I need help, please read...

Hello, I don't wish to make this long, but i realize that i need some help and guidance on how to find meaning to this, my very very messed up life. I have ruined almost everything good that i had, turned my back on Jesus Christ, on God, and even those good friends i had when i used to be a believer. I became an atheist and denied everything, absolutely everything i used to hold dear to my hart. Now, after 3 years since, my life is a mess. It has come to the point where life does not make sense anymore, where it is pointless to keep on living. Don't commit suicide because I still know somehow that my life is not supposed to end this way. Sure i have friends, and also a family, but despite all of that..I feel utterly alone. I have friends that i realize are living as much a pathetic life as my own if not more. I have many doubts about god, the bible and just about everything else..but still i can't forget how good it was back then to know i was his and he was mine. I have never felt such peace as i did back then, my mind was clear to think, i had a purpose for living, a reason to exist. I want to find that life again and so here i am, reaching out to some of those here who i know are living the walk and not just talking and pretending to be.. Please, I need someone to just point the way..maybe something i should listen, read, etc.. i want to know him again..i want to belive..

thank you in advance.. and if i sound desperate, well that's just because i am.

Samuel, you do not need a sermon or a book. All you need is a humble heart. With that you get on your knees and tell God everything you told us here plus whatever else is on your mind. And you keep praying, speaking, and listen until you are totally empty of yourself and you gain peace in your heart, mind and soul.

No one can do this for you. You have to do it yourself. So, I suggest you get with it NOW, do not delay! Tomorrow may be too late! You can ask people to pray for you and that is OK, I reckon, but it is no substitute for your own action.

God bless.

ginnyrose

Dear Samuel,

Answer this question:

Is your sinful history worse than, or as hopeless looking as, the following account of this man named Manasseh?

Manasseh was twelve years old when he began to reign, and he reigned fifty-five years in Jerusalem.

And he did what was evil in the sight of the LORD, according to the abominations of the nations whom the LORD drove out before the people of Israel.

For he rebuilt the high places that his father Hezekiah had broken down, and he erected altars to the Baals, and made Asherahs, and worshiped all the host of heaven and served them.

And he built altars in the house of the LORD, of which the LORD had said, "In Jerusalem shall my name be forever."

And he built altars for all the host of heaven in the two courts of the house of the LORD.

And he burned his sons as an offering in the Valley of the Son of Hinnom, and used fortune-telling and omens and sorcery, and dealt with mediums and with necromancers. He did much evil in the sight of the LORD, provoking him to anger.

And the carved image of the idol that he had made he set in the house of God, of which God said to David and to Solomon his son, "In this house, and in Jerusalem, which I have chosen out of all the tribes of Israel, I will put my name forever, and I will no more remove the foot of Israel from the land that I appointed for your fathers, if only they will be careful to do all that I have commanded them, all the law, the statutes, and the rules given through Moses."

Manasseh led Judah and the inhabitants of Jerusalem astray, to do more evil than the nations whom the LORD destroyed before the people of Israel.

The LORD spoke to Manasseh and to his people, but they paid no attention.

Therefore the LORD brought upon them the commanders of the army of the king of Assyria, who captured Manasseh with hooks and bound him with chains of bronze and brought him to Babylon. 2 Chronicles 33:1-11

Samuel, you may still be captive in your own Babylon with hooks and bound with chains of bronze. But I implore you to read the verse that follows, verse 12.

And when he was in distress, he entreated the favor of the LORD his God and humbled himself greatly before the God of his fathers. 2 Chronicles 33:12

Consider this well Samuel, for the wise man saith..."Indeed for anyone who is joined with all the living there is hope; for a living dog is better than a dead lion." Ecclesiastes 9:4

Here is the hope of which the wise man speaks. Here is the very next verse, verse 13.

He prayed to him, and God was moved by his entreaty and heard his plea and brought him again to Jerusalem into his kingdom. Then Manasseh knew that the LORD was God. 2 Chronicles 33:13

Here are verses 12 and 13 in a bit more contemporary language.

"While Manasseh was held captive there, he asked the LORD God to forgive him and to help him. The LORD listened to Manasseh's prayer and saw how sorry he was, and so he let him go back to Jerusalem and rule as king. Manasseh knew from then on that the LORD was God."

