How to Love the Unlovable
Dear Friends,
How do we love that son or daughter, father or mother, husband or
wife, neighbor or fellow employee who returns insults, condemnation and
hostility for love. What do we do? Do we give up emotionally or declare it’s
impossible to love those that would despitefully use us and persecute us
with their nasty attitudes and constant insults? There certainly has to be a
better way then to engage in fight or flight when it comes to interactions
with difficult people. Often when we try to love the unlovable, we fail time
and time again. Then all we are left with is guilt and frustration.
The problem is that we are trying to love them ourselves when we
should be receiving our love from Him so we can love them. The secret to
loving the unlovable is to let God fill our love account with His love. “We
love, because He first loved us” (I John 4:19).
What power to love the unlovable exists in this verse. I have
discovered that when I want to be more loving I must accept my place as a
child of God. Eph. 5:1, 2 says, “Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly
loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us.”
We cannot live a life of love unless we know that Christ loves us.
When this happens we are free to forgive. If we don’t forgive a root of
bitterness will start growing in us. At moments like that we must remember
that we have been forgiven. When we do this it frees us to forgive the one
who has hurt us. “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving
each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
I know from years of experience that when I am hungry, angry, and
lonely or tired I must immediately go to God’s bank of love and make a big
withdrawal of His love or I will be the irritable or unloving person.
Sometimes I am more successful at that then at other times. If I don’t halt
and make that withdrawal of divine love, small incidents can blow up into
world war III. After all, doesn’t Jeremiah 17:9 say that “the heart is deceitful
above all things” and if this heart isn’t filled with God’s love, disaster will be
the result.
When we try to love without drawing from God’s bank account of love
it is like writing a check without adequate funds to cover that check. I John
4:9, 10 explains to us further how God made the deposit in our love
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account in order that we might have sufficient love funds to love the
unlovable. “God showed how much He loved us by sending His only Son
into the world so that we might have eternal life through Him. This is real
love. It is not that we loved God but that He loved us and sent His Son as
a sacrifice to take away our sins.”
John then tells us in verse 11 to write a check from this divine bank of
love. “Dear Friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love
each other.”
The secret to loving the unlovable is to let “your roots go down deep
into the soil of God’s marvelous love.” We have that opportunity as we
work daily with the homeless and hurting. They need food, water, clothes
and shelter but even more so they need the true love of Christ displayed to
them in a deeper level than the material things we are providing them.
Some have bitterness deep within their soul that only the grace of God and
the healing, atoning blood of Jesus can heal. We may at times find
ourselves caught up in the midst of their pain because we feel helpless, yet
they actually feel hopeless. It is then we can pray for them and not only tell
them of Jesus but show them through sharing the unconditional love we
receive from God’s love bank.
God gives us the privilege of praying for those in need. As we do,
they will experience the presence of the Almighty God right in their midst.
We can ask the Lord to help us show the hurting and homeless the heart
and love of Christ through us as we visit them.
When we see the angry look or the one sitting on the side looking
frustrated, we must know that they are probably experiencing hopelessness
and helplessness. Often times the simple thing to do is offer them a
sandwich or a fan or other assistance, when deep down they really want to
see the true love of Christ working in us. The hurt and ungratefulness you
see displayed is actually a deep seeded pain that can be dealt with as they
come to know Jesus.
Those in need are just like you and me. Some have a larger degree
of pain and life experiences that have been made them respond the way
they do and yet we can love them the way Christ loves us as we daily draw
from God’s love account.
I have experienced years of working with the homeless and hurting
people. Certainly there have been times when it would have been easy to
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give up. Yet Jesus doesn’t give up on me, so I can’t give up on them,
God’s creation. He promises he will never leave nor forsake us, yet
working with those who are hurting and in pain is not always an easy walk.
It forces me to deal with my uncertainties, fears, and disappointments as I
try to help them. As I reach out I must always remember that “the Lord is
compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love” (Ps. 103:8).
In spite of the fact you may feel that your expectations for that person
weren’t met, your life has still touched them in a good way. It is written in
Isaiah 55:11: “so shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth; it shall
not return to me void, but it shall accomplish what I please, and it shall
prosper in the thing for which I sent it”.
Perhaps the Lord has allowed you to see the depth of the pain of
those in need in order that you may continue to pray for them. Mother
Teresa wrote: ‘the poor are very great people. They can teach us so many
beautiful things’. She saw the true condition of those she was helping and
as we help the less fortunate we are an extension of the love of God and
hands of Jesus. Though the things you did for them seemed to not be
appreciated at that moment, know that you have shown them that God
loves them and is providing for them through caring people who are
meeting their needs in a very tangible way.”
Many people have a very difficult time receiving real love. Real
love is a love drawn from God’s love account and involves genuine
concern, compassion, and a desire to see the best for the other person.
When it does come, it’s sometimes hard to believe it’s the real thing,
particularly if one has been hurt in the past. As a result, many go through
life never really receiving love nor giving it. They settle for passionate
affairs that leave them feeling empty and ultimately alone. Real love
ultimately comes from the source of love—God. After all, love is not just
one of the characteristics or attributes of God. For 1 John 4:16 says, “God
is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.”
Ruth shows her love for her mother-in-law, Naomi, by declaring,
“Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be
my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will
be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything
but death separates you and me.”(Ruth 1:16-17)
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True love from God’s divine love account is described in 1 Cor.13 and
other places in the Bible including Song of Songs 8:6-7 where it says,
“Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as
strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing
fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot
wash it away. If one were to give all the wealth of his house for love, it
would be utterly scorned.” Love in community and love in marriage, is so
priceless that even the richest king cannot buy it. Real love is accepted as
a gift from God and shared under the direction of His word.
