The Art Of Overlooking An Offense

We live in a culture where we’ve all been well trained on how to be offended. Every day we seem to be the victim of something.

We are quick to judge.

Quick to condemn.

Quick to throw the penalty flag.

Quick to call the foul.

Quick to be offended.

We’re slow to ask: “Is this something I should just ‘overlook’?”

Proverbs 19:11 says,

” A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.”

It’s your glory!!

Now, ‘overlooking’ an offense is not the same as pretending it didn’t happen. It’s a conscious decision, a form of forgiveness. It’s a choice to say I’m not going to focus on, talk about, or let that offense grow inside of me into hurt and bitterness.

In a culture that has mostly lost the art of how to ‘overlook’ an offense, I pray you’ll let God do this work in you today. God takes great delight in helping us do things we simply can’t do on our own.

How are you doing in this area of maturity?

Shared from Pete Wilson on Churchleaders.com.

Hey there Solomon,

This may be off topic a bit, but you touched something inside me that I have been observing in the Church for years.

Now, ‘overlooking’ an offense is not the same as pretending it didn’t happen. It’s a conscious decision, a form of forgiveness. It’s a choice to say I’m not going to focus on, talk about, or let that offense grow inside of me into hurt and bitterness.

I am glad you mentioned this very important statement. Because we should not be gullible and think that "forgiveness" is the same as complete and total "license".

For example: A young girl is abused sexually by her father when she is young. Later in life, she becomes a Christian, gets married and has children. After she had children, her father becomes a Christian, too.

She forgives her father, but does that mean she should let him babysit her kids or be alone with them?

Some Christians are judged for not letting the father who has this kind of past babysit the kids or be alone with them. They accuse the Mother of being unloving and lacking forgiveness. I think, she is just being wise! You can forgive without holding bitterness, but that does not mean you lose your mind (wisdom).

Condemnation comes from below. Reject it and don't be manipulated by it. Many wish they had not accepted it. I see this propensity in the Church today to err on the side of foolishness/gullibility and even teach that "if you truly forgave your Dad and believe that he is a new creature in Christ, you will trust him like you trust others".

Well, please forgive the Mother who cannot bring herself to trust her Dad, Husband, or whoever else may have done something like this to her and now wants to be treated like others are around her kids.

Pilgrim

Some Christians are judged for not letting the father who has this kind of past babysit the kids or be alone with them. They accuse the Mother of being unloving and lacking forgiveness. I think, she is just being wise! You can forgive without holding bitterness, but that does not mean you lose your mind (wisdom).

Pilgrim
I have a question for you, in regards to what you said that she is using wisdom in not letting them spend time alone with her dad? But if she believes that her dad is truly born again and walking with Jesus then why would there be an issue? I mean can not the Lord keep her dad from sinning again? I guess what I am asking is if someone was a liar or a thief and they came to Jesus would we always need to question them on if they are telling the truth? would we always need to be careful with out stuff so they don't steal it? If someone is made new in the Lord and God has forgiven them and it says He buries their sins in the deepest ocean then how should we respond to them? because of the sin committed does that mean that its ok for us to keep an account of it and not ever trust?? Perhaps if time passes and the dad walks many years with the Lord and shows fruit would that change anything? Just trying to figure some of this out for myself as well. What makes some sins different then another?

What makes her dad less trust worthy then say the man who hits his wife and asks to be forgiven? Its a really difficult situation for me

rdg

rdg,

Given the nature of males, the temptation of immorality is always lurking for for expression. The wisdom of the mother to withhold her children from a person who in the past had succumbed to this temptation is to protect not only her children but also the perpetrator.

And let us be sensible, is it very wise to ever get another male to babysit your children? Even when there is no record of any moral misbehavior in this male, I would still be very reluctant to do so. It would have to be an emergency for me to allow this.

rdg, caution for whatever reason is always a good idea. If one feels a check in your spirit you do well to listen. You may not understand the reasons behind it, but given the depravity of man one does well to obey. Personally, I believe this check in one's spirit is the working of the Holy Spirit. The reasons for this check may never become known to you, but God knows and that is all that is necessary, don't you think?

