Can You Shelter a Child TOO Much?

This was written back in 2008, since that time there has been a huge push in many homeschool families that if a child is truly going to succeed and be well rounded they must be exposed to "worldly things" This is often pushed on Christian parents by other professing christian parents who will say that a child must be exposed to the world or else they can not be a light to the world. I was considering this and thinking that all while JESUS was here he never took part in sin nor did he excuse or condone sin so that he could save anyone...Why is it as parents we often find ourselves giving in or compromising on entertainment, spending time with peers unsupervised, clothes, makeup, music, ect so that our children can look like the world and fit in???? If our home is in Heaven and we are just passing through then don't we want our children to be clothed in HIS righteousness and holiness...don't we want their lights to shine and for the world to see that they as well as we are different in HIM???

Considering these things tonight.

God Bless
mj

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Can You Shelter a Child TOO Much?

By Gena Suarez

Do you "shelter" your children?

We're finding that's a bad word in some circles. Something is creeping into the church (and even the homeschooling community), and it isn't biblical. It is an "anti-sheltering campaign" of sorts, and it's full of holes.
Think about it. What does it mean to shelter? Protect. Defend. Guard. Preserve. Watch over. Shield. Safeguard. Hmmmm, so far so good, right? Sure,until "pop psychology" comes in and tells us we should allow our children
to taste a little of the world in order to understand it or pray for it - that we should not "over-shelter" them. Nonsense.

What's the opposite of shelter? Expose. Endanger. We parents are called to be like our Father in Heaven. He is the greatest "Shelterer" there ever was, and it is us He shelters - or watches over; protecting us, preserving us,
shielding us. Praise Him for this! Glory to God who knows how to parent (shelter) us perfectly. May we as parents follow this model - His model.
Let's continue to shelter (love) our children as He loves us. Dismiss the garbage that crawls in; don't buy it. We're promised there will be false teachers, liars in the church (and there are many). I want to keep my eyes focused on Christ, come what may.

Parents: Keep sheltering them. You are bringing them up in the love and admonition of the Lord, not in the latest "homeschool philosophy." God's word trumps any speaker! It dwarfs any author! May you be blessed as you continue to walk in obedience of His word.

Lord, thank you for sheltering me. Please never stop. "Over-
shelter" if You will (if there is such a thing). Fine with me!

Over-protect, over-defend, over-guard me; please do! I'll take it all, Lord. Keep me tight to Your side. I'm safe in that place. There, I can breathe and thrive. It's where I live.

For thou hast been a shelter for me, and a strong tower from the enemy. -Psalms 61:3

Action point: Do you need to repent to someone today for looking down on (judging) them? Have you been a thorn in another parent's side over this issue? Who have you scolded or cryptically "spoken to" about their "overbearance" in regards to their own children? It might be time to humbly
pick up the phone or shoot off an email.

Parents who strongly shelter their children are to be praised, not made to feel inadequate or odd. That's the world lying to us, there. And this world is not our home. - Paul & Gena

Thank you for this post. It is not often that I find those who support my way of thinking. It is most distressing when my oldest, who are prodigals, keep saying I need to stop "sheltering" the younger children. Now that my husband is dead, they are really pushing thinking that I am going to cave on this matter.

Great word MaryJane.

I remember what I heard someone say once when it was suggested that Children needed to be 'in the world' and not sheltered.

'Would you take a young tender seedling and plant it outside to be exposed to the harsh weather? No,you keep in inside a greenhouse so it can develop and grow strong before you would even consider putting it outside.'

Natalie,

I wonder - what do your prodigals think they would have gained had they not been sheltered? Just wondering....

I sometimes think we did not shelter our children enough. Yet some looking on from the outside would say we did...Still, sheltering will not prevent the devil from dangling the bait of sin before them in some way or another. If the heart is bent to sin, the devil will find a way for this to happen in spite of a parents efforts to prevent it.

