honesty. Many times I found (find) myself reading the Bible and discovering things and thinking: "Yes, this really says all about the state of my Church" and "Wow, this is a strong message, I think I could share it with people". But God isn't speaking about my church in the first place. He's speaking to me, about my life and about the things that need to change in my life. "So being affectionately desirous of you, we were willing to have imparted unto you, not the gospel of God only, but also our own souls (or: life), because ye were dear unto us" (1 Tes 2:8). God wants us to be real, because Jesus wants to give reality. If we're faking our lives, we're stopping Jesus for touching the lives of others. We will ruin our lives with Jesus as well. When I try to present myself as someone who I am not, it's (as Art Katz said) "ipso facto evedince already" that Jesus is not Lord of my life. I want the honor. I want the fame. I want the applause...But God says..."My glory will I not give to another, neither my praise to graven images" (Isaiah 42:8). It must be more of Him and less of me. I (we) must be willing to be a failure in the eyes of men...and I want to be that failure, if necessary. Not being real, does not only have to do with sharing truth from the Bible that does not match with my life. I'm also not being real when I only share all the wonderful things God is doing: "well, that day I went to my room, opened my Bible and God really filled me with the Spirit and now I have so much joy"...without admitting that I go through times of dryness, emptiness and confusion (in which the emphasis has to be on God, rather than "poor little me"...pfjoe..that's tough). Together with my parents I listened to a sermon this morning, and the subject was: "Cross and triumpf". Many Christians (and non-Christians) desire Jesus as the King who entered Jerusalem on a donkey: "Hosanna, Hosanna". But this is not Jesus. Jesus went to the Cross...and died. I think the Cross in our lives will keep us real and honest, if we are willing to accept it.Though I've never met one single person on SI outside _Disciple_ (William), I experience how God really pours out His love in our hearts through the Holy Spirit. And well...then we come to the core of being real...and that's: JESUS. When we have this relationship, we cannot but be honest and share with eachother what He is doing in our lives. Why? Because it cannot be explained in any other way! I can't explain the fact why some of you are so close to me, as if we were dear friends. I can't explain the ways God really works in react to prayer. I can't explain how it is possible that God gives me a chance to witness for 1,5 hour to classmates. I can't explain it except: "Christ who lives in me"! Giving Christ the time to deal with your life will keep you real and realistic (=not I but Christ). I experience how this is not a one-time-delivery event. Over and over again I need to be brought to the place where I need to confess: "Jesus, forgive my unbelief...I thought I needed to do something, while you wanted to do it". This week I experienced this once again. Where I thought for a moment that it really was "no longer I, but Christ", at one moment I thought I needed to help God a little: "When I don't act now, this may go wrong". Yes, my heart was honest and real. It came from a good heart, but I settled for "the good", where I needed to wait on God to tell me what's "His perfect".Let's pray that the nails will keep us on the Cross. For we have nothing to boast in outside our Lord! And that's not "well said"...that's the plain reality!"I long to see you so that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to make you strong - that is, that you and I may be mutually encouraged by each other's faith" (Romans 1:11-12)In Christ...our LIFE,Paul

Be encouraged by the words of our Lord Jesus Christ: "'The stone the builders rejected has become the capstone' Everyone who falls on that stone will be broken to pieces, but he on whom it falls will be crushed." Luke 20:17,18