God bless.

ginnyrose

There is an excellent teaching on this topic here, entitled "Refuse to be Offended." Really worth a listen.

http://www.thenarrowpath.com/topical_lectures.php#IndividualTopicalTeachings

But if she believes that her dad is truly born again and walking with Jesus then why would there be an issue? I mean can not the Lord keep her dad from sinning again?

rainydaygirl, the error in your question is that the Lord does not keep anyone from sinning, again. Can you show me an example of that? If it comes down to the welfare of her babies, or the fact that her father "Feels bad" because she won't leave her babies with him, then let him feel bad.

God does not keep us from sinning, again. We keep ourselves from sinning by his power and grace. People that have had a pattern of certain very strong sins in their lives, many times return to them so why help them with temptation?

Again, what is more important, the babies or the father's feelings?

I'm glad he is forgiven but it doesn't automatically give him carte blanche trust with everyone without evidence of years of fruit.

I know someone that was a liar and a thief and a drug addict and he had a genuine conversion or so people thought at the time. But then he returned to his lying and thieving and deceiving ways, but always with the facade of Christianity. His mother would blame the other Christians for him "backsliding" and never becoming an Overcomer. She would say, "If you just accepted him, and called him once in awhile, he would not feel so bad. But your rejection of him makes him feel bad and that is why he finds it difficult to walk with God."

Our ability to walk with God should not be dependent on how favorably or unfavorably others treat us. Unfortunately, this young man never really wanted to walk with God.

What makes her dad less trust worthy then say the man who hits his wife and asks to be forgiven?

I did not say he was less trustworthy, this is your example.
A man who hits his wife has real problems and yes they can be forgiven, but the root of that manifestation has to be dealt with and in the meantime, if I was the wife, I would not be completely trusting.

Forgiving others is completely different than trusting others. But most people have been taught they go hand in hand. If someone asks forgiveness, then they should be trusted, also and I just think (depending on the situation) that that is very foolhardy and could be quite dangerous.

Pilgrim

Good word Solomon101. Thank you. You have opened a door that we should all look into.

I personally do not like what I see when I open my door, and I am going to be praying that the Lord grow in me the fruits of the spirit.

Blessings!

edg,

Trust is earned. Once it has been violated, it is up to the perpetrator to earn it back. Granted, forgiveness will make it easy for him to do so, but it does not diminish his responsibility to do so.

____________________________________________________________
QUOTE:
" Forgiving others is completely different than trusting others. But most people have been taught they go hand in hand. If someone asks forgiveness, then they should be trusted, also and I just think (depending on the situation) that that is very foolhardy and could be quite dangerous."
____________________________________________________________

Excellent post, Pilgrim.

ginnyrose

But if she believes that her dad is truly born again and walking with Jesus then why would there be an issue? I mean can not the Lord keep her dad from sinning again?

rainydaygirl, the error in your question is that the Lord does not keep anyone from sinning, again. Can you show me an example of that? If it comes down to the welfare of her babies, or the fact that her father "Feels bad" because she won't leave her babies with him, then let him feel bad.
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Pilgrim you are correct the wording in my question was really awful. The Lord does not stop us from sinning that is true but what I meant was He can help us to be over comers of sin. The Lord could help her dad over come this sin and never be tempted by it again is what I should have said. How she responds is between her and God just as it is how the dad responds. Its a real tuff situation here for sure. I had typed up a bunch of my thoughts on this with several questions but it would be unfair to put them here and expect you to be able to answer them for me. I have gone around and around about this topic for a long time trying to understand forgiving others, and not becoming cynical and doubting about another person, all I know for sure is its not an easy one to answer.

rdg

I am real sorry for taking this topic so far off track. another good reason to back out now.

While there are some good points in many of the posts I think they have gone pretty far afield from my original intent.

The original idea is about overlooking an offense. NOT necessarily forgiveness of sins against us, or others. In fact if it is an "offense" they may not have even done anything wrong per se , we are simply offended by anothers actions, words, deeds, etc. although they may not be sinful. Certainly heinous sin such as the sexual abuses alluded to in some of the posts are a totally different thing than taking offense to something.