Paul described his love for his Jewish brothers and sisters by stating,
“For I could wish that I myself were cursed and cut off from Christ for the
sake of my brothers, those of my own race, the people of Israel”(Romans
9:2). “My heart’s desire and prayer to God for the Israelites is that they
may be saved.”(Romans 10:1) But Paul doesn’t stop there in Romans
12:9-10 he says, “Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is
good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another
above yourselves.” Sincere love means helping others become better
human beings by showing them what great love that God has for them as
described in John 3:16, 17 “For God so loved the world that he gave his
one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have
eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the
world, but to save the world through him.”
We see throughout the scriptures the great love that God has placed
in our love account. We are told, “Let no debt remain outstanding, except
the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has
fulfilled the law. The commandments, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ ‘Do not
murder.’ ‘Do not steal,’ ‘Do not covet,’ and whatever other commandment
there may be, are summed up in this one rule: ‘Love your neighbor as
yourself.’ Love does no harm to its neighbor. Therefore love is the
fulfillment of the law”(Romans 13:8-10). We are permanently in debt to
Christ for the love He has poured out on us. The only way we can repay
this debt is to love others. The fact is, Christ’s love for us is so great we will
never be able to repay it. Therefore the debt we will always owe is the debt
to love.
The story of Ruth is the story of love between a Moabite woman by
the name of Ruth and her Jewish mother-in-law, Naomi. As widows, Ruth
and Naomi only had difficult times to look forward too. Then when Naomi
got the following news, her hope for the future changed. “Then Ruth told
her mother-in-law about the one at whose place she had been working.
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‘The name of the man I worked with today is Boaz, she said. ‘The Lord
bless him!’ Naomi said to her daughter-in-law. ‘He has not stopped
showing his kindness to the living and the dead.’ She added, ‘That man is
our close relative; he is one of our kinsman-redeemers’”(Ruth 2:19-20). A
kinsman-redeemer was a relative who took responsibility for the extended
family when a woman’s husband died and she could not marry the brother
of the dead husband. If no one came forward, she would probably live the
rest of her life in poverty. Jesus is our Kinsman-redeemer who, although
He was God, came to earth to save us. As a result of Jesus’ death and
resurrection, He has redeemed us from sin, death and the devil and
purchased us to be His own possession. Talk about love, “for you know
that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were
redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your
forefathers, but with the precious blood of Christ, a Lamb without blemish
or defect”(1Peter 1:18-19).
Sharing the love of God is one of the greatest privileges given to each
of us. That’s why Isaiah declared, “The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on
me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the
captives and release from darkness for the prisoners”(Isaiah 61:1). That
proclamation was directly fulfilled when Jesus came into this world (Matt.
11:5). Now you and I have been sent forth to share the love and hope
Jesus provides through His death and resurrection (Matt.28:19,20), We
have an opportunity to do this as we feed the hungry, shelter the homeless,
and visit the sick and imprisoned (Matt.25:31-46) and work to preserve
creation. We have been sent forth to be instruments of hope and help now
as we share the message of God’s eternal love demonstrated through
Jesus Christ. In order to do this we must help people to see their need for
a Savior and how Scripture makes it absolutely clear that Jesus Christ is
that Savior.
Sharing God’s love involves reaching out to people in their time of
need like Jesus did to the woman at the well in John 4. Such reaching out
includes sharing the fact that “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of
God”(Roman 3:23). Unless one recognizes that they have sinned and
repent of those sins and turn to Jesus who paid the price for sin through
His death and resurrection, they will die in their sins and go to hell. That’s
why Romans 6:23 says, “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God
is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Being a witness or an evangelist is
being one who the Holy Spirit is working through to share the love of God.
There is no greater love then that which God has given. “You see, at just
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the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly.
Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man
someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates His own love
for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us”(Romans 5:6-8).
It is when we are awakened to God’s love for us we become free to
love those who are unlovable. “What a wonderful God we have – He is the
Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the source of every mercy, and the one
who so wonderfully comforts and strengthens us in our hardships and trials.
And why does He do this? So that when others are troubled, needing our
sympathy and encouragement, we can pass on to them the same help and
comfort God has given us” (2 Cor. 1:3-4).
So what can you do when you encounter someone who needs love
and encouragement and you don’t know what to say? Open your Bible and
believe it when it says, “for everything that was written to teach us, so that
through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might
have hope” (Rom. 5:4)
The Bible is God’s check book full of the promises of His love. No
matter how hopeless the situation may appear God’s promises, “Never will
I leave you, never will I forsake you” (Heb. 13:5).
Others may leave us, ignore us, lie about us and curse us but it’s a
fact God will always love us, no matter what. This is how He expresses
that love in Jeremiah 31:3, “I have loved you, my people, with an
everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself.” This
means you and I have a bank account filled with so much love it will never
run out.
When its hard to love, take a step of faith and let the check be an act
of love or a kind word. Remember love is a fruit and now God is inviting
you into the orchard of His love. There you will find according to Gal. 5:22,
“love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness
and self control.” Now abide in Christ and let the fruit of His love come forth
Larry Rice
http://www.newlifeevangelisticcenter.org/spiritual-growth/bible-studies-sermons/?sermon_id=16