Consider Adam and Eve. They had a perfect parent, perfect environment, no stress. Everything perfect. Yet they chose to disobey God because they were not content. And why were they not? Because someone else made them aware of a piece of ignorance they needed - so he thought - to be knowledgeable of.

1Corinthians 10:1-6 teaches us how God delivered the Israelites out of Egypt. They were all exposed to the wonderful miracles God used to facilitate this deliverance and with it the judgments God imposed up his enemies. They saw it all, experienced it all BUT some still chose to turn their back on God and indulged in idolatry. We see from history how sheltering children from the world will not guarantee they will always make good choices but we parents are still responsible to protect them from the evil in this world. To expose them to the filth that is out there will put them at greater risks for addictions to sins. Scripture says it is a shame to speak of those things that are done in secret - TV has no shame. What used to be shameful gets top billing today. Regardless, it is still shameful.

Yes, I agree with the article. The world is a bad place and it challenges parents more then ever to protect the children from its filth...

ginnyrose

Regarding the plant analogy, a tree that is give a constant drip feed generally creates a ball of roots around point the drip feed falls. The wind can easily blow the tree over. The tree that needs to "make it's own effort" to find water, will place deeper roots. The gardener needs to find the right balance in order to develop the strongest tree possible.

For a biblical example, God abruptly weaned Joseph from his sheltered upbringing when he was ready.

Children do need sheltering but it needs to be combined an upbringing that eventually prepares them to face life without parental sheltering.

PassingThru

of course we should shelter children from sin. but i have known parents that have sheltered their children so much that one of 2 things have happened; either they were socially awkward and incapable of functioning on their own as adults, or they completey rebel and become twice the child of satan their parents ever could fear they would become. we shouldnt purposely expose our children to sin and worldliness, but we should teach them how to react and deal with sin at whatever age is appropriate. when a parent over protects it usually has much more to do with the parents fear and unwillingness to let the child grow up than anytyhing else. the parent's identity is all wrapped up in the child and they cant let go and let the child deal with anything on their own, or grow into an adult. i have known kids from christian homes who were 18 or 19 years old and had the social skills of an 8 year old.

we do not see that approved of in the bible.

It is an excellent topic to discuss, but the result will be faith based. My Church elder believes that he needs to send his children into public schools and have faith that God will protect them from evil company.

I am all in for having this faith. But I still believe home schooling is a good option to protect our Children until they grow into a stage where they can discern good and evil. It requires wisdom from God to determine this stage. It is like the temptation of Jesus to test God's will for him by jumping from temple. I don't want to test God's protection from my children by putting them into this world. At the same time I also want them to see how perverse this world is so that they will understand the need for a savior to live in this world.

Skepticguy wrote: "of course we should shelter children from sin. but i have known parents that have sheltered their children so much that one of 2 things have happened; either they were socially awkward and incapable of functioning on their own as adults,or they completey rebel and become twice the child of satan their parents ever could fear they would become."

Skeptic, I don't know if you are ar a parent or not, but if you are inferring that parents that homeschool and protect their children end up as the above, I cannot relate to it at all.

My personal experience as a parent is as follows. All three of our children went into state schools for various reasons. The efect of this was to cause them many problems in leading them away from walking with God and as a result have problems into their early adult lives. God in His great mercy and grace bought them into salvation in recent years, for which we give Him praise. This was in spite of (not because of) state education. However their bad experience in state school has led them to make sure that their children are homeschooled. The interesting fact is that it was at the age of 11 years when they entered senior school(is that juior high in the USA?) that the real problems start. It is this age when peer pressure becomes greater than the influence of parents. It is also at this age that schools are teaching things directly in conflict with biblical truth, so the combination of both of these can be overwhelming for a young person. If I had my time again, we would never have put our children into those stae schools.

The vast majority of the children that I have come across in recent years that are homeschooled are socially more advanced and interact with adults better than the average child. This is because they are not artificially segregated into a world where they mix with their own age group only. They are used to being with adults and children of all ages.