Ask yourself if your end will be as Mannaseh's where we read,

"Manasseh also removed the idols and the stone image of the foreign god from the temple, and he gathered the altars he had built near the temple and in other parts of Jerusalem. He threw all these things outside the city. Then he repaired the LORD's altar and offered sacrifices to thank him and sacrifices to ask his blessing. He gave orders that everyone in Judah must worship the LORD God of Israel." 2 Chronicles 33:15,16

Please read these comments by Matthew Henry and then go and do as Manasseh did in verse 12.

When he was in affliction he had time to bethink himself and reason enough too. He saw what he had brought himself to by his sin. He found the gods he had served unable to help him. He knew that repentance was the only way of restoring his affairs; and therefore to him he returned from whom he had revolted.

It becomes sinners to humble themselves before the face of that God whom they have offended. It becomes sufferers to humble themselves under the hand of that God who corrects them, and to accept the punishment of their iniquity. Our hearts should be humbled under humbling providences; then we accommodate ourselves to them, and answer God's end in them.

Though affliction drive us to God, he will not therefore reject us if in sincerity we seek him, for afflictions are sent on purpose to bring us to him. As a token of God's favour to him, he made a way for his escape. Afflictions are continued no longer than till they have done their work. When Manasseh is brought back to his God and to his duty he shall soon be brought back to his kingdom. See how ready God is to accept and welcome returning sinners, and how swift to show mercy. Let not great sinners despair, when Manasseh himself, upon his repentance, found favour with God; in him God showed forth a pattern of long-suffering.

His prayer to God is twice mentioned as a remarkable thing, and how God was entreated of him was written for the generations to come, that the people that should be created might praise the Lord for his readiness to receive returning prodigals.

Oh! Samuel,Samuel...

Hear His voice calling. Repent. Return.

His blessing awaits you!

I am hopeful that we will meet each other there on That Day!

Yes, pray, pray, pray. You have come a long way knowing where you are. I belive we all need a gole, a helping hand (from God).
If you turn(back) to God he will fit you into his plan and use you. You know if you join God you join the wining team, the bible tells us so! In the end the good win over the bad.
Another fact is that good produce more good for all, where as bad stuf turns bad for its self and everything around it.

ginnyrose got the point right: you need to do it yourself; Pray, humble yourself befor God, give him glory. When you feel peace you are loved by God, peace is a bi-product of Love.

God bless,
Fiat

Thank you for those words ginnyrose, and i agree with you, it is something that nobody else can do for me. I did pray, something i hadn't done is a very long time, and i did tell him all that was in my mind. There are things that still don't make much sense to me but i know that Jesus Christ will guide me and shine his light into those dark places when the time comes. I am starting to read the bible again, starting to re-discover how to walk by faith. I cant say that i can walk yet, im still weak, very weak, but i want to change, i want to be home again.

Savannah, thank you for taking your time to show me that passage about Manasseh. I can see how much alike that situation applies to all those going through what im going through. It talks about hope and forgiveness, two words that mean so much to someone in my place. Its sad to go by living without any eternal hope, to think that life is absolutely pointless in the end, if all we do is be born, go to school, find a job, get married, eat, sleep, then die. I want his peace, and his hope, and his forgiveness. Thank you for that last sentence, it reminded me of how Jesus said that people would know his love by how those that followed him loved one another. It is my hope too that one day i will be there with all those that believed.

Thank you Fiat and Tuc, it's great to know that God's love is real, and all of you have shown that to me.

There is one thing I think I can promise you and that walking by faith is a learning experience - all the way. When we think we know it all, we turn our eyes away from Jesus and get into trouble - big time. As long as you feel a dependence on him you will do OK, although the devil will challenge you. And the devil will never let up on his challenges.

As life goes on it will not get easier. In fact the older you get the worst the devil works on you. Like today - I taught a ladies Sunday School class. The lesson was from Acts 3:1-16. Afterwards the devil had me feel like an idiot. (This week was hard for me - my mind was on an emotional roller-coaster - the like you do not want to experience, so it was very hard for me...) The pressure was so severe I finally recognized its source and had to ask the LORD for relief. I know I am not the smartest cookie in the jar, but I do belong to the LORD Jesus and that is enough to stir the ire of His arch enemy.

It is through faith in the LORD Jesus that we are saved - not by our own works, goodness or holiness. Such a wonderful comfort.

God bless. Keep on keeping on.

ginnyrose