Please pray

Hi brothers and sisters,

I am needing some serious prayer, I have been battling some serious demons within myself mostly anger, bitterness, and hatred. Some of you know of my situation while others dont and that's fine but I was betrayed by someone that was very dear to me. That relationship destroyed and me left in the dust and aftermath of it all, I feel myself letting hate towards this person in my heart. I know it's wrong but I feel just so beat up I don't know how else to feel. Thanks for your prayers.

God Bless,
Matthew

I was just wondering about you Matthew, when I saw you had posted on another thread recently. Had hoped with your move that you had found a job and that things were much improved with you. I have had similar wrestlings with how I have been wounded by my prodigals. The only thing that has helped me was to CONTINUALLY keep bringing it under the blood, and to ask the Lord to show me my OWN SIN so that I wouldn't focus on the other person's sin, and to ask Him to heal my heart and give me a love for them. We are all different, but when I considered how much my bitterness or hatred must GRIEVE THE LORD, it was easier for me to WANT to let go of it, and wanting to let go of it was the first step. Because, as in my case, you are/were probably justified to a degree in WHY you have the bitterness and anger in the first place....so you keep playing the tapes over and over in your head. Not a good thing to do. I don't know if this helps other than to know that someone else understands. I will be praying, and will ask the Lord to bring you to mind. You are wise to ask for prayer. God bless you!!!

. These sisters offer wise advice and it is advice tested by fire. We cannot be of the human race and not be wronged or falsely accused and as children of God, even more.. In these situations, as uncomfortable as they may be, God molds and shapes his children to be more conformed to Himself. Wronged we may be but never more wronged than Christ. He being pure and innocent, has been wronged by every man that has ever been born of woman. We must be willing to suffer on a much smaller level. It does not make sense or seem natural that good can come from wrong and evil, yet it is a theme of our great and loving Savior, to make the best lemonade the world can ever know, out of the proverbial lemon. Matt, it is not as though you don't already know all this. I have read your posts but even the strongest among us, when faced with intense pressure, need reminding of what is elementary in our understanding. In like manner, when any of us cry out, we would desire the same. I pray for your strength my brother.

Hi! 'Mguldner'

Ummm, I'm very nervous right about now.
I jus' hate having to gather up the boldness to parachute into someone's personal trials and drama and offer some advice. In the back of my mind is the constant haunt, "What happens if yer wrong, Blayne?".

Anyways, I'm gonna' tell you a story about my being betrayed by someone near and dear and how it gnawed at my inner being as like a canker-worm for a very long time until I finally found the way of escape.

I hope that the reading of this story might be an encouragement to you.

In times like this, the first question you have to be sincerely asking yourself is the one that Jesus asked the the paralytic, "Do you want to be made whole?".
Yuh see, 'Mguldner', lots of times we unconsciously don't want to be healed.
And, do you know why that is?
Well, because we are feeling so utterly betrayed about the injustice done to us, that we're jus' too cowardly to allow recompense and retribution to be put aside.
Instead, we prefer to sit and lick the gaping wounds of their betrayal and fondle the scars of their injustice. Rather than having our wounds to be healed by the ointment of the Spirit, we insist to wallow in the tears of pious pity which self-gratify our ego.

Jesus wasn't playing head-games with the paralytic at the pool, and He's not gonna' be playin' head-games with you either. Jesus has already heard your cry and sent many to speak words of comfort and encouragement to you. And there you still are ... insisting to sit there at the pool of your betrayal.

What did you think Jesus was going to be doing?
Did you secretly hope that Jesus would somehow drag the one who wounded you into your presence? He knows that you remain unprepared to forgive them. So, why would you imagine that Jesus should want to do such a thing? Jesus is not into being a referee ... He's into restoration and recovery.

Your healing and restoration will never happen unless you are willing to first be made whole ... unless you first find the courage of spirit to forgive. That's something only YOU can do. Jesus is unable to deal with a protesting and screaming heart.
Jesus desperately desires to speak to you about your INNOCENCE before He can address the injustice. It is only your innocence which will enable you to triumph over evil.

Now, I will tell you something else:
I was once betrayed by my very best friend for a burglary which I had committed. It wasn't as if he did it because of a sense of moral duty. He did it for very selfish reasons.

I was sentenced to the worst hell-hole you could possibly imagine and lived/survived there for a bit more than five solid years. I awoke every morning and closed my every eyes every night imagining a horrible vengeance on this person.

But one day God started rolling out video tape of my own past and how I had betrayed the confidence of so many and abused and disappointed dozens more. And, (and I nearly in tears telling you this), He reminded me of the person whom I had betrayed the most severely ... my own 8 year old child and son. He had been orphaned by my imprisonment. (God wonderfully provided a Christian couple to take him in during my imprisonment. I was a single parent).

So, it was that I found the way to forgive that accomplice who handed me over to the authorities. But I had unnecessarily wasted a lot of years pacing a cell and wishing retribution.

And to this very day, I stand astonished that my son insists to name me "Dad" and now at 33 years old is a dear friend.