Of couse we could all pick out cases where parents suffocate their children in the wrong way, but this is not what this article is about. It is about protecting children from bad company, that corupts good morals. How amany times does scripture warn us (adults) to keep away from worldliness and to flee idolatry etc. If God warns us of the dangers of mixing with bad company, do we think we know better than Him when it comes to tender children?

Skeptic, I'm interested - why the name? What are you skeptical about?

Skeptic, I don't know if you are ar a parent or not, but if you are inferring that parents that homeschool and protect their children end up as the above, I cannot relate to it at all.

wow, how did u get THAT out of what i said?? if this were anywhere other than sermonindex or any number of christian forums i would say that you are a little hyper-defensive about homeschooling or just looking 2 pick a fight about homeschooling or sensitive and easily offended or all 3.

cool ur jets, my friend. we have 3 kids and we homeschool. i feel bad that u wasted 20 or 30 mins responding to me. u completely misunderstood what i said.

and here go again w/ reading in2 the name i picked. lol. when all else fails: assume the worst about my name-handle. i chose the name becuz i believe with all my heart that if ur not skeptical then ur gullible. skeptical means u dont just accept everything that comes down the pike. if the world sez it then i'm skeptical of it. if a christian says it then i am REALLY skeptical about it. if god sez it in his book then i accept it. anything else that i see, hear or read i am skeptical.

every1 happy now? lol. :-) i put sum thought in2 my forum name.

the bereans were skeptics.

Well Skeptic, I am sorry if I took what you wrote wrongly.
You do seem to write very provocatively though and I suppose I should have known I would get drawn in to this! lol.

The article was dealing with the accusation that children (home schooled in particular) should not be over-protected and exposed to the world more. You argued the negative aspects of over-protection and gave examples of of this. You did not give one example of a postive effect of protecting children or homeschooled children, hence my response. You have now told me what I took from this was wrong, so I have to accept that.

As to your name, it is unusual on a Christain Forum, so I was generally interested because I have read a lot of your other threads and it seems you often take the opposing position. We have to be careful in doing this we don't take the position of 'devil's advocate'.

More skeptical of Christians than the world? I find that strange. I sort of know what you are getting at, but you have to be careful you don't become cynical towards 'christians'. Skeptical of Christendom, yes, but skeptical of the true brethren, then no.

christians tend to be very gullible. i think it stems from always wanting to see and believe the best about people. usually it leads to believing things false pastors teach, or rumors such as the one about the woman who got prayer out of schools also wants to get christian radio off the air. that was never true, yet that rumor comes around every couple years that she is suing the government to make that happen even though she is now dead. that kinda stuff.

i prefaced my original statement by saying that of course we should protect our children from sin and worldliness, did i not? yes. i did. i then gave examples of what can happen when a child is over sheltered, which i believe was the question of the thread, correct? so i answered ur question from my personal perspective and experience. u are free to have a different perspective and different experience from which u derived ur different perspective.

but i truly do know christian homeschool families that have indeed over protected their children to the point where they are socially awkward and incapable of functioning in the world away from their parents. i have seen it with my own eyes. so i offer u my perspective in an attempt to answer ur original question.

not playing devils advocate. when i first came here sum were hostile 2wards me becuz of my name. it took a while but lately i have had sum very interesting conversation w/ people who are not afraid to have what they believe challenged a little. i respect that in people. people who are insecure in what they believe get hostile and offended at my perspective. i am not afraid to admit that i dont know everything and i want to learn which is why i ask the questions i ask, and why i challenge peoples thinking. i want to pick ur brain.

if people dont want their brains picked and dont like being challenged just let me know and i will leave u alone. bearmaster is one of those, and i just leave the man alone now. not a big deal. other folks dont mind it and have conversations with me and explain why they believe what they believe, and it is those people who i learn the most from, and i appreciate and respect them 4 it.

the bereans searched the scriptures to see if what they were being taught was true. they were not gullible. i ask questions and pick peoples brains and i get call "provacotive". :-)

and why be skeptical of the world? what is there to be skeptical about? it is all lies. every last bit of it. and we know this. and so duz the world. if the world says sumthing then we know it is a lie. its pretty simple. nothing to be skeptical about.

so yes, more skeptical of what comes out of the mouth of christians than i am of the world.