Oh my!I found my 'vocabulary'! You guy's...Praise God Dian, you bet we are real, flesh and blood, gut level, heart knitted lovers of Truth and The Truth, our Lord.Zeke: I know you can pick up the spirit of a person by the way they write etc. but they only exist as a cyberperson. I know this may go against the many utterances to the great fellowship we have on here, but it is only a small part of our lives. I think that is one of the things I am aware of, is that I can appear to be someone I am not, because all people have to go on is the words on their screen. I also realize that you are only as open as you want to be, which is also great.Well it does go against the many utterances as I think you managed to bring out in the responses that followed. And though I get your drift in a sense I don't think it is just a small part of lives, it is our lives being lived out hopefully more and more in the imagine of Him as we share and learn and grow.Can say that with full appreciation coming off the last couple of days of face to face fellowship with Greg who I 'knew' only through our 'correspondence' here, but it goes way beyond that. And with Josh who I didn't 'know' as well. Have rambled on enough elsewhere, but it wasn't a surprise at all, no awkwardness that you might normally expect in meeting 'strangers' for they/we are not strangers at all, even in cyberspace, even with thousands and thousands of miles between us. Col 2:1 For I want you to know how much I struggle for you, for those in Laodicea, and for all who have never seen me face to face. Col 2:2 Because they are united in love, I pray that their hearts may be encouraged by all the riches that come from a complete understanding of the full knowledge of Christ, who is the secret of God. Granted that not all are as open as others, some more reflective others more vocal. Some of us do wear our hearts on our sleeves as was mentioned and have always been more of that I guess because it just seems that life here is too short to be keeping things to myself and not risking being 'embarrassed', I am embarrassed everyday practically around here and still feel a sense of needing to 'reel it in a bit'Paul (DezCall), what a verse!1Th 2:8 We cared so deeply for you that we were determined to share with you not only the gospel of God but our very lives. That is how dear you were to us.And it goes on... 1Th 2:9 You remember, brothers, our labor and toil. We worked night and day so that we would not become a burden to any of you while we proclaimed the gospel of God to you. 1Th 2:10 You and God are witnesses of how pure, honest, and blameless our conduct was among you who believe. Haven't even gotten around to a couple of others that we met up with that have been through here, quoting bit's of sermons that have touched their lives... So I would disagree with them only existing as a 'cyberperson' and also realize the limitations of just what we can do here. So maybe this might encourage yourself to share more, hopefully not less, we may not know as much about the real Zeke from want of detail, but what we do know is enough, that you are not just some 'dude' out there. You are blessing to us brother.Besides ultimately this isn't about 'us' anyway.It's Jesus.

It hurts, it hurts alot, but it's ALL WORTH IT.To gain Christ

Girl let me tell you...This past weekend I felt brokenness for the 1st time, it's not pleaseant at all. The first thing was being shown how I really look before God.what I saw was this brilliant light around me and then this dark spot (which was me) and I realized that I was more of a sinner than I cared or dared to imagine. The second thing was being shown the faithfullness, love and mercy of God and the increase in my life contrasted with my faithlessness, selfishness, rebellion of my own life. The third thing was being shown the work that God has for me and how overwhelming it is and also how I have not done a thing to earn it and knowing that in truth I know nothing of how God operates. The good news with the last bit is that we needn't understand God or His was, jus follow them. His ways are not ours so they are alien to us but by submission to His will, we can truly be about our father's business.

I think SI has been good for me because, like it has been said, it is sometimes easier to be "real" when you are not face-to-face. Of course, this in no way lessens our need to be "real" with certain people when we are face-to-face. Writing thoughts out makes them concrete in one's own mind. Some of the best friends I have have been friends mostly by correspondence. There is something "safe" about non-face-to-face "talking".That said, I have found out on SI how little I know about doctrine and how much I differ with others on the little I do know. :) I love you guys, but sometimes the thread just soars right over my head and I move on to something else. Phebe

...No it is not pleasant at All.Quote:The first thing was being shown how I really look before God. What I saw was this brilliant light around me and then this dark spot (which was me) and I realized that I was more of a sinner than I cared or dared to imagine.Oh, how I can relate to this. How wonderful it is to know that in him, all things are made new. That in him, you are able to start over, that in him there is life, everlasting life, that in him all of your sins are forgive, as far as the east is from the west.

Oh, how I can relate to this. How wonderful it is to know that in him, all things are made new. That in him, you are able to start over, that in him there is life, everlasting life, that in him all of your sins are forgive, as far as the east is from the west. AMEN AMEN AMEN!!!