Although I seldom post on this forum, I have been observing the discussions here for about two years (I actually visit almost daily) and for quite a while have wondered about whether to write this post. I ask for your patience if you choose to read as my thoughts are quite rambling.
In short, there is much on this website (and on others that promote the same preachers and who are also interested in revival) that has and continues to disturb, frustrate, confuse and perplex me. I cannot, however, mention such things without first being honest about my own spiritual state, as it colours my perception. I have mentioned some of the following in previous posts, but I will aim to be more full here.
For about five years now (though, in some sense as long as I can remember) I have wrestled with the assurance of my own salvation. I have listened to many sermons, read many books and know all the relevant scriptures on the matter. Briefly, here are the two reasons why I doubt:
> The gospel promises a transformed life. While there are areas I have grown (and those who are close would testy to that) I still feel very much unchanged, and there are the same patterns of sin in my life that continue on.
> In a similar fashion, there is the promise of the Holy Spirit. I’m still rather unsure as to exactly how a believer knows he has the Spirit (there would seem to be differing opinions). However, I certainly have had no powerful experience of the Spirit nor do I have anything that could be called the tangible ‘witness’ that some have referred to.
Most tragically, these years have left me with little affection for Christ. Now in some sense, I hugely thirst for God, wish that I could encounter him and long to be like so many saints I know (and don’t know). However, it is very difficult to love a God who you think might be rejecting you.
There have been many discussions in Christendom about hell during the past year, though I doubt if there are many people who engage in such discussions who wonder if they might be going there. Try spending years wondering if you are going to hell – I can tell you that as a result it’s very hard to have sweet thoughts of God.
This is not to say that I am in a constant state of despair – there are some days when I think I might be saved – but still generally feel very much like a “wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind”. (James 1:6). Some counsel me to simply believe in the promises and then get on with it. This I might do for a time before reading a scripture that makes me doubt or seeing something on a site such as this one that warns against “syllogism” or “easy belivism”.
It is in the light of this that I now turn to some thoughts/questions about the messages and teaching on this site and others.
False Converts
There seems to be an almost universal view here that the vast majority of those claiming the name of Christ are in fact lost and headed to hell due to the lack of fruit in their lives. There is sermon upon sermon, article upon article about “professing Christians” or “goats” or “false converts” who have filled most of the western church.
Now, some of these do seem to have a spirit of genuine love and concern and seem absolutely desperate on getting such deceived people to receive true salvation. However, others seem to display an almost hateful attitude towards such people, and seem to be almost glad that they are going to hell.
Far from being “powerful preaching” , these messages actually sound like angry ranting (to be honest) and I would, I regret to say, include some of the messages from the most esteemed preachers on this website in that category. Indeed, there is one preacher who is highly promoted here (who I will not name) of whom I searched in vain (both here and on his ministry’s website) to find any message about God’s love or grace or mercy or indeed anything positive. Is revival really going to come about through such condemning preaching?
Despite the abundance of this “anti false convert” message around, there seems to be little on how actually to get saved if you realise you’re not. Indeed, there has been such shrill opposition to the “sinner’s prayer” that it can leave one wondering exactly what to do.
Now, some say you should fall on your face before God and call out for him to save you (I have done this, and actually continue to do this on most days – I’d be rich if I’d a dollar for every time I’ve prayed “Lord, if I’m not saved then please save me”). However, It seems to be the view that you are not converted until something ‘profound’ happens to you. I’ve come across these kind of assertions not only from some contempory preachers (like Paul Washer) but also from classic revivalists like John Wesley.
The problem with this is that it implies you can call out to God for years (as I have done) without him saving you and that he is quite happy to reject and dangle you over hell for a long period before saving (i.e. a reluctant saviour).
Not only is this notion repugnant, it also contradicts a load of scriptures which portray Christ as being swift to save when one calls to him in repentance (try out these for starters: Luke 15:20, Luke 18:13-14, Luke 23:42-43, John 6:37, Matthew 11:28, Acts 2:21, Acts 16:31, Acts 8:35-36, 1 John 1:9).