Skeptic,

Now if you want to equate yourself with the Bereans they were not called "Skeptic" - they were described as being Noble. :-)

Many family business owners struggle with the idea of trusting their children to run the business for them. They see their only two options as domination or abdication, both of which will hurt their business and their family.

The right approach is delegation. What differentiates delegation from abdication is a process of training. Delegation is not a sudden decision to trust, but a methodical plan to teach and train.

"Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up." Duet. 11:19

Likewise raising a child isn't about sheltering and then exposing. Trust is like a long rope tied to your child; you don't just drop the rope, but instead you let it out inch by inch until the day comes when your parenting has run its length and the process is complete. There comes a day when you can not hold on any longer.

And lastly some thoughts about the difference innocence verses purity. Innocence is that childish state of not having had to face evil, while purity is that mature state of having had to face evil and to overcome it. Obviously adults canot stay innocent, but if they are going to recognize purity, they will need as long a memory of innocence as possible, as a benchmark for their souls. If children are forced to deal with evil too soon, they will have no such benchmark to return to when they overcome evil later in life.

Blessings,

MC

Hi Mike,

Thanks for your thoughts here: "Likewise raising a child isn't about sheltering and then exposing. Trust is like a long rope tied to your child; you don't just drop the rope, but instead you let it out inch by inch until the day comes when your parenting has run its length and the process is complete. There comes a day when you can not hold on any longer."

Going back to the plant analogy. What you do with young seedlings once they have grown in the greenhouse to the point that you consider they can go outside is that you 'harden them off'. This is done when there is no frost by putting them outside (still in their pots) during the day and bring them back in at night for a week or so. This helps them to adjust to colder conditions before being planted out. Don't want to change this to a gardening forum :), but God forbid we take more care over our plants than our children!

ginnyrose, i consider not being gullible and checking everything against scripture and questioning everything b4 swallowing to be noble. and wise.

Greetings

When I first posted this I was touched by the question of can we shelter our children to much? Although I know the author spoke to homeschooling in all truth I was not really thinking in terms of homeschool only. I know many families who homeschool and still their children can be very worldly because mom and dad are more concerned with exposing them to the things of the world rather then the things of HIS KINGDOM. They want to raise well rounded, successful children. There is nothing wrong with that unless the world is the standard that you use to go by instead of the LORD JESUS.

I have found that this form of compromise can be very sly and many loving parents wanting to do what is best and right for their children cave in on some things, like dating, unsupervised peer interaction, internet, movies, tv, music, clothes, makeup, ect. It can start out very young even and before you know it the roots of worldliness have taken hold and the desire is not for HIS KINGDOM but for the tastes and temptation of this world. It was that I was speaking to more, homeschool or public is a part of that I suppose but I really think there is a deeper issue. What I allow my children to do with their time, how I encourage them to spend their time, is it in the LORD? Do I set and example for them that the things of HIS KINGDOM are what matter and are to be sought after or do I compromise myself with the world and display a divided heart??? These were and are some of the things on my heart and mind. I do not attempt to answer for others but as time is short I do seek to know what the LORD has for my family.I thought perhaps there might be some few others who have come upon these same issues also...

In closing, I just wanted to take a moment while I had time to say thank you to everyone who replied. I do appreciate what some had to share. I do believe GOD will and does lead us in the smallest of things in our daily lives we just have to have the ears and eyes to see and hear with.

God bless
maryjane