So, please don't be suspecting that I can't know your pain or am somehow unfamiliar with grievance and betrayal. Believe me! I know all about it.

But just like I know your pain and agony, I also know the only way of escape. And that's what I've given you here.

The only way you will become whole is to desire it; and desire it with all the innocence that is within you.

So, answer the question for yourself. No one else can do it for you. "Do you wish to be made whole?".

Just prayed after reading the posts.

When a close one betrays you it is the most unfair type of pain a Christian can feel. And you have a right to be angry, but not unto sin, especially against yourself, for you have already endured enough sin.

I get angry when I see those righteous in Christ suffer at the hands of the enemy. Then I am comforted when the Holy Spirit and God's Word remind me that nothing can happen to us without Jesus knowing about it. "Far be it from [The Lord God] to do such a thing, to slay the righteous with the wicked, so that the righteous fare as the wicked! Far be that from you. Shall not the judge of the earth do what is just?" (Genesis 18: 25).

And those who betray the righteous in Christ are acting in the spirit of the most notorious Betrayer. And let us be reminded for only a moment about the tragic outcome of the Betrayer. This is why I had to also pray for those who betrayed you, Matthew. I didn't pray for them to "win the lottery" or anything silly like that...I prayed that they would harken unto the voice of The Lord and repent and restore that which has been lost due to their evil actions.

The Lord God knows my spirit. Hence, I cannot lie when I say that as I abide in Christ, and His Word abides in me, I long to be present in body, soul, and spirit to comfort His Beloved when they are hurting. Perhaps this desire to be a present comfort to those who are suffering is a manifestation of The Father's greatest commandment.

Since I cannot be there in body, please rest assured that my spirit and soul can be present in prayer and thru His Word. I will think of you today, Matthew during our Home church gathering. Would it be okay if I ask those present to pray with me for your soul's restoration and healing upon enduring the most painful sin and evil of betrayal from a loved one?

We will be reviewing II Samuel. I am sure that the Lord will have many more words of wisdom to impart through this prophet's second book.

Pain also has a way of either pushing us away or pulling us closer in to God's Word and Spirit. You are a part of His Beloved, surely this pain will draw you closer in to Him.

Love-in-Christ,

KP

Brother, I am praying for you. I don't have any words of wisdom except to remind you that the Lord knows how you feel. He was betrayed by the very ones that He created, loved and set apart for Himself.

I will continue to remember you in prayer, brother.

Dear brother Matthew,

Reading your post just now....Must be so painfull...
Will remember you in my prayers.

your sissi....browny

Hi Matthew!

I'm just reading your post now too. I went through something almost identical to you. The gripping hatred, anger. . .they're familiar to me. It took some seven years for God to work with me through them all. . .in the end, I am finding rest of soul and resolution.

I will be praying for you too. Grip unto God and don't let go!!

Matt,

As I read through this post, I was reminded of a quote by Malcolm Muggeridge that I have found so helpful. It helps one to look at our agonies from a different perspective - in fact this is what the entire WORD teaches us. Here it is:

Malcom Muggeridge says, “I can say with complete truthfulness that everything I have learned in my seventy-years in this world, everything that has truly enhanced and enlightened my existence, has been through affliction and not through happiness, whether pursued or attained. In other words, if it ever were to be possible to eliminate affliction from our earthly existence by means of some drug or other medical mumbo jumbo, as Aldous Huxley envisaged in Brave New World, the result would not be to make life delectable, but to make it too banal and trivial to be endurable. This, of course, is what the Cross signifies. And it is the Cross, more than anything else, that has called me inexorably to Christ.”

God bless...and may you find refuge in the only One who can give you that.

ginnyrose

Thank you all for your kind prayers and advise. I had a talk with my dad and he helped me resolve some of what I am feeling just by being an ear to hear. At times I feel like Keith Green in singing "My eyes are dry, my prayers are old, my heart is hard, my love is cold. I know that's not the way I ought to be but alive in You and dead to me."

I have been finding refuge in creativity, music, recording, and making videos on youtube. My heart is hurt but it's also just numb now where I am indifferent toward the person that wronged me but I do pray the Lord have His way (though a part of me wishes to be like the Sons of Thunder and have God rain his wrath on them) I have talked to a good friend of mine that is a Christian Counselor and he is always a huge help in hashing out emotions and working through the pain.

Keep me in your prayers BUT Praise the Lord there is improvement that ball of anger is slowly shrinking.

[Mguldner:
I have been finding refuge in creativity, music, recording, and making videos on youtube]

--
Thinking of you today Matthew. Make Jesus your treasure, your all in all. That's how to get rid of the pain and numbness.

I listened to this song and posted it here on the forum. Hope it helps you some.