For example.. let's say that someone tells you--

"We really don't like being around you. You have a sharp tongue and we are sick and tired of you whining and complaining. So.. please do not show up at the dinner party Friday evening as you will ruin it for everyone by your rotten attitude. You are such a loser!".

That might well offend some of us! The question is how will we respond to that? How will we respond if what they say is true? More importantly, how will we respond if what they accuse us of is absolutely false and it was said only to hurt us?

I have at times offended people while doing my dead level best to obey the scripture and walk in love. I observed a couple making some mistakes that would eventually hurt their ministry very badly. It was not in any way sin. It was lack of common manners, inappropriate language (though not sinful) at the dinner table, and lack of personal hygiene. We are talking things like eating with mouths open and food falling out, talking with mouths of food as chucks of it fell on the table, licking off the serving spoon from a platter, "bathroom and bodily function" conversation at a coed dinner table, loudly passing gas for attention at that table, etc., not using deodorant, going days without a bath. None of these are "sin"... but the inappropriateness of it will cause people to avoid you and distance themselves from you. They were not children but in their mid 20's and college graduates.

In discussing with my wife what to do about it, if anything, we came to one very certain conclusion. You must ALWAYS do unto others AS you would have them do unto you. The couple had tremendous spiritual gifts and abilities that would take them far. However, it was clear that their gifts would take them places that their lack of manners and decency would keep them from being asked back to.

We felt given their spiritual abilities we must talk with them to help them in this practical area. In addition, if we were in their shoes we would have wanted someone to speak with us regardless of how difficult it was to hear at the moment. That is what love would do... help the other person achieve their highest ability.

We approached it very low key and shared how that their gifts were precious and from God. Some common manners would go far in enabling them to be used as people would be more open to receiving from them. They took great offense and lashed out at us. It was almost a pride in being slobs and "not bowing to the man" type attitude. We dropped it and just loved on them and helped where we could. Ultimately though that offense grew and festered in their hearts to the point they left our lives completely. They did so in such a way that it will be difficult for them to return without having deep humility.

Paul had a similar circumstance in scripture with John Mark. Over time he reestablished his credibility with Paul. After refusing to let John Mark go with him on his journeys Paul years later said to send him as he was "profitable to me and the ministry". I think that is a great example of overlooking an offense but not pretending it did not happen. Paul made him prove the change of life matched the words. It did so he was later restored to that place of trust with Paul.

Again, we are talking offenses... not heinous sins against the innocent.

How about you? How do you handle it if someone offends you?

Again, we are talking offenses... not heinous sins against the innocent.

How about you? How do you handle it if someone offends you?

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again I am sorry for taking part in hi-jacking your thread. I felt it would be only fair and right for me to come back in and comment on the original topic. So for what it is worth, I have in the past allowed self to be easily offended and I have held on to those hurts but now I am trying to be in such a place in my walk with the Lord that I only take offense at the sin in my own life. I pray a lot more and try not to take personally when things are said or directed toward me. My biggest struggle is allowing self to play into the poor me attitude, seeing myself as the victim. I have learned that there are times when people have said things to me and even though I don't like hearing it they have been spot on.

rdg

If anyone sees his brother commit a sin that does not lead to death, he should pray and God will give him life. ~1 John 5:16

I spent about 4 weeks just going through 1,2 and 3 John very slowly and praise the Lord it's bearing fruit!

While reading through this thread I couldn't help but have this scripture going over and over in my head. If it's not a sin that leads to death, we are to pray. More often than not I find that it's really my flesh that has a hard time with annoying people.

I've learned that everything is about me, and that's the part of me that needs to die. How dare those people in front of ME with 16 items in the express checkout, I need to be somewhere. How dare that man cut ME off in traffic, I mean he wasn't even thinking about ME. Oh what a miserable piece of flesh I have but praise the Lord there is grace.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. ~Philippians 2:3

Personally, I try to think of the other person first, 'did they mean to say that the way that they said it?' 'did they purposely try to be offensive?' 'is it possible that I took it wrong?' Sometime folks do mean to be jerks and sometimes they don't.

It works in traffic too, someone cuts you off, maybe they are taking a loved one to the hospital, maybe their children are in jeopardy? The fact of the matter is I really don't know.

Sounds simplistic but works for me, lol, and I have peace. :-)