Needless to say, this kind of preaching has left me in a very bad place, not knowing where to turn. I understand how it might have a good effect on some (and I must confess I am largely ignorant of the state of American Christianity as I’m from the UK) and nudge them to repentance but for me it has breeded depression and despair. I notice there is a free book that has recently been promoted on this site – yet a glance at the summary would indicate that it is another invitation for navel gazing, introspection and doubt.
Looking for Christ
I am personally desperate to get a clear picture of Christ so I may truly love and serve him. One of the reasons I come to sites like this is so I may see something of him revealed in the sermons and posts (and I do find a few encouraging). Surely, if we are promoting genuine biblical revival then Christ should be held up high. This is not exactly what I have seen (at least on the forum) over the past couple of years though. Instead I see much condemnation in the threads about how Christians are not holy enough or praying enough or dying to self enough or mortifying the flesh enough or preparing for persecution enough. To quote Zac Poonen:
“When we preach God’s Word, we must NOT preach it in such a way that we make God’s people feel guilty and condemned. The Bible tells us to "ENCOURAGE one another" - and to do it "DAILY", if we want to save God's people from "being HARDENED through the DECEITFULNESS of sin" (Heb.3:13). That means that EVERY day, in EVERY message we preach we must ENCOURAGE the believers we preach to. Only thus will we be able to save them from sin. But Satan deceives us into thinking that we can make believers more holy and more devoted to God by making them feel guilty through our preaching. That is a lie.”
Amen, but how many messages on this site do exactly what brother Zac is speaking against here?
There is also much talk about the ‘true’ gospel versus the ‘false’ gospel. Of course, there are false and watered down gospels around – that I don’t deny. However, what is then being promoted as the true gospel often doesn’t actually sound like “good news” at all. This video is a good example http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MggVu_FY7ac According to this video one could easily be led into thinking that salvation is all about what we do – sacrifice self denial etc. And that Jesus suffering is only worth something to the degree that we imitate him. Where is the grace in that?
Recently there have been a number of threads discussing sinless perfection. This doctrine disturbs me, not because it promotes holiness and freedom from sin (which is laudable), but because it states by implication than Christians who are not perfect are going to hell. Can’t you see what a dreadful doctrine this is when considered in that light! I have similar trouble when it comes to debates on eternal security. Now, I fully understand that someone who is seriously drifting from the faith (in belief and practice) is in danger and needs to wake up, but some seem to present salvation as being a tightrope where God kicks you out whenever you trip up, and is most unforgiving toward you after you convert. A parent who acted like this towards their children would rightly be called abusive.
A Confession
I must confess that when I read passages such as Luke 14:16-17 I cringe. A large part of me hates the idea of denying myself and taking up my cross for Jesus. I fully admit that a reason for this is simply my own sinful, selfish nature – Jesus, please save me, Amen.
However, I believe that isn’t the only reason – I have somehow got the creeping idea (sometimes from this website, though I’m sure it wasn’t intended) that Jesus is a strict, hard and demanding taskmaster, like a nasty school Principal or heartless army General. This is the impression it’s easy to get when radical hard discipleship is emphasized above anything else.
That said, I had an amazing thought recently (albeit only for a short time) which cast a whole different light on the matter. I was reading Martin Luther’s commentary on Galatians (which is basically a strong presentation of the doctrine of justification by faith, a blazing attack on all works-righteousness and an upholding of Christ as saviour) and pondered this – If Jesus is really as sweet, as saving, as loving , as kind, as patient, as self-giving as Luther makes him out to be, and if Jesus really died for ME and I really am now in union with him then OF COURSE I’d willingly sacrifice my entire life for him and give him everything. Of course I’d deny myself for his sake, who could do less? “Love so amazing, so divine, Demands my soul, my life, my all.”
Unfortunately such a thought did not remain with me for long before I again began to doubt whether I was in that number.
So I’m tired and frustrated. Where do I go from here?
I really hope I have not offended any of you with this post – I know I have been critical of some of the content of this website. However, please don’t take this to mean that I have anything against you folks personally or that I mock your faith. I wouldn’t have poured out my soul to you if that were the case.
I’d really welcome any thoughts you have about my condition, or my questions about the website. Particularly Greg if you’re reading this, I’d be glad to hear from you.
Butters