Dennis Jernigan
You Are My All In All lyrics

You are my strength when I am weak
You are the treasure that I seek
You are my all in all
Seeking You as a precious jewel
Lord, to give up I'd be a fool
You are my all in all

Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name
Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name

Taking my sin, my cross, my shame
Rising again I bless Your name
You are my all in all
When I fall down You pick me up
When I am dry You fill my cup
You are my all in all

Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name
Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name

Oh my
Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name
Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name

Brother, I will pray for you. But before I do, I want you to know that the Lord has already spoken to you about this. You know to hate another is sin. Stop sinning, repent. Go to prayer and wait for the comforter to come.

This is the devil fueling the flames of hatred toward this significant other. He makes you picture situations in your mind. This is how he fuels the fire of hatred.

When this happens brother, rebuke the devil, begin to pray or read the beatitudes.

When you have nothing left but God, you have more than enough to start all over again.

Thanks so much and I do acknowledge hatred is indeed a sin and I have repented. But I ask God to keep picking away at my heart and to continue to uncover what needs fixed. Last night I had a terrible dream that spoke loud and clear to my heart the words "Not done yet" In the dream I was angry and yelling at the person and told them to get out of my life.

I prayed after I woke that God would help heal that up because judging from the sound of my voice it seemed far off so I am certain I actually yelled these things in my sleep, kind of to show I really have a long road ahead of me.

On the brighter side of things God is using me to bless others through song and I just love that God still desires to use me even though I feel like a loser I know I am more to Him. I am still seeking God on how HE wants to use my gifts but certain doors are opening that I pray are His doing and that He indeed wants me to walk down.

I appreciate all the Love that I find here on SI and I know it is a super natural Love that comes from the Lord. Thank you all very much :)

Hi Matthew,

Anything in the Christian life that takes years and is very difficult is not useful to us. Jesus said His yoke is easy, but we make ir hard. The power of our God is present to heal quickly when we know and follow His ways.

Reading the Gospels, we see ALL of Christ's persecution came from His own family and the religious leaders of the time. The is still true for us.

About a year ago I was betrayed by my wife and some former friends, whom I had helped over the years. Prior to that I suffered a lot of betrayal. But this last, very harsh incident, taught me lessons vital to my ministry.

Some years ago I learned this, and held it foremost.Jesus told us to do 4 things:

I (Jesus) say unto you:
Love your enemies
Bless those who curse you
Do good to those who hate you
Pray for those who despitefully use you, and persecute you;

--The beatiful result is this:

That you may be the children [huios, sons] of your Father Who is in heaven.
-Matthew 5:44, 45a

To love and to forgive are decisions, not emotions. If not for their sake, or your sake, as a matter of simple obedience to Christ, you can make that mental decision to forgive, and what is even harder, to love. The reward is amazing ... we will be the sons of our heavenly Father.

Once you obey Christ, His power springs up and healing begins. The proper emotions soon follow obedience. I once hated a man so much, I would not even think his name. Once I decided to forgive, I began by thinking his name and telling others about it, as a matter of testimony. Son, I was praying for him, blessing him, and finally loving him.

With my wife, I had learned enough about love, it became so real to me, that I still loved her. But dealing with her unfaithfulness was very difficult. As I prayed, our Father revealed much more than I expected. I thought forgiving and loving were sufficient. But He showed me to also seek justice. This was difficult for me, because my beliefs were not oriented to justice and judgment. He showed me so many passages, the truth was undeniable.

You must first learn to forgive and to love. Then you must seek divine justice. It is a delicate balance to love, forgive, and to seek justice. But these truths are clearly and often taught in both Testaments. Our modern theology does not allow us to consider the righteous (truly righteous, not fleshly) judgments and justice that our Father desires to mete on the church first. We must be a clean and pure people if we are to truly be His.

The following two passages clearly describe the fall of those with every earmark of intimately knowing our Savior. We try desperately to somehow explain they do not apply to Christians, but the language is very clear.

He who despised Moses' law died without mercy under two or three witnesses. Of how much worse punishment, shall he be thought worthy, who has trampled the Son of God, and has counted the blood of the covenant, by which he was sanctified, an unholy thing, and has done despite unto the Spirit of grace? For we know Him Who has said, Vengeance belongs to Me, I will recompense, says the Lord. And again, The Lord shall judge his people. It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.
-Hebrews 10:28-31

It is impossible for those who were once enlightened, and have tasted of the heavenly gift, and were made partakers of the Holy Ghost, and have tasted the good word of God, and the powers of the world to come, if they shall fall away, to renew them again unto repentance; seeing they crucify to themselves the Son of God afresh, and put him to an open shame.
-Hebrews 6:4-6

Read Jesus punishment pronounced on the Christian adultress and her Christian lovers in the church of Thyatira:

I have this against you, that you allow that woman Jezebel, who calls herself a prophetess, to teach and causes My servants to go astray and to commit fornication.... I gave her time to repent of her fornication, and she did not repent. Behold, I am throwing her into a bed of pain, and those who commit adultery with her into great affliction, unless they repent of their deeds. And I will kill her children with death. And all the churches will know that I am He who searches the thoughts and hearts, and I will give to every one of you according to your works.
-Revelations 2:20-23

Follow our Father's plan in loving, forgiving, and seeking justice, and healing will come very soon.