prayer

The last time i posted in here for prayer was i think about a little over two weeks ago. As you know already for over a year i have been telling you about what i thought was demonic attacks on my back area and my body that i was having constantly, i still hold to that being what was happening. I have wondered if i at anytime received a false spirit or something in the past that is causing my torment. I am still having those attacks on my back, but i also about 3 weeks ago started having panic attacks on my mind and other attacks of great fear on me. I then posted here on prayer about that. I don't know 100 percent why that started to happen but it was terrifying. The sameweek i begin to have a great fear that all this was happening because the Lord had left me for good which again goes back to a couple years ago with where i started posting for prayer on here because i thought i lost my salvation and i began to be heavily tormented by that which is why i began post on here for prayer a lot. I had heard the voice of the Holy Spirit for probably the first 3 and a half years of being a professing christian, but after i got married to an unbeliever it seemed everything started getting a lot worse for me and has only continuued to get worse through all my efforts of seeking God and in prayer and reading scripture. The reason i was led to the internet was mostly because i was seeking God about my various problems, but it seemed He no longer was hearing me and it really scared me so i wanted to find someone to help me and i began to look on the internet and i had been on a site for a forum before this and then this is eventually the site i went to after that and stayed on. Look i wouldn't be the way i am on this site if it wasn't for the helplessness i feel many times and for the very reason i hope people could pray for me and possibly give me hope in my hopelessness. Also i wanted to know if anyone had gone through similar things to encourage me. Sometimes i put prayer requests up here and seem to not explain perfectly what is going on and that is my fault i sometimes just try to express things with the main point of what i think is going on and also because i am not doing so good. Plus i am not the best at writing around. But, i want to make this clear besides one name change in the past and maybe i have not taken everyones advice and seemed to not take any that is not true i have taken some, and also the seemed contradictions my story. i was told by a dear brother in the Lord one time that what i was saying was contradictory from what i had said months before, basically i had one said that the Lord was working in my life and then in my other conversation i basically said that i didnt think the Lord was doing in my life. It sounded contradictory, but it wasnt i should have said i felt like that maybe he wasn't working all this time when i thought he was or something, but this happens a lot with me and i dont intend to. Also the past year and a half i have been being tormented by demonic spirits and sometimes these spirits try to confuse me a lot making me feel guilty if i am not trusting God alone and other things. But anyways back to my prayer request. I was saying that a few weeks ago a great fear came on me that i lost my salvation again and that the Lord had left and that is why all this was happening. Since then i tried staying off of here besides one other post on general topics about a hardened heart and also a prayer or two for others on this one. I have tried surrendering my life to Christ through this torment and it first it seemed to get a little better. I wasn't on the computer barely at all anymore except later on in the day most of the time and i was trying to separate from any filth. Things were going good, but it seemed everytime i slipped up and watched something i shouldnt or fell into somekind of sin like gossiping or anger or hatred or spending too much time on the things of the world like computer or tv etc. that i got worse again. My heart has really seemed to get worse. I have been getting angry at God, losing desire for the things of God, overcome by many sins like anger, hatred, jealousy, lust, terrible thoughts towards others. I don't know what to do i have sought God so much but i am just getting worse and i am so fearful right now. Please pray for me i really need to be lifted up right now.

thank you brother, i actually have his book at my house absolute surrender. His are very good read.

praise god brother for your testimony. The one thing you said that stuck out was death to self and that God was trying to put the self life to death. The one thing with me is that i had a questionable conversion experience. I didnt come to the cross or have repentance. I sought God for healing and one day i turned on the 700 club and they said to believe on Jesus and i did and i was healed 3 days later. But, after that i had a desire to read Gods word and i began to obey his word and love following him and i was hearing the Holy Spirit speak to me and convict me to. But within 2 months i met a girl that i am now married to but i fell into sexual sin with her and for about 3 and a half years i lived unrepentant. I did not know at first what i was doing was wrong, but when i first started going to church then the pastor said it was wrong and then i began to be convicted. I tried stopping, but in the end i gave in which it all led to me living in apartment one day and be so overwhelmed with fear that i got married to her. That was 5 years ago. But your story does give me hope to think that God might bringing me to my end i dont know.